Trauma, Therapy & Transcendence

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Lately, I’ve found myself in a full-blown obsession with Dr. Gabor Maté – the gentle, truth-bomb-dropping trauma whisperer whose voice I now hear in my head more than my own internal monologue. And honestly, I’m not mad about it.

The more I dive into his work, from The Scattered Mind to his soulful interviews, the more I am captivated by the undeniable  link between psychological healing and spiritual awakening. These two paths aren’t just parallel. They’re braided, like your childhood friendship bracelets. You tug one end, and the other tightens too.

First, Let’s Talk Definitions (Bear With Me)
Let’s demystify this a bit.
Psychological growth isn’t just “going to therapy”, it’s the deep work of understanding our patterns, healing our inner wounds, and making friends with our nervous system (yes, even when it’s in full-blown fire-drill mode). It’s learning how to stop reacting from old survival strategies and start responding from your real self.

Spiritual enlightenment, on the other hand, is a bit trickier to define without sounding like a hippie-dippy, woowoo (which to be fair, I am kinda am). Think: presence, peace, ego dissolution, oneness, or even that moment in yoga when you forgot you had emails. It’s not about floating off into the cosmos,  it’s about becoming deeply present.

What draws me to Gabor Maté, is that he doesn’t sell enlightenment. What he does is walk people toward it, through the smoke and mirrors of trauma.

The Wounded Ego and the “False Self” (AKA: Why We Can’t Just Be Chill)
According to Gabor (yes, we’re on a first-name basis now), trauma isn’t just the awful thing that happened to you. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result. It’s the internal split,  the disconnection from your authentic self in exchange for safety, belonging, or survival.

That split? It creates the false self – the overachiever, the people-pleaser, the rebel, the tough guy, the one who says “I’m fine” while inwardly Googling “how to cry without looking puffy.”

And that false self? It’s a major blocker on both the therapy couch and the meditation cushion.

Therapy as a Spiritual Practice (No Incense Required)
What I’ve come to realize, between emotional flashbacks and a frankly inappropriate number of Maté videos, is that therapy is spiritual work.
Because when you do the deep psychological digging, when you start sitting with the wounded inner child rather than running from her,  you’re not just healing trauma.
You’re also dissolving the ego.

You begin to sense, beneath all the pain and protection, a you that feels older than pain. A presence. A stillness. And you realize – oh hey, maybe that’s the real me.

Enlightenment isn’t about bypassing the mess. It’s about getting cozy in the middle of it.

Speaking of Bypassing… Let’s Not.
Here’s the trap: jumping to spirituality to avoid the emotional grunt work. “I’m not angry, I’m just sending them love and light.” Sound familiar?

Gabor Maté gently (and by gently, I mean with the precision of a psychic scalpel) warns against this: spiritual bypassing. When we skip therapy in favor of transcendence, we’re not ascending – we’re avoiding. And avoidance, my friends, is just trauma in fancier clothes.

You can’t meditate away your childhood…. you can, however, hold your inner child’s hand during meditation. That’s the difference. The Beautiful, Messy Integration

So, what’s the takeaway here?

  • To truly heal we must embrace both spiritual enlightenment and psychological growth/mind work.
  • Your tears are just as holy as your mantras.
  • And healing isn’t linear — it’s more like a spiral, with lots of tea breaks.

When we heal psychologically, we soften into our spiritual selves. When we awaken spiritually, we create more space for that healing to deepen. One supports the other, endlessly.

And maybe, just maybe, as Gabor says, the goal isn’t to become “better,” but to become more ourselves – raw, present, and fully alive.

Final Thought (Before I Download The Next Gabor AudioBook)
If you’re on a path of healing, know that every uncomfortable moment, every panic attack, every aha in therapy, every awkward boundary you set, is a step toward something bigger than you.
Not bigger in a grandiose way.
Bigger in a truer way.

It’s not about becoming enlightened. It’s about remembering you already were.

Justification vs. Understanding: A Mental Health Perspective on Self-Work

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When we start doing the work to improve our mental health, whether that’s through therapy, self-reflection, support groups, or just trying to be better humans, there’s a trap many of us fall into: justifying our behavior instead of understanding it.

At first glance, they can look similar. Both involve looking at our past and examining why we act or feel the way we do. But one leads to growth. The other keeps us stuck.

What’s the difference?

