Trauma, Therapy & Transcendence

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Lately, I’ve found myself in a full-blown obsession with Dr. Gabor Maté – the gentle, truth-bomb-dropping trauma whisperer whose voice I now hear in my head more than my own internal monologue. And honestly, I’m not mad about it.

The more I dive into his work, from The Scattered Mind to his soulful interviews, the more I am captivated by the undeniable  link between psychological healing and spiritual awakening. These two paths aren’t just parallel. They’re braided, like your childhood friendship bracelets. You tug one end, and the other tightens too.

First, Let’s Talk Definitions (Bear With Me)
Let’s demystify this a bit.
Psychological growth isn’t just “going to therapy”, it’s the deep work of understanding our patterns, healing our inner wounds, and making friends with our nervous system (yes, even when it’s in full-blown fire-drill mode). It’s learning how to stop reacting from old survival strategies and start responding from your real self.

Spiritual enlightenment, on the other hand, is a bit trickier to define without sounding like a hippie-dippy, woowoo (which to be fair, I am kinda am). Think: presence, peace, ego dissolution, oneness, or even that moment in yoga when you forgot you had emails. It’s not about floating off into the cosmos,  it’s about becoming deeply present.

What draws me to Gabor Maté, is that he doesn’t sell enlightenment. What he does is walk people toward it, through the smoke and mirrors of trauma.

The Wounded Ego and the “False Self” (AKA: Why We Can’t Just Be Chill)
According to Gabor (yes, we’re on a first-name basis now), trauma isn’t just the awful thing that happened to you. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result. It’s the internal split,  the disconnection from your authentic self in exchange for safety, belonging, or survival.

That split? It creates the false self – the overachiever, the people-pleaser, the rebel, the tough guy, the one who says “I’m fine” while inwardly Googling “how to cry without looking puffy.”

And that false self? It’s a major blocker on both the therapy couch and the meditation cushion.

Therapy as a Spiritual Practice (No Incense Required)
What I’ve come to realize, between emotional flashbacks and a frankly inappropriate number of Maté videos, is that therapy is spiritual work.
Because when you do the deep psychological digging, when you start sitting with the wounded inner child rather than running from her,  you’re not just healing trauma.
You’re also dissolving the ego.

You begin to sense, beneath all the pain and protection, a you that feels older than pain. A presence. A stillness. And you realize – oh hey, maybe that’s the real me.

Enlightenment isn’t about bypassing the mess. It’s about getting cozy in the middle of it.

Speaking of Bypassing… Let’s Not.
Here’s the trap: jumping to spirituality to avoid the emotional grunt work. “I’m not angry, I’m just sending them love and light.” Sound familiar?

Gabor Maté gently (and by gently, I mean with the precision of a psychic scalpel) warns against this: spiritual bypassing. When we skip therapy in favor of transcendence, we’re not ascending – we’re avoiding. And avoidance, my friends, is just trauma in fancier clothes.

You can’t meditate away your childhood…. you can, however, hold your inner child’s hand during meditation. That’s the difference. The Beautiful, Messy Integration

So, what’s the takeaway here?

  • To truly heal we must embrace both spiritual enlightenment and psychological growth/mind work.
  • Your tears are just as holy as your mantras.
  • And healing isn’t linear — it’s more like a spiral, with lots of tea breaks.

When we heal psychologically, we soften into our spiritual selves. When we awaken spiritually, we create more space for that healing to deepen. One supports the other, endlessly.

And maybe, just maybe, as Gabor says, the goal isn’t to become “better,” but to become more ourselves – raw, present, and fully alive.

Final Thought (Before I Download The Next Gabor AudioBook)
If you’re on a path of healing, know that every uncomfortable moment, every panic attack, every aha in therapy, every awkward boundary you set, is a step toward something bigger than you.
Not bigger in a grandiose way.
Bigger in a truer way.

It’s not about becoming enlightened. It’s about remembering you already were.

Justification vs. Understanding: A Mental Health Perspective on Self-Work

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When we start doing the work to improve our mental health, whether that’s through therapy, self-reflection, support groups, or just trying to be better humans, there’s a trap many of us fall into: justifying our behavior instead of understanding it.

At first glance, they can look similar. Both involve looking at our past and examining why we act or feel the way we do. But one leads to growth. The other keeps us stuck.

What’s the difference?

  • Justification says: “I behave this way because this happened to me, and that’s just how I am.”
  • Understanding says: “This is where the behavior comes from, but now that I see it clearly, I have the power to change.”

