Bea’s Story

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I’m known across the Internet as Bea Dux or HoneyBea depending on where you look. I’m originally from Lancashire but now live and mostly work in London. I began working in the sex industry as a retail worker for Ann Summers, then began modelling and have since done cam work, worked for websites such as MyFansPage and SuicideGirls and now also work a lot as a photographer/videographer for other sex workers.

I began to get involved in Sex Work activism after the FOSTA/SESTA bills went through in America. Seeing the ignorance (wilful or otherwise) surrounding the subject of sex workers and sw safety made me want to DO something. I uploaded few (admittedly shoddy) videos to youtube hoping to educate, I began openly and regularly using my social platforms (@itsBeaDux) to speak on the issues and decided to create some form of clothing that people could wear to show their support to sex work and the workers within the industry.

Originally TheSafewordProject was an idea I had a few years ago. It was going to be a website filled with information, recourses and contacts to help sex workers, I got a quote from a few web developers and started saving up. Not long afterwards, I found you guys! Pineapple Support was doing pretty much everything I wanted to do, from providing mental health support as well as tons of other recourses for workers. I figured, rather than having several separate sites, we stand a better chance of helping as many people as possible if we all work together. It made far much more sense to send you all the support I possibly could.

So, the store ’TheSafewordProject.com’ is currently owned and run by myself, and the packaging and posting is currently done by me and my lovely mum (I travel a lot with work and she offered to be a stable base for all of the stock. Bless her). ALL money made from the store is put right back into it, as well as having stickers printed (that you can usually spot around London/Birmingham/Manchester) and business cards with the message ‘Someone you know is a sex worker’ on them, left at a ton of small shops, bars and cafes etc. Together, me and my mum have managed to send out LOADS of orders and it’s been wonderful!

Recently, a protest organised by my dear friend Rebecca Crow happened outside instagram offices in London (which went brilliantly!) and it seemed wanted to wear their own Safeword merch! Because of that boost in sales, a lot of money has gone right back into making more clothing and stocking up on original designs; so if anyone fancies treating themselves, and supporting Pineapple Support in the process, get yourself something from the store!

The money Safeword has accumulated is slowly ticking over and I thought I’d send over a donation to Pineapple now as I couldn’t wait anymore! Hopefully there will be a lot more to come in the future.

Thank you for all the work you do. Proud to support.

Bea Dux
@itsBeaDux

Free Emotion Regulation, DBT Course with Sophia Graham

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Who am I?

I’m a disabled, queer coach and therapist working primarily with marginalised individuals and groups. I’m especially excited about working with people interested in building psychological skills so they feel more able to manage the challenges in their lives in their own way. I believe that we are the experts in our own lives and that finding new tools and developing new skills helps us to create the lives we want to live.
Why work with performers?

Therapy professionals, in general, have not been great at working with people outside the mainstream. This means that performers can really struggle to access high-quality support. As someone that has had been really let down in the past by judgemental and unprofessional therapists, I know what that is like. I also know that it takes a huge toll on people’s wellbeing, and sometimes costs lives. I want that to change, and I’m doing my bit to try to make that change in the world.

What is Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)

Dialectic Behaviour Therapy (DBT) is a non-pathologising approach that teaches skills for creating a life worth living. It focuses on the areas of mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance and emotional regulation. The DBT approach is one of the most heavily researched and validated forms of psychotherapy. It was initially designed for clients with a borderline personality disorder diagnosis but has been found to be effective in relation to a broad range of diagnoses including depression and anxiety. This is a peer group where we work together to learn DBT skills and practice them in our lives between sessions. One of the most important parts of this approach is working with others to understand the skills we are learning. Homework is an essential component of DBT, and you will be given worksheets to complete each week between sessions. We go through these in detail each session, and that’s where a lot of the learning happens, as people are able to share their experiences, successes and challenges.

Why emotion regulation?