  • Justification says: “I behave this way because this happened to me, and that’s just how I am.”
  • Understanding says: “This is where the behavior comes from, but now that I see it clearly, I have the power to change.”

Justification is passive. It can become a shield we hold up when we’re not ready to face the hard work of healing. It’s rooted in survival and defensiveness. Understanding, on the other hand, is active. It opens the door to self-compassion and accountability. It says, “Yes, this hurt me, but I don’t want to keep hurting myself or others because of it.”

Why does this matter in mental health?
Because healing isn’t just about knowing why we are the way we are. It’s about what we do with that knowledge.

  • We can recognize that anxiety, trauma, or rejection shaped our reactions—but still challenge ourselves to respond in healthier ways.
  • We can see how pain informed our coping mechanisms, without excusing harmful behavior or getting stuck in victimhood.
  • We can validate our emotions, while also taking responsibility for our actions.

Mental health work is not about blaming ourselves, nor is it about blaming others forever. It’s about taking ownership of our healing journey. That means asking: “Am I using my past as a reason to stay the same, or as a reason to grow?”

From awareness to action
Understanding doesn’t mean we get it right every time. Growth is messy. It’s okay to struggle. But when we move from justification to understanding, we unlock our ability to make new choices. We become more emotionally available, more compassionate, and more capable of living lives that align with who we want to be, not just who we’ve had to be.

So next time you catch yourself saying, “That’s just how I am,” take a breath. Ask yourself, “Is this helping me grow, or is it keeping me stuck?” You deserve the kind of healing that leads to freedom, not just familiar pain.

What Autism Means To Me

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There’s been a lot of attention on autism through social media recently, and it’s become somewhat of a buzzword. To some extent, this is positive—it breaks some of the stigma surrounding the spectrum and raises awareness. But it’s also led to a wave of people self-diagnosing (nothing wrong with that, as long as it’s not a misdiagnosis or used as an excuse for poor behavior). However, the overuse of labels can sometimes be harmful.

Discovering you’re on the spectrum (ADHD and Autism) in your early 40’s is, to put it bluntly, really f-ing odd.
When my therapist first suggested it, my immediate reaction was, “Absolutely not, I’m an empath, what a ridiculous thing to suggest.” Then I spoke with some therapist friends of mine, and one by one, they all agreed—some even said they’d known since they met me (for over 10 years). News like this is not easy to digest, and it had my head spinning like a tumble dryer for many days. Once the dust had settled and I could finally process the information, I started talking to my friends. It turns out, like attracts like—over 90% of my close circle of friends are also on the spectrum. Hurrah, we move in packs! Vibe with your tribe!

Since my diagnosis, there have been many “aha” moments. Suddenly, it all made sense—why certain social situations are so difficult for me to navigate. It explains why I gravitate towards facts, my overwhelming desire to do people please, often to my detriment, and why it takes me a second to read between the lines (flirting? Never been my thing). Let’s talk about sensory overload—specifically loud noises. I always thought I didn’t like being around children because, well… children. Turns out, I actually have a good reason to steer clear of them now!
It’s also helped me understand how I like to support my friends: I’m absolutely terrible at comforting anyone who’s crying (I want to give them a pat on the back and hide in another room until they’re done), but I do want to use my pragmatism to fix, help, and support. Looking back, this is probably why I started Pineapple. People I loved were hurting—people who deserved care were uncared for—and this is how I knew to “fix” it.

Being on the spectrum didn’t just give me the drive to start Pineapple; it gave me the problem-solving skills to create a structure that would work and scale. It’s why I can approach things from a different angle and build systems that support people effectively.

There’s an interesting intersection between social justice and autism, with the two being highly intertwined, as many autistic individuals possess a strong sense of justice and may become distressed by injustice, advocating for change and challenging perceived unfairness. However, autistic people also face unique challenges and discrimination, requiring social justice efforts to ensure their rights and needs are met. What is strange to me is that this desire for social justice is seen as a “symptom of a disability”, and the sad reflection this gives of society today.

Throughout my childhood, I was called weird, felt excluded, and always knew I was different. As an adult, I’ve learned to harness these idiosyncrasies and thrive because of them. Being different, unique, that’s our superpower. Not just for those on the spectrum, but for every single one of us. Embracing our quirks and accepting our weird, wonderful selves is the biggest step we can take toward happiness. For those of you who feel like you don’t belong, like everyone else is speaking a different language, know that you aren’t alone. The world is full of people who are just like you, waiting for the space to be themselves. Accepting others without judgment and pushing ourselves to question bias is how we create a more inclusive, understanding, and united world. Together, we can make the world a place where we all belong.