Justification is passive. It can become a shield we hold up when we’re not ready to face the hard work of healing. It’s rooted in survival and defensiveness. Understanding, on the other hand, is active. It opens the door to self-compassion and accountability. It says, “Yes, this hurt me, but I don’t want to keep hurting myself or others because of it.”

Why does this matter in mental health?
Because healing isn’t just about knowing why we are the way we are. It’s about what we do with that knowledge.

  • We can recognize that anxiety, trauma, or rejection shaped our reactions—but still challenge ourselves to respond in healthier ways.
  • We can see how pain informed our coping mechanisms, without excusing harmful behavior or getting stuck in victimhood.
  • We can validate our emotions, while also taking responsibility for our actions.

Mental health work is not about blaming ourselves, nor is it about blaming others forever. It’s about taking ownership of our healing journey. That means asking: “Am I using my past as a reason to stay the same, or as a reason to grow?”

From awareness to action
Understanding doesn’t mean we get it right every time. Growth is messy. It’s okay to struggle. But when we move from justification to understanding, we unlock our ability to make new choices. We become more emotionally available, more compassionate, and more capable of living lives that align with who we want to be, not just who we’ve had to be.

So next time you catch yourself saying, “That’s just how I am,” take a breath. Ask yourself, “Is this helping me grow, or is it keeping me stuck?” You deserve the kind of healing that leads to freedom, not just familiar pain.

What Autism Means To Me

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There’s been a lot of attention on autism through social media recently, and it’s become somewhat of a buzzword. To some extent, this is positive—it breaks some of the stigma surrounding the spectrum and raises awareness. But it’s also led to a wave of people self-diagnosing (nothing wrong with that, as long as it’s not a misdiagnosis or used as an excuse for poor behavior). However, the overuse of labels can sometimes be harmful.

Discovering you’re on the spectrum (ADHD and Autism) in your early 40’s is, to put it bluntly, really f-ing odd.
When my therapist first suggested it, my immediate reaction was, “Absolutely not, I’m an empath, what a ridiculous thing to suggest.” Then I spoke with some therapist friends of mine, and one by one, they all agreed—some even said they’d known since they met me (for over 10 years). News like this is not easy to digest, and it had my head spinning like a tumble dryer for many days. Once the dust had settled and I could finally process the information, I started talking to my friends. It turns out, like attracts like—over 90% of my close circle of friends are also on the spectrum. Hurrah, we move in packs! Vibe with your tribe!

Since my diagnosis, there have been many “aha” moments. Suddenly, it all made sense—why certain social situations are so difficult for me to navigate. It explains why I gravitate towards facts, my overwhelming desire to do people please, often to my detriment, and why it takes me a second to read between the lines (flirting? Never been my thing). Let’s talk about sensory overload—specifically loud noises. I always thought I didn’t like being around children because, well… children. Turns out, I actually have a good reason to steer clear of them now!
It’s also helped me understand how I like to support my friends: I’m absolutely terrible at comforting anyone who’s crying (I want to give them a pat on the back and hide in another room until they’re done), but I do want to use my pragmatism to fix, help, and support. Looking back, this is probably why I started Pineapple. People I loved were hurting—people who deserved care were uncared for—and this is how I knew to “fix” it.

Being on the spectrum didn’t just give me the drive to start Pineapple; it gave me the problem-solving skills to create a structure that would work and scale. It’s why I can approach things from a different angle and build systems that support people effectively.

There’s an interesting intersection between social justice and autism, with the two being highly intertwined, as many autistic individuals possess a strong sense of justice and may become distressed by injustice, advocating for change and challenging perceived unfairness. However, autistic people also face unique challenges and discrimination, requiring social justice efforts to ensure their rights and needs are met. What is strange to me is that this desire for social justice is seen as a “symptom of a disability”, and the sad reflection this gives of society today.

Throughout my childhood, I was called weird, felt excluded, and always knew I was different. As an adult, I’ve learned to harness these idiosyncrasies and thrive because of them. Being different, unique, that’s our superpower. Not just for those on the spectrum, but for every single one of us. Embracing our quirks and accepting our weird, wonderful selves is the biggest step we can take toward happiness. For those of you who feel like you don’t belong, like everyone else is speaking a different language, know that you aren’t alone. The world is full of people who are just like you, waiting for the space to be themselves. Accepting others without judgment and pushing ourselves to question bias is how we create a more inclusive, understanding, and united world. Together, we can make the world a place where we all belong.