Out of control emotions can make it hard to maintain friendships, romantic relationships and can even jeopardise our careers. Many of us never learned the skills we need to cope with difficult emotions, and that makes it impossible to deal effectively with stressful or distressing situations that inevitably come up in our lives. This course teaches participants how to recognise, understand and regulate emotions so that they have more choices about how to manage day to day stressors and distressing events.

Why interpersonal effectiveness?

Our efforts to manage our own emotions are frequently challenged by our interactions with other people. Sometimes this leads us to behave in ways that we later regret. Other times we can fail to speak up assertively for what we need, which can lead to resentment or misunderstandings later. This course is about empowering us to handle interpersonal situations more effectively.

Why distress tolerance?

There are no lives without pain, and everyone has crises at times. These times of intense emotional dysregulation can lead to out of control behaviours that can damage our relationships, life and reputation. This course teaches techniques for reducing emotional activation and distress. It equips participants with skills to practice in their lives so they are able to deal with crises more effectively and cope better with intense distress.

Time commitment

You will attend a 2-hour session each week and complete homework between sessions which usually takes between 20 minutes and an hour.

What do you do in a group meeting?

We start with a mindfulness exercise, then in each session after the first, we go through the homework and discuss each of our experiences with it for the first hour. This hour helps us to consolidate our skills and troubleshoot any problems. Then we have a 5-10 minute break before learning a new skill.

To apply please please click on the link found at pineapplesupport.org/support-groups

Five ways to work with a social comedown

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If you haven’t read the last post, you might want to start there, since it has a much longer definition of what a social comedown is. In brief, social comedowns consist of difficult thoughts, sensations, feelings and urges arising after socialising that often include ruminating over past distress and judging yourself for having a hard time. They can include deep-seated feelings of shame, inadequacy, sadness, guilt, dread and embarrassment.

There are a huge range of ways to work with social comedowns; if they are having a big impact on your life, I’d recommend talking to a coach or therapist about how to find the best way for you. People are really individual, and because we each have our own histories and preferences no single option is going to work for everyone. Nevertheless, here are 5 ways that you could try to see if they fit for you:

  1. Focus on the sensations

Many people experience emotions in their bodies. If you are a person that can feel emotions in this way it can be a wonderful way of just being with one aspect of your emotional experience. Rather than doing things to avoid the sensations in your body, approach them with a sense of curiosity. Find a comfortable position to sit or lie in for 5 minutes, and just scan your body for sensations. When you find a sensation in your body that is related to your emotions be curious about it. Notice whether it is hot or cold, its density, whether it is staying still or moving. Notice its size and shape, and whether there is a colour or texture to it. Is there any tension to it? Just allow it to be exactly what it is in your body without trying to change it or move it. Notice what it is like to accept that you are experiencing this sensation. When your thoughts drift as they inevitably will, just bring yourself back and allow yourself to notice whether anything is different about the sensation.

This practice can help you to be with emotional experiences without ruminating or avoiding – which both usually make emotional experiences more intense and difficult to manage. It can help you to accept your emotions and allow you to move on from them. This is an exercise that you can practice in advance so that it is easier to remember when you are experiencing distress – and don’t be afraid to use it when you’re having nice sensations in your body as well as more difficult ones.

2) Mindfulness of thoughts

Creating space between you and your thoughts can be a hugely helpful alternative to ruminating. My favourite way of doing this is to imagine tiny boats going down a river, and then as I notice thoughts come up, I put them onto one of the boats and letting them go as they float off. Sometimes I can’t help jumping on the boat with the thought, and I have to ‘unhook’ myself by jumping off the boat back to the shore. That’s OK too. People often get caught by a thought and feel really compelled to follow it to its conclusion. Noticing that happen is a really important part of this technique, because it allows you to find the moment to decide not to follow the thought further, ideally without having further judgemental thoughts about yourself! Different people have different preferred ways to visualise their thoughts. While I prefer boats, others like leaves on a stream; trains on a track or balloons floating their thoughts away. Whatever your preference, noticing the thought is happening, and letting it come and go through your mind is a hugely powerful way to remind yourself that no matter how much a thought feels like your whole world, you can let it go.