Why Fit In When You Were Born to Stand Out? – Dr. Seuss

Embracing Shadow Work: A Journey Through Neurodivergence and Self-Discovery

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Shadow work—this concept of exploring the parts of ourselves we often avoid or suppress—has been one of the most transformative tools in my personal growth journey. If you’re unfamiliar with it, shadow work is about facing the “shadow”—the parts of ourselves we tend to reject, ignore, or push down because they feel uncomfortable or don’t fit into our ideal narrative. For many neurodivergent individuals, like myself, this work can be especially profound, uncovering not just personal struggles, but also the unique gifts that come with living with autism and ADHD.

Understanding the Shadow
At its core, shadow work involves examining those suppressed aspects of our psyche—our fears, vulnerabilities, behaviors, and emotions—that we usually don’t want to face. In my experience, these “shadows” are deeply tied to how I perceive and navigate the world as someone with ADHD and autism. Often, the world has a set expectation for how we should behave, think, and respond, and when we fall outside of those norms, it can feel like we’re not measuring up.

For those of us with ADHD or autism, these “shadow” qualities might include traits like impulsivity, hyperfocus, sensory overload, or social struggles. They are not flaws but ways of experiencing the world differently, and much of the shadow work I’ve done has been focused on learning to see these qualities in a new light.

The Power of Self-Reflection
Before I started doing shadow work, I viewed many of my neurodivergent traits as imperfections. My inability to stay focused on one task for long, my intense emotional reactions, or the way social situations drained me felt like things I needed to “fix.” I spent years trying to make myself fit into a mold that just wasn’t designed for me.

Through shadow work, I’ve come to realize that those qualities aren’t mistakes to correct—they are part of who I am, and they can be powerful assets if I learn to embrace them. Shadow work doesn’t just help us confront the parts of ourselves that we wish weren’t there; it encourages us to accept them, to understand where they come from, and to find ways to work with them rather than against them.

My Personal Journey
I’m still on this journey, but I’ve learned that my neurodivergence isn’t something I need to be ashamed of. It’s a unique way of experiencing and interacting with the world, and shadow work has helped me appreciate that. For example, when I’m hyperfocused on a task, I’ve learned to see it as a strength instead of something to feel guilty about. Rather than forcing myself to “snap out of it” when I get absorbed in something, I’ve learned to allow it and use it to my advantage.

On the flip side, when I feel overwhelmed by sensory input or emotional overload, shadow work encourages me to acknowledge these feelings without judgment. I no longer push them down, and instead, I take time to ground myself and process what’s happening in my mind and body. These moments of self-compassion are key to integrating my neurodivergent traits into my life in a healthy way.

How Shadow Work Can Help
Shadow work isn’t a quick fix, but with patience and practice, it can help you reframe how you see yourself and your challenges. Here are a few suggestions if you’re interested in exploring shadow work for yourself, especially if you’re navigating ADHD or autism:

  1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Traits: Start by recognizing the traits you may have been taught to suppress or view negatively. For example, if you have ADHD, embrace your creativity and ability to think outside the box instead of focusing on “lacking focus.” If you’re autistic, celebrate your attention to detail and deep focus on subjects that matter to you.
  2. Journaling and Reflection: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be an effective way to understand your shadows. When you notice feelings of shame, frustration, or inadequacy, write them down and explore why they came up. What triggered those emotions? What part of your neurodivergence is tied to them?
  3. Be Compassionate with Yourself: Shadow work requires a lot of self-compassion. There will be moments where it feels uncomfortable or where you wish you could change aspects of yourself. But instead of pushing those feelings aside, sit with them and try to understand them. Be patient with yourself as you navigate the process.
  4. Seek Support: If you find shadow work difficult, especially when it comes to deep-rooted feelings of shame or misunderstanding, consider seeking professional support. A therapist or counselor who understands ADHD, autism, and shadow work can help you navigate the emotional landscape of these complex feelings.
  5. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection: Remember, shadow work is a lifelong process. Some days, it will feel overwhelming. Other days, you’ll make huge strides. Celebrate the progress, no matter how small, and acknowledge the courage it takes to face your shadows.

