Because I’m burnt out…
By Miss Mae Ling
In any aspect of life, we must ask ourselves – “what is the goal? Why do we do it?” Some may enter into the sex work industry thinking it’s quick money and must work hard before the age starts to show. But by doing so, you are aging yourself a lot quicker and burning that spark inside of you until you retire early just to come back to it once again once you’ve had a break. Like an unhealthy relationship where you break up, get back together, break up again and so forth. Let’s make the relationship you have with yourself and your work a healthy one. To last long in this industry (yes, you can!), sex workers may prioritize and consider a few things.
1. Prioritize self-care like a sex worker cares
As part of the work, you care about everything and everyone else. Even if you are a femdom, you care about your submissives even when it’s supposed to be about your pleasure! You take photos of your time relaxing at the spa and are technically still working. When was the last time you did something for yourself that you didn’t monetize on? That you didn’t think about how it would affect your work? Make time for your own self-care. Be selfish. You do you – so that you can continue to do everyone else.
2. Exercise like a sexy sex worker
This isn’t just a thing that you do to keep your body smoking hot for work. No, this is for you. Working out, decreases levels of stress and releases endorphins. Feel good, look good and have the strength to kick ass at the things that you do best. It’s easy to fall out of your exercise routine with all the travels or strange occurrences that life throws at you, but remember this is time for you to get into a flow state. Out of your head and into your body. Really feel yourself – you sexy beast.
3. Eat healthy like a sex worker putting something in their mouth
Negative spirals really can take a toll you. Starts off with feeling shitty, eating shitty foods, to break outs on your face due to shitty food, feeling sad because that money making face is now no longer flawless, add on the make up to cover it up just to be in front of a camera – but there is never any make up good enough or any amount that will ever cover up the truth behind it. Your personality, your face shows it all. Go ahead, fake it. Everyone else who is a fan, who knows you, will see right through it. Eat well, feel good. You put so many different things into your body as is, let’s put something that truly nourishes you and makes you glow from the inside out.
4. Sleep like a sex worker after good sex
Sleep is the all-powerful healing goodness that we all know and love. As a sex worker, you work for yourself. You are an entrepreneur; you make your own hours. So fuck that alarm in the ass – it doesn’t need to make a sound. You’re busy with a spicy hot dream date. Not only are you refreshed but you also got some really good creative content. Thanks subconscious!
5. Shift your money perspective – long term money like a successful sex worker
You think the money is quick and good and so you work yourself so much that you burn out. If you actually think of it, by burning yourself out quickly, you are affecting your long term money. The money you could be making later down the line is now dried up because you aren’t at your best. Yes, people can tell when you are not at your best. They are coming to you as an escape and if the escape isn’t the best one yet – they will easily find another available escape that will blow their minds.
6. Saying no – deny like the sexiest sex worker dominant
There is so much power in saying no. By saying no to the client that drains your energy you are reserving it for yourself and the correct connection. By being picky and selective with whom you share yourself with – you not only create an exclusive brand but you also feel good about the people you do spend time with. They don’t drain you emotionally and you are at your best to drain them. No, that message doesn’t need to be responded to immediately. No, you don’t need to take that appointment. No, you don’t need to go online. These are all things you should want to do because you enjoy to do it with the people there. Not because you have to.
7. Ask for help –
As a provider you may feel as though you are the badass bitch that takes on so much. You continually give your time, your energy, you. You are a business though. What is a business if you do not expand and ask for help? It could even be the simplest of things such as cooking, cleaning or more elaborate like editing clips. If you are feeling like there is an aspect of your life that requires more energy, find help to ease it. When that is easier you can focus more on the other things that you truly enjoy.
8. Eliminate unnecessary work
Let’s make a list of all the things you are doing right now. Yes, including all the little things like posting to Twitter to checking emails for bookings. Now consider how often you do it. You say you do these things for work, but they’re just bad habits that break up your work day. Nobody needs to check their emails 10 times a day. That tweet you wanted to post, now lead to a 30-minute hole of you scrolling through your feed. You can be quite productive if you think slower and ask yourself: “why am I doing this?” That’ll lead you to eliminating little things, yes even that thing you do to track your productivity just so you feel good about yourself with checking off those boxes.
9. Take control of yourself – as your own sexy boss
Let’s revisit the reality that you are your own boss. Now let’s shift the perspective and take a look at you working for a boss that asks so much of you. You are working weekends, holidays, after hours in the middle of the night, in the middle of your dinner or lunch break. Would you continue to work for that company? Would you put up to the demands of that boss? Then why do you put up with your own shitty boss that is inside of your head?
10. Change environment to something that’ll inspire the sex
If you work for yourself, if you make your own schedule, do you change it up or do you feel as though you are stuck in your own hell hole of a cubicle that is your living room office? You are the creator of your own reality, so you can literally decide where you want to work…all the time. By changing your environment, you expose yourself to new inspirations, muses and connections. You constantly spice things up for others, spice up your surroundings for yourself.
11. Letting go of perfectionism – sex isn’t perfect
Nobody is a tougher critic than yourself. That image you work so hard to paint of yourself, the brand you are creating. Sure, it’s wonderful but by being so perfect you are creating unnecessary stress for yourself. By putting out what you can whenever you can, people can see your growth over time, follow your progress and celebrate your success. Realize, everyone starts somewhere. It may be difficult not to compare yourself to others, but nobody will be as good as you at being yourself.
12. Pursue passion – we all like passionate sex
Is this a passion of yours? Or is it something that you are doing currently to pay off school or something else? Keep that reason of why you are something at the forefront of your mind. When you pursue your passion, it shouldn’t be a dreaded work day but an excitement for what comes that day. Sex work isn’t your passion? Great, then don’t work yourself so hard that you burn yourself out for something that you didn’t even care for in the first place.
Do you have a hobby outside of sex work? Something that has absolutely nothing to do with your work? Great, because you are not your work. The work doesn’t define you. You are a whole individual with other things in your life and work is just an avenue that allows you to live the life you dream of.
14. Take a vacation
You are your own boss. If you don’t advocate for your own vacation days, then who will?! Take as many as you’d like! The beauty of the work is that there will be work when you get back. As a sex worker, we do not get any sick days, maternity leave or holidays. So you have to create it for yourself. You’ve been focused on making all that money and what’s the point of money if you’re not going to enjoy any of it? After all, you deserve it bitch.
15. Be compassionate to yourself
Comparison is the biggest spirit killer. Seeing everyone else’s success is there to inspire you not make you self-doubt about your own skills and awesomeness. Be kind, even if you catch yourself doing any of the above things – it’s ok. You noticed it and now you know to how to pivot to a healthier relationship with yourself.
I wish for every sex worker to be successful and happy. There is so much money to go around, but play the game right so that you are able to continue making that money. When people say get a real job to sex workers…my mind is blown as they have no idea how much work sex workers actually do. We don’t have to prove anything to them. Do you and get that bag.
Miss Mae Ling is a Los Angeles based professional dominatrix. The high school cheerleader with the force of an Asian tiger mom. Her hobbies include ballet, yoga, circus training and traveling. You can find out more on her website www.missmaeling.com