Some examples of audio files to help you with mindfulness of thoughts are here:

3) Urge surfing

We all have urges to do and not to do things all the time. The urge may be to hide in bed all day or to lash out at someone or get really drunk. Sometimes it is helpful to notice what we really want to do, and just sit with that desire. You may notice the desire is located in a part of your body – and this process may be very similar to the first suggestion of sensation watching. Alternatively, urges may be a really different kind of experience for you than other sensations. Here are a couple of audio files to use for sitting with your urges:

4) Do intense exercise

People that know me will know that intense exercises isn’t something I’m usually keen on. Nevertheless, increasing your heart rate and keeping it above 120 beats per minute for 10-15 minutes helps a lot of people to manage distress. Some people think that it is because you get to complete the stress response cycle by using up some of the energy boost that you get when you’re facing a stressful or distressing situation. Some think it is an intense form of distraction that is helpful because it allows you to shift your attention to something else happening in your body. I think it is a mix of these things, and that it works really well for some people. If you want to try it, jumping, skipping or running can be a good way of getting your heart rate into that zone and holding it there.

5) Do a paired muscle relaxation exercise

This exercise can help because you’re both distracting from the distressing thoughts, feelings, sensations and urges that you’re feeling, and you’re doing something to physiologically relax your body and give it the message that you’re safe.  We know that tensing and then relaxing muscles helps them to relax more fully than trying to relax them without tensing first. If you want to do this you can find exercises here:

If you’d like to do more work on how to cope with social come downs and other mental health challenges think about joining one of my DBT groups. We work on psychological skill building to help you to manage interpersonal relationships, distress and emotions. You can find more information here.

Social comedowns: the morning after the night before

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So you’ve heard of the social hangover, but what about the social comedown? A social hangover is the experience of feeling drained, exhausted and in need of recovery time after a social event. There has been a lot written about it probably because it is a pretty common experience, particularly amongst introverts. But what about its lesser known cousin, the social comedown? A comedown is when you experience a physical and/or emotional crash, usually after having an intense experience or taking psychoactive substances. Whilst some comedowns are fairly mild and can be similar to hangovers, others can be really intense and longer lasting.

What is a social comedown?

Social comedowns consist of  difficult thoughts, sensations, feelings and urges arising after socialising that often include ruminating over past distress and judging yourself for having a hard time. They are most common the morning after an intense social situation, usually a group hangout, but sometimes one to one situations can provoke them as well. More unusually, some people experience a social comedown towards the end of hangout time or immediately after leaving a social situation. The physical sensations can start off really similar to a social hangover, and can include feeling tired, drained, and listless. The emotional symptoms can be wide-ranging, from sadness, guilt, dread, emptiness, lonliness, embarrassment or shame through to panic about having said or done the wrong thing. These emotions can lead to someone taking a mental tour of the social time, analysing in detail every potentially awkward or embarrassing social interaction. Every time they did something that could be seen as weird, every misplaced smile or frown.

Even when someone knows logically that everything was fine, and that their friends wouldn’t judge them for their behaviour it can be nearly impossible to step away from critically over-analyzing every moment. Worse, the analysis of the social event can lead people to a lowlights reel of all their most humiliating social interactions and ruminating over all the ways they have been awkward in the past. Because this is a cycle, people usually feel better a couple of days later, but rather than being able to move on from these feelings, they can get stuck being judgemental towards themselves about having the feelings at all. That, in turn, attacks their self-esteem and self-worth. If this resonates with your experience, know this: you are far from alone.

What if we understood social comedowns as a normal part of life?