Why Fit In When You Were Born to Stand Out? – Dr. Seuss

Embracing Shadow Work: A Journey Through Neurodivergence and Self-Discovery

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Shadow work—this concept of exploring the parts of ourselves we often avoid or suppress—has been one of the most transformative tools in my personal growth journey. If you’re unfamiliar with it, shadow work is about facing the “shadow”—the parts of ourselves we tend to reject, ignore, or push down because they feel uncomfortable or don’t fit into our ideal narrative. For many neurodivergent individuals, like myself, this work can be especially profound, uncovering not just personal struggles, but also the unique gifts that come with living with autism and ADHD.

Understanding the Shadow
At its core, shadow work involves examining those suppressed aspects of our psyche—our fears, vulnerabilities, behaviors, and emotions—that we usually don’t want to face. In my experience, these “shadows” are deeply tied to how I perceive and navigate the world as someone with ADHD and autism. Often, the world has a set expectation for how we should behave, think, and respond, and when we fall outside of those norms, it can feel like we’re not measuring up.

For those of us with ADHD or autism, these “shadow” qualities might include traits like impulsivity, hyperfocus, sensory overload, or social struggles. They are not flaws but ways of experiencing the world differently, and much of the shadow work I’ve done has been focused on learning to see these qualities in a new light.

The Power of Self-Reflection
Before I started doing shadow work, I viewed many of my neurodivergent traits as imperfections. My inability to stay focused on one task for long, my intense emotional reactions, or the way social situations drained me felt like things I needed to “fix.” I spent years trying to make myself fit into a mold that just wasn’t designed for me.

Through shadow work, I’ve come to realize that those qualities aren’t mistakes to correct—they are part of who I am, and they can be powerful assets if I learn to embrace them. Shadow work doesn’t just help us confront the parts of ourselves that we wish weren’t there; it encourages us to accept them, to understand where they come from, and to find ways to work with them rather than against them.

My Personal Journey
I’m still on this journey, but I’ve learned that my neurodivergence isn’t something I need to be ashamed of. It’s a unique way of experiencing and interacting with the world, and shadow work has helped me appreciate that. For example, when I’m hyperfocused on a task, I’ve learned to see it as a strength instead of something to feel guilty about. Rather than forcing myself to “snap out of it” when I get absorbed in something, I’ve learned to allow it and use it to my advantage.

On the flip side, when I feel overwhelmed by sensory input or emotional overload, shadow work encourages me to acknowledge these feelings without judgment. I no longer push them down, and instead, I take time to ground myself and process what’s happening in my mind and body. These moments of self-compassion are key to integrating my neurodivergent traits into my life in a healthy way.

How Shadow Work Can Help
Shadow work isn’t a quick fix, but with patience and practice, it can help you reframe how you see yourself and your challenges. Here are a few suggestions if you’re interested in exploring shadow work for yourself, especially if you’re navigating ADHD or autism:

  1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Traits: Start by recognizing the traits you may have been taught to suppress or view negatively. For example, if you have ADHD, embrace your creativity and ability to think outside the box instead of focusing on “lacking focus.” If you’re autistic, celebrate your attention to detail and deep focus on subjects that matter to you.
  2. Journaling and Reflection: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be an effective way to understand your shadows. When you notice feelings of shame, frustration, or inadequacy, write them down and explore why they came up. What triggered those emotions? What part of your neurodivergence is tied to them?
  3. Be Compassionate with Yourself: Shadow work requires a lot of self-compassion. There will be moments where it feels uncomfortable or where you wish you could change aspects of yourself. But instead of pushing those feelings aside, sit with them and try to understand them. Be patient with yourself as you navigate the process.
  4. Seek Support: If you find shadow work difficult, especially when it comes to deep-rooted feelings of shame or misunderstanding, consider seeking professional support. A therapist or counselor who understands ADHD, autism, and shadow work can help you navigate the emotional landscape of these complex feelings.
  5. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection: Remember, shadow work is a lifelong process. Some days, it will feel overwhelming. Other days, you’ll make huge strides. Celebrate the progress, no matter how small, and acknowledge the courage it takes to face your shadows.

Final Thoughts
Shadow work has taught me that I don’t have to change who I am to be worthy of love, acceptance, and understanding. The parts of me that once felt like burdens are now opportunities for growth. Autism and ADHD are not flaws—they are ways of navigating the world that are just as valuable as any other. Shadow work has helped me embrace my neurodivergence and integrate it into my life, not as something to fix, but as something to understand and appreciate.