Final Thoughts
Shadow work has taught me that I don’t have to change who I am to be worthy of love, acceptance, and understanding. The parts of me that once felt like burdens are now opportunities for growth. Autism and ADHD are not flaws—they are ways of navigating the world that are just as valuable as any other. Shadow work has helped me embrace my neurodivergence and integrate it into my life, not as something to fix, but as something to understand and appreciate.

If you’re on a similar journey, I encourage you to explore your own shadows with kindness, patience, and an open heart. The process of self-discovery can be transformative, and with time, you’ll see the beauty in the very traits you once thought were “too much” or “too little.” You are enough, just as you are.

With love,

Leya

Building a Support System in the Adult Industry

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Emma is an International Life Coach, friend and ally to those working within the adult industries. You can contact her here – www.imperfectly-you.com

 

In the world of adult entertainment, performers often face unique challenges and complexities that can make it difficult to find a strong support system. Maintaining a healthy work-life balance, dealing with stigma, and managing relationships can be particularly challenging. That’s why it’s crucial to explore the importance of having a network of supportive friends and allies who understand the challenges of this industry.

The Isolation Dilemma

The adult industry can be a solitary place. Many performers lead double lives, keeping their profession hidden from their friends and family due to the persistent stigma associated with the work. This isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and even depression. The need for a supportive network becomes all the more critical.

Understanding and Empathy

Having friends and allies who understand the unique challenges of the adult industry can provide a sense of relief and belonging. These individuals offer empathy, as they’ve likely faced similar issues. They understand the stigma, the struggles with work-life balance, and the difficulties of maintaining personal relationships. They can provide invaluable advice, share experiences, and be a source of genuine empathy and understanding.

Finding Supportive Friends

Building a support system starts with finding the right people who can be there for you. Here’s how to go about it:

  1. Online Communities: Seek out online forums, social media groups, or private communities where individuals in the adult industry connect. At Imperfectly You we have a private and friendly community where sex workers can share experiences, gain advice and form valuable connections.
  2. Attend Industry Events: Many adult entertainment events, conferences, and trade shows offer opportunities to meet and connect with peers. These events can help you establish a sense of community and build lasting relationships with those who understand your world. We recently attended XBIZ Amsterdam and met so many wonderful people!
  3. Reach Out to Trusted Peers: Over time, you may come to know peers in the industry whom you trust. Opening up to them about your challenges can lead to deep, supportive friendships. Sharing your experiences can be liberating and strengthen your connection with others.
  4. Seek Professional Help: Sometimes, the support of friends may not be enough. Consider reaching out to therapists or counselors through Pineapple Support who specialize in working with people in the adult industry. They can offer a non-judgmental space for you to discuss your feelings and challenges.

 

Benefits of a Supportive Network

Reduced Stigma: When you have friends and allies who understand your work, it can help reduce the stigma you may face from others. Knowing that you have people who accept you for who you are can boost your self-esteem and self-worth.

 

Mental Health: A supportive network can be a lifeline for your mental health. It offers a safe space to express your feelings, seek advice, and gain emotional support during tough times. Within our network mental health is at the forefront of our ethos – how can we be great performers if we don’t feel great ourselves? You come first and work comes second.

 

Professional Growth: Your network can be a valuable resource for career growth. You can learn from others’ experiences and insights, helping you navigate the industry more successfully. Our daily group chat is filled with amazing tips and tricks to help you succeed in this industry.

 

Healthy Relationships: Friends who understand your profession are more likely to offer advice on managing personal relationships and maintaining a work-life balance. Their guidance can be priceless. Within our network we meet monthly over zoom forming real friendships between real people.

 

Mutual Support: Remember, your friends and allies need your support too. The give-and-take nature of these relationships can create a strong bond that benefits all involved.

 

In Conclusion

Building a support system in the adult industry is not just beneficial; it’s often essential for your well-being and professional success. The understanding and empathy offered by friends and allies who share your experiences can help you navigate the challenges unique to the industry, reduce the stigma you face, and ultimately lead a more fulfilling life. Seek out these connections, both online and in-person, and remember that there are people who genuinely understand and care about you as a person, not just your profession.

 

Life Coach Emma x

Is your work/life balance out of whack?