As part of the kink community, I have long understood that comedowns are a normal part of life, but that message seems not to have spread particularly widely. Indeed, I’m aware of some kinksters that feel it’s a point of pride that they *don’t* get comedowns and others that feel like the fact they do have them sometimes is a personal weakness. Nevertheless, it is widely accepted that comedowns are more or less inevitable if you play long enough and hard enough with someone, whether you’re a top or a bottom.  They can come in unexpected ways, at unexpected times and learning to cope with the emotional fallout is a skill that we have to learn. We work out how to engage with ‘comedown’ buddies if our tops/bottoms aren’t available for that emotional work. We have aftercare plans. We explore ways to treat ourselves and each other with compassion, kindness and gentleness in the days and weeks after we play together. I wonder what would happen if we extended this thinking to the social comedown. Would it make the emotions more manageable if they were normalised? Would we be able to engage with our own distress with less judgement about who we are? I think perhaps we would.

When I work with clients on this topic, many of them feel entirely alone. They have no idea that there are lots of people, particularly neuroatypical people, who experience intense comedowns after socialising. Just the fact that others have this experience is incredibly affirming and helps people to shift the self-judgement. The next post by Sophia is on a few ways to work with the strong feelings that arise with a social comedown, but in the meantime, I think it is important to have some conversations to normalise this idea. Here are some suggestions:

1) I’d invite you to open conversations with people about the concept of the social comedown, maybe even share this blog post.

2) Share your experience. What does it feel like to you? What helps you? What support could other people offer you?

3) At large gatherings like sexuality and kink conferences, make active plans with others about comedown support. Make it a community issue where we share emotional and practical resources.

Brandon’s Story

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When I was 12 years old, my mother committed suicide. She was the 3rd family member in my life to do so. At that time the feeling of loneliness and fear were overwhelming. What I wouldn’t have given to have someone there, someone to listen and provide hope. This is one of the many reason I decided to become a listener with Pineapple Support. You may not know this now, but a small fraction of your time, simply listening could change a person’s life, it could bring the promise of a tomorrow that otherwise may never have come for them.

Giving back to my adult community and industry is just a small gift I can give to help others find mental health support and outlets in a sometimes all to lonely business.

I would ask anyone with a caring heart to please consider giving this amazing opportunity a chance. You can’t imagine the feeling of love and connection until you’ve walked with someone truly struggling, when you stop talking and start listening you see and hear things in a different light. Helping others has HELPED me more than I could have known. I’ve worked on so many personal issues and have grown so much through my work with Pineapple Support. You can make all the difference in OUR world too.

Pineapple support training is straightforward and direct. You will receive hands on training through our app it allows you to learn and practice the techniques you learn along the way as you collect your badges and advance in steps to become a Pineapple Listener. Sometimes the greatest gifts in life are not the ones we receive but the ones we give. Give hope a chance, be the light in someone’s world, let love shine above all else.

Be a listener in a world full of noise.

3 STEPS FOR LETTING GO OF NEGATIVE THOUGHTS

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Feeling depressed or anxious is never pleasant but this unpleasantness is what makes negative emotions useful. Our brains are hardwired to attend to that which may harm us. Similar to how hunger motivates us to seek food, negative emotions motivate us to seek safety and comfort (and to take better care of ourselves).

Bad days and bad moods are a normal and healthy part of the human experience. But prolonged negative thinking can result in negative thinking habits, which alter our neural structure over time. However, we can lessen the impact that negative thoughts, emotions, and experiences have on our brains.

Psychologist Steve Hayes suggests that we allow ourselves to feel bad in order to feel better. This may seem counterintuitive, especially to Western cultures where we try to control and rid ourselves of our anxiety, depression, and frustration. But Tibetan Buddhists believe that this attempted control is the problem and not the solution.

An increasingly popular new treatment called Acceptance Commitment Therapy is based on this assumption. ACT proposes that when we stop fighting our emotional pain and focus on the things that are important to us, we actually suffer less.

Accepting negative emotions can free up mental energy to focus on other more important things in our lives.
ACT’s founder, Steve Hayes, suggests that when we judge a thought or feeling, we give it more power. For example, the more time and energy that we spend trying to control our anxious thoughts, the more anxious we become.

Beating ourselves up about feeling down just adds more negative feelings to the collection we’re already coping with. So we become depressed about being depressed. We may not be able to shift our unwanted mood but we can change how we feel about the mood itself.