If you’re on a similar journey, I encourage you to explore your own shadows with kindness, patience, and an open heart. The process of self-discovery can be transformative, and with time, you’ll see the beauty in the very traits you once thought were “too much” or “too little.” You are enough, just as you are.

With love,

Leya

Parenting as an Adult Industry Professional: Navigating Stigma and Strengthening Bonds

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Parenting is a complex and challenging role that requires love, patience, and resilience.

For sex workers who are parents, these challenges are often compounded by societal stigma, legal issues, and the need for discretion. However, many adult industry professionals manage to navigate these obstacles with grace, ensuring their children grow up in nurturing and supportive environments. This blog explores the unique experiences of parents, who are also adult industry professionals, highlighting the realities they face and the strategies they employ to balance their profession with their caregiving responsibilities.

Understanding the Challenges

Sex workers who are parents often face a unique set of challenges, including:

Stigma and Judgment: Society often views sex work through a lens of moral judgment and prejudice, leading to widespread discrimination. This stigma can affect every aspect of a sex worker’s life, from social interactions to employment opportunities in other fields. The judgment often extends to their children, who may face bullying or exclusion due to their parent’s profession.

Secrecy and Safety: Maintaining confidentiality about their profession is crucial for many, to protect themselves and their families from harm or social ostracism. This secrecy can create a barrier between parents and their children, making it challenging to foster open and honest relationships.

Legal Concerns: In many places across the world, sex work is criminalized, creating significant legal risks. These legal ramifications can significantly disrupt family stability. Navigating a legal system that repeatedly discriminates against sex workers can be daunting and requires careful planning and awareness.

Emotional Labor: Balancing the emotional demands of work within the adult industry and the emotional needs of parenting can be exhausting. The dual roles require a significant amount of emotional labor and compartmentalization, which can take a toll on the mental health of parents.

 

Strategies for Navigating Parenthood

Despite the challenges, many adult industry professionals find ways to thrive as parents. Here are some strategies they employ:

Building a Support Network: Creating a reliable support system is crucial. This network can include friends, family, and other industry professionals who understand the unique challenges they face. Support groups specifically for sex worker parents can offer a safe space to share experiences and advice, reducing feelings of isolation and providing practical help.

Education and Advocacy: Educating themselves and their children about sex work can demystify the profession and reduce internalized stigma. This involves age-appropriate discussions with their children to foster understanding and acceptance. Advocacy for sex worker rights can also create broader societal change, making it safer and more acceptable for adult industry professionals to be open about their careers.

Open Communication: Maintaining open, age-appropriate honesty with children about their profession can foster trust and reduce feelings of secrecy. Many adult industry professionals choose to explain their job in terms children can understand, emphasizing safety, consent, and the importance of respecting others’ choices. This transparency can help children feel more secure and less confused about their parents’ work.

Legal Precautions: Understanding the legal landscape and taking proactive steps to protect their rights as parents is essential. This might involve consulting with legal professionals who specialize in sex worker rights and family law. Having a clear legal strategy can help mitigate risks related to custody and other legal challenges.

Self-Care: Prioritizing self-care is crucial for managing the stress of dual roles. This can include therapy, mindfulness practices, and setting boundaries to ensure they have time to recharge. Self-care enables parents to maintain their emotional well-being, which is essential for providing stable and loving care to their children.

 

Strengthening the Parent-Child Bond

Despite the challenges, the bond between parents and their children can be incredibly strong. Many sex workers bring unique strengths to their parenting:

Resilience and Adaptability: The resilience required to navigate the challenges of sex work can translate into parenting. Parents often model adaptability and perseverance for their children, demonstrating how to overcome adversity and remain steadfast in the face of challenges.

Empathy and Understanding: The experience of facing stigma can make parents more empathetic and understanding. They often instill these values in their children, fostering a compassionate and accepting family environment. This empathy extends to teaching children to be non-judgmental and supportive of others.

Advocacy Skills: Many sex worker parents are skilled advocates, both for themselves and for broader social change. These advocacy skills can empower their children to stand up for themselves and others, teaching them the importance of fighting for their rights and the rights of others.

 

Parenting as an adult industry professional involves navigating a complex web of challenges, but it also offers unique opportunities for personal growth and family bonding. By building supportive networks, advocating for their rights, and fostering open communication with their children, sex worker parents create loving and stable homes.

It’s essential to recognize and respect the resilience and dedication these parents bring to their roles, challenging societal stigma and working towards a more inclusive and understanding world. Through their strength and advocacy, parents not only provide for their families but also contribute to the broader fight for acceptance and equality.

