Away – A Poem

I leave
Because it’s easier
Than to stay
I run
Because it’s more bearable
Than to feel
I shut everyone out
Because it is less painful
Than to let them in
I close + push away
Because it is less agonising
Than to love
To stay
Is to bear witness
To stay
Is to let people in
To stay
Is to expose my heart
And put it on the line
To be shattered
Written by Liza Belle

Gaslit Warwounds – A Poem

Those things that cut you up
And spat you out
Those things that had you crying and screaming
On the bathroom floor
That had you talking motherfuckingshit
To your family
Taking for granted your friends
Those things that made you a hurricane
In a quiet living space
Those things that blew shit up
Ruffled feathers
Burnt bridges
Those things
That you believe
Made you a bad person
Actually made you brave
Actually made you courageous
Actually made you face who you are
And deal with your shit
Those things actually made you fearless
Fiery
A pioneer
Those things made you you
Don’t bad mouth those things.
Written By Liza Belle

Abuse – A poem

Sometimes
We compensate so damn hard for people doing awful things
Being awful
Because we can see their pain
We can see the suffering
That warped them
Twisted them
De-humanised them
So we stay.
We watch.
We tolerate
And accept.
But we shouldn’t.
We shouldn’t tolerate abuse.
It’s fucked up.

Written by Liza Belle

A Shadow Imprint – A Poem

“This anger is not mine…”
I finally understood.
It was the imprint of a shadow
On my soul
All that was left to honour the pain
Endured.
Spontaneous eruptions
Harming innocent bystanders,
Were rooted in the shadow
Cast over me from that time
In that place.
And now the shadow gathered and swarmed
Trapping me in a self-imposed prison;
A wall of smoke and mirrors
Surrounding me.
What was real?
I could not know.
Warped perception of reality, I ploughed forth into the world.
Wreaking havoc with my scars;
With my view-distorting Shadow Lenses.
I saw what it wanted me to see.
In my nightmares
In my dreams
In my life.
Detached.
Floating.
No sense of reality.
“No hold on real life.”
An out-of-body experience.
For years
It felt as if I were a bystander,
Watching an automation
Live my life.
To the point where I didn’t know my reflection.
Body and face, wracked with the shadow
The shadow poisoned me:
Poisoned my responses;
Poisoned my actions;
My reactions.
Self-hate and self-loathing poisoned my judgement
My judgement of myself.
It wasn’t me.
Surely it couldn’t be me
Acting like such a lunatic?!
But there was nothing I could do.
The shadow had taken my power.
The shadow was in control.
Until all that was left of me
Was a corpse.
Curled on the floor of the shower.
Empty.
Drowning.
Water, burning
Trying to feel something,
Anything.
So many forms of self-harm
To try and feel something.
To try to penetrate this numbness
This lack of ability to feel anything remotely deeply.
And still today it haunts me.
The shadow of my past.
But I’m learning to move through it.
To face the pain, at last.
I know it won’t be easy,
Lord knows it will be hard.
But I’ve adorned my strongest armour
And into battle, I will charge.
I will meet the shadows in combat
With love and with compassion
I will fight with all my might to heal
I will not turn away again.
Written by Liza Bella

Pineapple Support Announces Corporate Training Program

Pineapple Support has announced a corporate training initiative, available exclusively to sponsors of the organization, that is designed to help companies provide better support to their performers.

“The industry has suffered a number of tragic losses in the past few weeks,” said Leya Tanit, founder and CEO of Pineapple Support. “Not everyone who is suffering reaches out or asks for help directly, and it’s critical that we train people in our companies and on our platforms to recognize need, and enable them to begin discussions.”

“We know navigating this conversation without proper training can be frightening and traumatic for both the person struggling and the person attempting to help,” she continued. “Our corporate training sessions help employees and other staff members know how to react, and what resources to provide, when someone is in need.”

The sessions will cover a range of topics, noted a rep, including “how to identify and react to a performer in crisis, how to support a sexual trauma survivor, spotting the early signs of mental health issues and invisible disabilities, as well as training in gender, sexual orientation, cyber-bullying and BIPOC-specific support.”

The interactive training sessions will be held every two months and archived on a password-protected portal.

Pineapple Support, founded in 2018, has so far connected over 5,000 adult performers and industry members to mental health services, including free and low-cost therapy, counseling and emotional support.

“This is the first step in helping to build a greater web of support for industry workers,” said Tanit. “Equipped with the right knowledge and training, employees who work directly with models can play a critical role in providing crisis support. In the future, we’ll be inviting participants to gather and talk about the issues they’ve faced on their platforms, so that we can better learn from each other.”

Pineapple Support is a 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization in the United States; click here for sponsorship details.