The less attention we give to our negative thoughts and feelings, the less impact they have on our neural structure.
We have thousands of thoughts and feelings a day. We can’t possibly attend to all of them. When negative thoughts arise, don’t ignore them, judge them, or try to stop them. Acknowledge them and let them pass. Here is how.

1. Let your negative thoughts and feelings flow. Neurologist Rick Hall suggests that we think of our thoughts as flowing through our mind like a river. If we attach to a thought, then we can ‘let it go and let it flow.’ Here is an example.

Attaching negative thoughts and feelings:

Thought: I feel like such a failure.

Reaction: I am doing it again. I am beating myself up. Every time I try to be positive, I fail. See, I am a failure. Stop it. Stop it. But I can’t even do this right. Ugh.

Accepting negative thoughts and feelings and letting go:

Thought: I feel like such a failure.

Reaction. Hmmm. There is that thought again. What should I have for dinner?

2. Meditate ten minutes a day to get better at it. Apps such as Headspace offer short (some are only 1-2 minutes) exercises that you can do anywhere. The Acceptance exercise teaches how to accept our own thoughts and feelings as well as other people’s difficulties. There are also short exercises on patience, pain management, and happiness.

3. Practice self-compassion. I say ‘practice’ because self-compassion is a skill. We will inevitably get stuck on negative thoughts and feelings and it easy to get disheartened. With Kristen Neff’s collection of self-compassion meditations, you can learn to compassionately let thoughts and feelings flow. The less palatable it sounds to you, the more you may need it.

Accepting our negative thoughts and feelings does not mean that we should not take steps to better our lives. “Letting our thoughts flow” is useful when we have done what we can to remedy our negative mood but it still persists. We don’t have to be carried away by our thoughts and emotions. And letting go frees up the mental space so we can focus more on the positive experiences in our lives.

Warm regards,

Jena

HOW TO CATCH DEPRESSION BEFORE IT CATCHES YOU

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When we think of depression, we may imagine being permanently pyjama-clad, lying in bed or on the sofa in a dark room, unable to move. Clinical depression (or major depressive disorder) can look this way and the Internet and media often paint this picture.

If we research depression symptoms online, it usually brings up Clinical depression information, leaving some of us thinking that, it feels bad but it’s not as bad as all that.

But some depressive symptoms are less recognizable. Most of us are busy. We might feel down but we can’t afford to stop. Even when a situation (like a breakup) triggers deep sadness in us, we have to keep going. So the symptoms are subtler, more gradual, and easier to disregard. They sneak up on us and if unaddressed they can become debilitating.

Recognise any of these?

– A sense of heaviness you can’t shake
– Impatience, irritability, quickly losing your temper over little things
– Growing intolerance of others, our surroundings, or ourselves
– Heightened awareness of negative things
– An emboldened inner critic, bullying ourselves or self-loathing
– Incessant worrying (going over the same thing again and again) or catastrophizing (using words like always and never)
– Wanting to hide from the world and avoiding things that make us feel better (friends, exercise, nature)

Our brain activity is habit forming; the more we think and feel certain ways, the more likely we will think and feel that way in the future. A persistent low mood can spiral into depression and the lower we spiral, the harder it is to pick ourselves back up.

We all have low moods but when feelings of depression seem unshakeable, it is time to start paying attention to them. One of the best ways to deal with depression is to catch it early.

Here is how:

– Become mindful of how you talk to yourself. Would you lose friends if you talked to them the way you talk to yourself? Your inner critic may have pushed you to do better but it can push you down that depression spiral too.
Get blood tests from your doctor. Low mood can be a side-effect of any number of physical ailments: nutritional deficiencies, bacterial imbalances in your gut, hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism, fibromyalgia, hormonal imbalance, food allergies, infections, and medications.

– Create exercise accountability. Exercise is one of the best ways to improve our mood. We may have the best intentions to exercise regularly, but low mood can sap our motivation. When depressed, we are far more likely to put it off.