 

If you want like-minded people to talk to, why not join one of our Support Groups. You can sign up here.

Photo by Markus Winkler on Unsplash

Confessions of a Millennial Step-mom

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Zelena van der Leeden, MC, CDC® and Jake W. Purdy, PMP, CDC® are the Co-founders of Divorce Management, the first multi-lingual divorce coaching firm in North America. Divorce Management operates on a “pay what you can” model offering certified Divorce Coaching and Divorce Transition and Recovery Coaching. Further details can be found on their website.

 

When I was little, my biggest fear was that my mom would die and that my dad would remarry an evil woman: I did not want to end up like Cinderella or Snow White! I hated Meredith from the Parent Trap and I cried myself to sleep for days after watching Stepmom (both released in 1998 when I was 13). My parents stayed together until I was a young adult, so I never had a wicked stepmom, but I did become one…

I got married young and had the perfect Disney family for a while, but dad and I separated when my babies were 2 and 4. Being a single parent was the most difficult and enriching experience of my life. I bonded deeply with my children and I will forever cherish the times when it was just the three of us. When the kids were with dad, I traveled as much as I could and I spent a lot of time alone. It was during this time when I figured out who I really was and what I truly wanted out of life.

I did not plan to meet my fiancé and business partner while going through a divorce (he was going through one too!), but I believe we were meant to be together. We did not want to introduce ourselves to our respective children, but on a rainy day, we bumped into each other at the only indoor play structure in the neighborhood. We told the kids we were friends and they played together for hours (they were 4, 5, 6 and 7 at the time).

Motherhood is a never ending job and we learn to adapt our parenting tactics as we all grow. I have been a step-mom for over 2 years and it has been a fun and wild ride! When you parent your own children, you allow yourself to fully express your emotions, but when you are a step-mom, you second-guess your every move: am I too strict? Too lenient? Will they think I am trying to replace their mom? What should they call me?

I always consult with experts when I have doubts and we were told to be our authentic selves and to follow the children’s lead. Children respond to love and that is what we did. We never forced them to call us by a specific name or title and we treat them all the same way. They also look alike, so when we go out people think they are biological siblings and the kids don’t like it when we correct them, so we just play pretend during short interactions. They love to pretend they are two sets of twins when strangers start asking too many questions and we always share a good laugh afterwards.

My biological kids also have a step-mom and they love her. She loves doing crafts and baking, (two things I suck at), which is why I love the term “bonus mom”. Movies have turned most step-moms into villains or slutty milfs, but to me, we are just a bit of extra love and attention. Who wouldn’t want that for their kids? And yes, I am aware that there are some evil step-parents out there, but there are also abusive and neglectful biological parents. Most of humanity is good, so let’s not focus on the few that give a bad rep to the rest of us.

There is no competition, there is no replacement. If you are a step-parent and you truly love your step-children, tell them. Spend time bonding with them and don’t be afraid to discipline them, but stay true to yourself. Don’t try hard! Be patient and kind and time will take care of the rest.

 

Written by: Zelena van der Leeden, co-founder of Divorce Management

© Divorce Management 2024

 

Apply for subsidized therapy with Pineapple Support here.

Photo by Kylo on Unsplash

The Rhythmic Remedy: Why Movement and Dance are Stress Relievers

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From twirling to busting a move, there’s a lot more to dancing than just having fun.

In fact, the incorporation of movement and dance is scientifically supported as a fantastic stress reliever! Here’s why rhythmic physical activity, or “shaking it off” on the dance floor can be your ticket to a stress-free zone.

The Brain’s Happy Dance:

When you dance, your brain does a happy dance too! Engaging in physical activities like dancing releases endorphins, the chemicals in your brain responsible for making you feel good and contributing to a state of enhanced well-being. According to a study published in the *American Journal of Dance Therapy*, dancing can significantly reduce cortisol levels, the notorious stress hormone. So, next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, why not swap your worries for some salsa steps? Or, keep it simple and put on your favourite tune and dance like no one is watching.

Mindful Movement:

Ever heard of mindful dancing? It’s like meditation in motion. When you move your body or dance, you’re encouraged to be fully present in the moment. By directing attention to movement patterns and somatic sensations, practitioners cultivate a heightened state of present-moment awareness.  This focus on movement and breath can help calm your mind and  reduce stress and anxiety levels.

Emotional Expression:

Dance is an incredible form of self-expression. Whether you’re popping and locking or gracefully gliding across the floor, dancing allows you to release pent-up emotions and express yourself freely. This emotional release can be incredibly cathartic, helping to alleviate stress and tension. Plus, it’s a lot more fun than bottling up your feelings!