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Emma is an International Life Coach, friend and ally to those working within the adult industries. You can contact her here – www.imperfectly-you.com

 

In a world that often blurs the lines between work and personal life, the importance of maintaining a healthy work-life balance is so important. This holds true across all professions, including sex work. The unique challenges and dynamics of this industry make achieving balance all the more vital. Let’s delve into why work-life balance is crucial for sex workers, and how it can be achieved.

1. Preserving Mental and Emotional Well-being:

Engaging in sex work can be emotionally demanding. The intimate nature of the interactions and the potential for encountering difficult or complex situations can take a toll on your mental health. Establishing clear boundaries between work and personal life can help you prevent emotional burnout and fatigue. By allocating time and space to focus on personal well-being, you can recharge and process your emotions in a healthy way. Taking time for yourself matters!

2. Ensuring Physical Health:

Whether sex work involves physical interactions or not, the stressors of the profession can impact your physical health. Erratic schedules, long hours, sitting on a bed all day, contorted into strange positions and using toys regularly can have an effect on your body. Checking in with how you feel physically and noticing when it may be time to rest is crucial. A balanced routine that includes regular exercise/movement, proper nutrition, and sufficient rest is essential for maintaining your physical health.

3. Nurturing Relationships:

Building and nurturing personal relationships can be challenging when coping with the demands of sex work. A healthy work-life balance allows time to be spent with your friends, family, and partners too. It can be tempting to work those extra hours in the evening instead of seeing the ones you love but your close relationships can offer a support system and sense of belonging for you during challenging times.

4. Avoiding Isolation:

The nature of sex work often necessitates secrecy and perhaps working alone most days, which can lead to feelings of isolation. Isolation, in turn, can negatively impact your mental health. A balanced life encourages social interactions and connections outside of your professional space. Engaging in hobbies, social activities, and generally just doing the things you enjoy with others can counteract the isolating effects of leading a double life.

5. Enhancing Productivity and Focus:

When work and personal life become intertwined, it becomes challenging to dedicate focused time to either. Sometimes you may get the feeling of constantly ‘chasing your tail’, not able to wholeheartedly put yourself into work OR just relax. By setting clear boundaries and allocating specific times for work-related activities, you can enhance your productivity during work hours and fully engage in personal activities during your downtime without feeling guilty.

6. Sustaining Longevity:

Without proper work-life balance, the risk of burning out or experiencing emotional exhaustion increases significantly. By prioritising your well-being, you can create a more sustainable and fulfilling career in the long run.

7. Empowerment and Self-Worth:

Achieving work-life balance is an act of empowerment. It communicates to yourself that personal well-being and happiness hold inherent value. By practising self-care and setting boundaries, you can reinforce your self-worth and feel more in control.

In conclusion, work-life balance is a critical aspect for you! By prioritising self-care, setting boundaries, and nurturing personal relationships, you can navigate the unique challenges of your profession while maintaining your mental, emotional, and physical health.

How do you manage your work/life balance?

 

Life Coach Emma x

Do you feel like you’re living a double life?

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Emma is an International Life Coach, friend and ally to those working within the adult industries. You can contact her here – www.imperfectly-you.com

 

The Choice for Transparency :

At a time when our personal lives are increasingly shared and documented on social media, some sex workers have chosen to embrace a path of transparency and openness about their profession.

These individuals often find empowerment in breaking down the societal stigma associated with sex work. They advertise their services boldly on various online platforms, share their experiences through blogs and social media accounts, and have open conversations with their family and friends about their chosen profession. Their decision to be public about their work reflects a desire for authenticity and a drive to challenge societal norms.

For these sex workers, the journey to public visibility has not been without its challenges. They face judgement and backlash from those who hold more traditional views, and they grapple with the ongoing fight against the pervasive stigma surrounding their occupation. Yet, their commitment to openness serves as a beacon of hope for dismantling these prejudices. By putting a human face on sex work, they are raising awareness, fostering understanding, and advocating for the rights and dignity of all individuals engaged in this line of work.

 

Embracing Anonymity :

On the opposite end of the spectrum, some sex workers opt for anonymity, carefully guarding their secret from all but a select few. These individuals recognize the weight of societal judgement and the potential repercussions that might come from openly acknowledging their involvement in the industry. To maintain a sense of normalcy in their personal lives, they present a different face to the world – one that conforms to societal expectations and avoids the harsh spotlight of scrutiny.