So instead of beating yourself up for not exercising, put measures into place that hold you accountable. For example, book a boutique exercise class, schedule workouts with a friend, or join a beginner’s club team (your Fris team depends on you). If you have no problem skipping those type activities, then hire a trainer for 30 minutes twice a week. (Hire a really cute one for added motivation!) Tell her/him to follow up with you if you miss a session.

– Forgive yourself for feeling this way and for setbacks that may have triggered these feelings. Low mood often increases our critical self-talk. We feel down so we beat ourselves up, which makes us feel even lower. Interrupt the self-critical spiral with self-compassion. If this sounds too difficult, read or listen to The Self-Compassion Skills Workbook by Tim Desmond.

– Listen to what thoughts are driving your emotions. There is no such thing as a ‘negative’ emotion. Even depression serves to protect us. Our low mood is a red flag. Sometimes it is telling us to slow down, to reconnect with loved ones, or to disconnect from unhealthy situations. Or to get help.

– The app Thought Record app from Moodnotes helps you uncover the situations and thinking patterns that may trigger your low mood. And to find alternative, more helpful perspectives.

Everyone feels low, drained, or worn-out occasionally. Many of the symptoms of major depressive disorder – irritability, lethargy, and hopelessness – can be normal reactions to stressful life events.

‘Sometimes, depression is a perfectly reasonable response to trouble in your life.’ Karla McLaren

However, if your low mood is cyclical or doesn’t respond to the healing changes you make, talk to your doctor or a professional therapist.

If you think you might be clinically depressed, you can take this test.  Depression Self Assessment

References

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Fifth edition.
Tim Desmond. (2017). The Self-Compassion Skills Workbook. A 14-Day Plan to Transform Your Relationship with Yourself
Rick Hanson. (2013). Hardwiring Happiness. The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm and Confidence.
Karla McLaren. (2010). The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You.
Robert Plutchik. (1980). Theories of Emotion (Volume 1).
Dan Siegel. (2010). Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation.
Bessel van der Kolk. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.

Warm regards,

Jena

Self-Care as simple as A-B-C

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Every job takes energy but being an adult entertainer or a support in the industry requires giving a lot of ourselves, sometimes to the point of burnout. During self-care month, we are highlighting ways to spot and change the habits that drain us and ways to re-energize when we feel depleted. Here is a start:

 

Self-care works best when we take an A-B-C approach; Awareness, Balance, and Connection.

 

  • Find your own ‘optimal range’ of productivity. Take stock of your commitments. Write down both the positive and the negative effects (money, strain, stress, fatigue). And then rate the necessity of them. Be honest, are you doing it because you need to or because someone else expects it of you?

 

  • Make a list of self-care strategies. If you find this difficult, ask friends, family, colleagues, which self-care strategies they find most effective.

 

  • Schedule time in your diary each week for guilt-free self-care. This doesn’t have to be big or time consuming. It can be curling up with a favorite movie or having a cappuccino date with a friend.

 

  • Have transition time from work to home. For example, do five ‘sun salutations’ or change into comfy clothes when you get home. Create a habit that signals to your brain that it is time to wind down.

 

  • Set a time each day when you completely disconnect from technology (phone, computer, television, everything). Even an hour break from technology can recharge you before you face the online world again.

 

  • Spend face-to-face time with people who give you support. A hug is worth a thousand encouraging words, especially when you feel drained. But talk is important too! Talk out your stress. Process your thoughts and reactions with someone else (colleague, therapist, friend, family member). Make a plan of how you can strengthen your positive support system and distance yourself from those who fuel your stress.

 

  • Spend time with a pet. Pets accept whatever affection you are able to give them without asking for more and can give endless amount of unconditional support in return. Bonus – our blood pressure and heart rate decreases when interacting with animals.

 

  • Make laughter, joy, and play a priority at home. Creating fun may be a focus at work but it’s equally important at home. Name three things you feel grateful for today. Think of something that brings you a sense of joy (Make a top ten list and keep it handy when you are down). Who do you love that you can reach out to today (Call them!). What made you laugh today? (Share it!)