Social Connection:

Let’s not forget about the social aspect of dancing. Whether you’re tearing up the dance floor with friends or joining a dance class, dancing is a fantastic way to connect with others. Social support and interconnectedness is essential for combating stress, and what better way to bond than over a shared love of movement?

Physical Benefits:

Last but not least, let’s talk about the physical benefits of dancing. Not only does it get your heart pumping and your blood flowing, but it also helps to release muscle tension built up from stress. Plus, regular dancing can improve flexibility, balance, and overall physical fitness, leaving you feeling strong, energized, and ready to take on the world.

 

So, there you have it, folks – the rhythmic remedy for stress relief!

Next time life throws a curveball your way, just remember to dance it out. Whether through brain chemistry regulation, mindfulness integration, emotive expression, socio-interactive dynamics, or physiological fitness improvement, dance epitomizes a holistic approach to stress management.

 

If you feel like you need support, you can apply for subsidized therapy with Pineapple Support here.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

Dealing with Stress and Anxiety: What to Look for and How to Cope

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Dealing with stress and anxiety is something that we all go through. Here’s a quick guide to help you understand the signs, and learn some useful coping strategies.

Identifying the Signs:

In our unique industry, stress and anxiety can manifest in various ways. Just like any other artists, content creators have emotional, behavioral, and physical signs that shouldn’t be ignored. Let’s take a closer look at the signals that might resonate with those in the adult content creation realm.

Emotional Signs:

– Feeling irritable
– Overwhelmed
– Anxious, nervous, or worried
– Racing thoughts and difficulty switching off
– Disinterest in usually pleasurable activities
– Feeling lonely and isolated

Behavioral Signs:

– Difficulty in decision-making
– Avoidance behavior
– Nail-biting or skin picking
– Changes in appetite
– Self-medicating with substances
– Restlessness, difficulty concentrating
– Frequent tearfulness

Physical Signs:

– Unusual breathing or hyperventilating
– Panic or anxiety attacks
– Blurred vision, sore eyes
– Changes in libido
– Fatigue or lethargy
– Teeth grinding or jaw clenching
– Headaches or migraines
– Feeling sick, dizzy, or lightheaded

 

Coping Strategies for everyday life:

Now that we’ve identified the signs of stress and anxiety, let’s talk about some tailored coping strategies for adult content creators. These are your reliable allies, always ready to support you whenever life gets challenging.

1. Self-Care:

Start with self-care basics. A nutritious diet, ample sleep, and minimizing substances like smoking and alcohol can be transformative. Incorporate exercise into your routine – it’s not just beneficial for your physical health but also a great stress-reliever. Even a simple walk can clear the mind and boost those feel-good endorphins.

2. Unapologetic Self-Care:

Yes, so important we’ve listed it twice! Take unapologetic breaks for yourself. Whether it’s a long soak in the bath or a cozy duvet day with your favorite shows, prioritize self-indulgence when stress knocks at your door. Even the simplest things can feel therapeutic.

3. Connect with Your Community:

Your support network within the industry is priceless. Whether it’s fellow creators, industry friends, or mentors, don’t hesitate to share your concerns. Connecting with those who understand the unique challenges of the industry can be immensely comforting. Talking about your experiences can make you feel lighter.

4. Creative Expression Release:

Sometimes, you just need a good release. Express your stress through your work or channel it into physical activities like dancing, yoga, or even a fitness class. Use your creativity as a tool for mental liberation.

5. Mindful Breaks:

Pause and breathe. Incorporate mindfulness into your routine to focus on your internal experience rather than external distractions. Being non-judgmental about your feelings can help make sense of challenges.

6. Understanding What’s in Your Control:

Acknowledge what you can and cannot control in your creative journey. Understand your power and the realistic impact you can have on your circumstances. Organize your projects, make lists, and break down hurdles into manageable tasks.

You are one of a kind and your experiences with stress and anxiety are just as unique

In the world of adult content creation, stress and anxiety can be part of the creative process. Use this checklist to regularly assess your mental well-being. Regular self-assessment is the key to maintaining a healthy mental balance. Here’s to identifying, acknowledging, and conquering stress with creativity and resilience!

If you feel like you need support, you can apply for subsidized therapy with Pineapple Support here.

 

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Why Talking About Yourself is as Good as Sex

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Ever wondered why we enjoy talking about ourselves so much?

Turns out, it’s wired into our brains! The statement “talking about yourself is as good as sex” may be perceived as an exaggeration or a metaphorical expression rather than a literal comparison, but studies from Harvard University show that talking about ourselves activates the same pleasure centers in our brains as eating delicious food or having sex. Yep, sharing our stories literally gives us a natural high!

But there’s more to it than just feeling good. Psychologists say that sharing our personal experiences helps us understand our own lives better and strengthens our connections with others. According to Dr. James W. Pennebaker, an expert in expressive writing, putting our feelings into words can boost self-awareness, lower stress, and improve relationships.

So, what happens when we clam up and keep our stories to ourselves?

Well, it’s not great for our mental health. Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that holding back our emotions can lead to more stress and lower well-being. In other words, bottling up our feelings isn’t doing us any favors.

But when we open up and share our stories with others, something magical happens:

1. **Validation and Connection:** When you share personal experiences, thoughts, and feelings with others, it can lead to a sense of validation and connection. Being heard and understood by someone else can be deeply fulfilling, fostering a sense of intimacy and camaraderie.

2. **Self-Expression:** Talking about yourself allows you to express your identity, values, and beliefs. It provides an opportunity for self-reflection and self-discovery, enabling you to better understand who you are and what matters to you.

3. **Empowerment:** Sharing your experiences and perspectives can be empowering, as it allows you to assert your voice and assert your agency in shaping conversations and relationships. It can build confidence and self-esteem, enhancing your sense of autonomy and control.

4. **Catharsis:** Discussing personal matters can serve as a form of emotional release and catharsis. Opening up about challenges, triumphs, and emotions can help you process and cope with difficult experiences, leading to a sense of relief and emotional well-being.

5. **Social Bonding:** Conversations about oneself often occur within the context of social interactions and relationships. Sharing personal stories and anecdotes can strengthen bonds with others, fostering a sense of belonging and support within social networks.

 

Studies have shown that having meaningful conversations about ourselves can make us happier and more satisfied. It’s like giving ourselves a little emotional boost every time we share a piece of our lives with someone else.

Sharing stories isn’t just about talking; it’s also about listening.

When we really tune in and show interest in other people’s experiences, we build trust and understanding. It’s like a beautiful dance of conversation that brings us closer together and makes our relationships stronger.

While the comparison between talking about oneself and sex might not be exactly like sex, it underscores the importance of meaningful communication and self-expression in human relationships and personal well-being. Both activities involve a deep sense of connection, intimacy, and satisfaction, albeit in different ways. Ultimately, engaging in authentic and meaningful conversations can contribute to a richer and more fulfilling life.

So, the next time you’re itching to share a story or two, go for it! Whether it’s over a beverage with a friend or a cozy chat by the fire, remember that sharing our stories is a special part of being human. Here’s to the joy of storytelling and the connections it brings into our lives. Cheers to you, dear readers, and may your stories always be heard and cherished!

 

If you want like-minded people to talk to, why not join one of our Support Groups. You can sign up here.

March 20th – International Day of Happiness!

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Boundaries, Balance & Self Care as a Sex Worker

Boundaries, balance, and self-care are interconnected pillars that support mental, emotional, and physical well-being, ultimately contributing to a greater sense of happiness and fulfillment in life.

Establishing and maintaining boundaries can prevent burnout, reduce stress, and enhance self-esteem, leading to better mental health; achieving balance in various life domains allows us to pursue our passions, nurture relationships, and attend to our needs effectively; and practicing self-care reinforces feelings of self-worth and self-compassion. When we prioritize our well-being, we send a message to ourselves that we are deserving of care and attention, which can boost self-esteem and contribute to a more fulfilling and satisfying life.

Here’s Emma from Imperfectly you to explain how boundaries, balance and self care as an adult industry professional can lead to a greater sense of happiness!

 

Your Affirmation :

‘I set boundaries with myself and those around me, this is an act of self care’

At Imperfectly You, we know that as self employed sex workers our schedules don’t adhere to the conventional 9 – 5 grind. It’s a reality that demands a flexible approach including setting boundaries that cater to our individual needs.

Your workday might involve meeting clients, creating content, or performing in front of a camera—possibly all three! Each day in this profession is unique, and no two days for an Adult Performer are alike.

Aside from our work, we also have other interests. To the shock of some clients, we have roles, responsibilities and endeavours that don’t involve being sexy 24/7. We are multifaceted human beings after all 🙂

With that being said, balancing it all can become a bit of a juggling act and sometimes our working hours start to encroach upon our personal time. Our days may roll into one with your ‘switch off’ button nowhere to be found. This overlap can result in a decrease of productivity & enjoyment within both our work and personal life. For some this results in a lack of motivation and can be the dreaded path to burnout.