 

Self-care not only helps us personally, it helps us to be our best work selves as well. Remember, in order to give our best at work, we must have something left to give. If you feel overwhelmed or like you need more support than you have access to at home, contact Pineapple Support.

 

Dr. Jena Field

Becoming Aware Of Suicide

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As September draws to a close I thought it only right to speak about my becoming aware of suicide and all that I have learned since starting my journey with Pineapple Support back in January 2018.

Suicide awareness… I used to think this was a ridiculous statement… everyone is aware that suicide exists. But now, after everything I have learned over the past 9 months I understand that suicide awareness is not about being aware of the existence of suicide, it is about being aware of why it happens and being aware of what people go through, not just those willing to take their own life, but also those who are left behind.

“A selfish act”, I hang my head in shame when I admit to you now that this was my attitude. “How could someone do this to their family?” “Do they not think about all the people that they are leaving behind?”.
Yes, when a person is at a point in their life where they feel that death is their only escape, they most likely are thinking of themselves, or they could be thinking that the world would be better off without them. Either way they are not thinking logically about the devastation and broken hearts left behind. They are in an introspective world where the dark voices in their heads are the only ones they can hear. The feeling of anger at those who chose to leave us is a perfectly natural emotion, a part of the healing process and not one that should be brushed aside.

So many people have reached out to me personally to tell me their stories and I feel incredibly privileged that they have all been so open and candid when sharing their experiences. Opening up about not only the combination of emotions felt but also the legal and financial implications. It has been an education and one that I am extremely appreciative of.

It was in responses to the shocking number of suicides in the adult industry last year and the beginning of this year that Pineapple Support was launched. I hope with all my heart that with this education and the continued support of those inside and outside of the industry, we are able to offer guidance, therapy and hope to all those effected by such tragic experiences.

Love and Pineapples,
Leya Tanit

Road Rage Much

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“Did you see how that jerk just cut me off?! This is my lane, why did he have to pull out right in front of me?!”

Do your passengers grind their teeth when you drive? Do you get so angry behind the wheel that you want to do something uncharacteristic to you, such as follow the other driver? Do you or others fear that your behavior behind the wheel may get you hurt?

If so, chances are that you may have road rage. This is not something that’s easy to change. Remember, you can’t change the other driver or what they do, you can only change what you do and your perceptions of the event.

Joe had problems with road rage that had been going on for years. He sometimes followed people who cut him off and once that led to him getting threatened at gun point, but still he found it hard to stop his behavior. He came to me when he realized it was becoming worse and worse of a problem as the days went by.

He had the perception that the other driver purposefully did these things to him and he took their actions personally. He felt disrespected, angry, and wanted the other driver to know how he felt. His actions became so dangerous that his wife refused to drive with him.
Joey and I looked at what his thoughts were that led him to road rage. He didn’t really know why he felt the way he did or why he got so angry. I asked him to tweak his thinking about how other’s behaved on the road and to not take it personally. I explained that the other drivers didn’t know him from Adam and had nothing against him personally. That there was a very good possibility that these other drivers may have been so wrapped up in whatever they were doing or thinking that they may not have even noticed him there. Or perhaps, they were having a bad day and acting out in relation to that and not him. Maybe there was some type of emergency and they were just focused on getting where they needed to go as soon as possible. Or maybe they were just jerks and bad drivers.
Joey was able to see how these scenarios could be possible and doing so helped him to not take others’ actions personally. We worked on this for some months and little by little his road rage began to improve. He had been thinking this way for 50 some years and it was not a thought process that could be undone overnight. He had some slips in the process with his road rage, but he used that to motivate himself to do better and not to give up.

“This isn’t about me,” is a great mantra. So often the things that drive us nuts are not about us at all. They’re about us interpreting things incorrectly. Someone may do something that you take personally, but they weren’t aware of you at all. Again, it’s that monkey mind playing tricks with us and our desire to be in control of things. Remember the Serenity Prayer and the fact that the only thing you can control is yourself.

Wishing you happiness, logical thinking, and serenity,
Mechele