If you’re aiming to reshape your workdays to prioritise personal time and want to feel energised doing the work that you do then this exercise is for you…

Adult Work:

  • Break down your adult work into activities – client sessions / content creation / camming / editing clips / marketing, etc.
  • How many hours would you like to spend on each activity per day / week without this taking a toll on your well-being?
  • How much energy do these activities require?

Personal Time:

  • What activities are included in your personal time? -socializing / time with family / cooking / chilling / working out etc.
  • Prioritise – what activities are your non-negotiables? – reading your morning paper with a coffee (be as specific as you like)
  • What activities give you energy?
  • What activities relax you?
  • What are you not doing that you would like to do?


Examine your current schedule

Track your week to establish how you’re spending your time. Identify likes and dislikes in your daily routine. Take note of your energy and enthusiasm with each activity throughout the day. Are you a morning person or do you get a lease of life later in the afternoon?

 

What is your ideal day?

Given your current situation, what would a ‘balanced’ day look like for you? Feel free to close your eyes and really imagine what this would be like from the moment you wake up. How are you feeling within your body & mind?

You should now have an idea of things you’d perhaps like to change or improve to create more harmony throughout your day. Before you start to devise a new plan, here are some things to consider

 

A routine  

As highlighted earlier, our work doesn’t follow the typical 9-to-5 structure, yet establishing some sort of routine where we can does have its advantages. While we may say yes to last-minute requests if the money is particularly good, is it possible to designate specific hours each day for uninterrupted activities? For instance, if you’d like to commit to a 2-hour cam session daily, when can you realistically set aside this time? Finding these pockets of dedicated time amidst the fluidity of our days can be so beneficial.


Consider energy givers / takers

Think about the parts of your work or personal life that uplift you and those that drain your energy. Can you arrange an ‘energy-giving’ activity before a task that tends to deplete your energy? For eg, this may look like going to the gym before creating content or working with a client. Identify the times of day when your energy peaks, perhaps mornings are best for diving into marketing strategies, and afternoons suit more physical activities. Consider structuring your day to end with a relaxing activity, aiding in unwinding and transitioning into a state of ’switching off’ a few hours before bed.

Swallow the frog 

Tackle the toughest task first – whatever you tend to delay or avoid, prioritise it at the start of your day. Completing this task right away sets a tone of accomplishment, making the rest of your day feel smoother and more manageable. Starting with the most challenging task can uplift you from the get-go.

 

Set realistic goals

This advice is frequently repeated, yet implementing it is often more challenging than it sounds. When you’ve broken down your goal and still find yourself overwhelmed, consider setting micro-goals. Even if it means jotting down a simple 5-minute task like ‘take a shower,’ breaking it into smaller steps can make progress more achievable.


Focus on the next hour only

At times, our schedules and to-do lists can become overwhelming, hindering our progress. When you find yourself unable to move forward due to a barrage of thoughts, consider shifting your focus to the upcoming hour only. For eg – this next hour is for taking photos for content and set a new goal after each hour. These adjustments are here to empower you, not create more stress.

 

Put time limits on your tasks

Do you tend to persist until the task is done, even if it means working late into the night? Consider using a timer and adhering strictly to allocated time frames for specific activities. Self-discipline encompasses knowing when to pause just as much as it involves knowing when to work.


Protect your time

Give yourself the best chance of success by eliminating any distractions to the activity you want to achieve or enjoy. For eg, This might involve turning off your work phone when spending time with family or communicating to friends that you’ll be unavailable during specific dedicated hours. Guarding your time this way maximises your chances for quality rest & better productivity.

 

Going forwards

Now it’s time to consider what adjustments you might like to make to your upcoming week! You may have uncovered an activity that you really love to do that you haven’t been making time for. Well now is your chance.

Things to note: Avoid making too many major changes at once; try implementing one adjustment at a time and gauge its impact.

If a particular change to your schedule works well, consider incorporating additional changes gradually. Remember, achieving balance isn’t a one-time event—it’s an ongoing journey. As situations evolve, it’s valuable to periodically reassess when things feel a bit ‘off.’ Embrace this process of self-reflection to cultivate a more fulfilling and harmonious work-life balance.

If you’d like support managing your work flow and creating more time for you, you can book a free call with me here.

If you feel like you need mental health support, you can apply for subsidized therapy with Pineapple Support here.

 

Wishing you an energised and prosperous week!