For them, the double life becomes a coping mechanism, allowing them to navigate the complexities of their profession while preserving a semblance of privacy and safety. Balancing between two identities, they navigate the challenges of compartmentalization, carefully choosing who to confide in about their reality. This path may involve creating elaborate narratives to explain their income or time commitments, further underscoring the lengths they go to maintain their chosen level of secrecy.

 

The Spectrum of Experience

Across these potential situations lies a vast spectrum of experiences that encompass the world of sex work. From the outwardly open sex worker to the individual whose parallel life is a closely guarded secret…the range of situations and motivations is as diverse as humanity itself. Some may engage in sex work out of necessity, while others find empowerment and fulfillment in their chosen profession.

No matter where they fall on this spectrum, the shared thread of leading a double life often binds them together. Navigating the intricacies of maintaining separate identities (personal and professional), balancing societal expectations, and grappling with the internal conflicts that can arise is no small feat. The journey can be rife with emotional challenges, as well as moments of triumph when they decide to assert our truth in the face of adversity.

The decision to be public or anonymous is a deeply personal one, influenced by a myriad of factors including societal norms, legal considerations, and personal values. Whether you choose to be an advocate for change by embracing transparency or seek refuge in the shadows of anonymity, the courage and strength required to work in this field should not be underestimated. It is a reminder that every individual’s journey is unique, and your choices deserve respect and understanding.

No matter where you find yourself on the spectrum of sex work visibility, the pursuit of authenticity remains a universal desire. Striking a balance between the various facets of your life, even as you navigate the challenges of leading a double life, is possible. Here are some strategies to help you live authentically, no matter your chosen level of openness:

  1. Self-Awareness and Reflection: Take time to reflect on your motivations, values, and goals. Understand why you’ve chosen the level of visibility that you have. This self-awareness can help you align your actions with your personal values and make intentional decisions about how to present yourself to the world.
  2. Boundary Setting: Whether you’re fully open about your sex work or keeping it private, establish clear boundaries between your personal and professional lives. Clearly define how much information you’re comfortable sharing with different people.
  3. Selective Disclosure: For those who prefer to keep their sex work private, consider identifying a trusted circle of friends or family members to whom you can confide in. Having a support system can provide a space where you can be your authentic self without fear of judgement.
  4. Education and Advocacy: If you’re open about your involvement in sex work, consider using your platform to educate others about the realities of the industry, dispel myths, and advocate for the rights and well-being of sex workers. This proactive approach can empower you and contribute to positive change.
  5. Seek Support: Engaging with others who share similar experiences can be incredibly validating and empowering. Online communities, support groups, and advocacy organisations can offer a safe space to connect, share, and learn from one another.
  6. Prioritise Mental Health: Regardless of your chosen level of visibility, the emotional toll of leading a double life can be significant. Prioritise your mental health by seeking supportive communities, practising self-care, and developing coping strategies to manage stress and emotional challenges.
  7. Authentic Self-Care: Incorporate activities and practices into your life that help you reconnect with your authentic self. This could include pursuing hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or engaging in activities that bring you joy outside of your professional identity.
  8. Embrace Flexibility: Understand that your level of visibility might evolve over time. As you grow, your comfort and willingness to share aspects of your life may change. Embrace this fluidity and adjust your approach as needed.
  9. Challenge Internalised Stigma: If you’re struggling with feelings of shame or guilt related to your involvement in sex work, work on challenging those internalized stigmas. Recognize that your worth is not defined by your profession, and seek out affirming perspectives. You could also speak to a professional who can help you work through these feelings.
  10. Celebrate Small Victories: Living authentically, especially in the face of societal challenges, is an ongoing journey. Celebrate the small victories, whether that’s having an honest conversation with a friend or family member or advocating for change in your community.

In the end, the pursuit of authenticity is a deeply personal journey. While the circumstances and choices of sex workers may vary widely, the shared goal of living authentically bridges the gaps between these experiences.

By honouring your personal values, setting healthy boundaries, seeking support, and advocating for change when possible, you can navigate the complexities of working within the sex industry while still remaining true to yourself.

Remember that your journey is valid, and you have the power to shape your narrative on your own terms.

 

Life Coach Emma x

The Importance of Creating a Work-Life Balance

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We can all struggle with our work-life balance, especially if we work from home. There are times when it’s hard to even remember to eat. At other times, we feel like we would rather do the housework than deal with our paid work duties.
It’s easy to find ourselves in a place whereby we no longer even recognise the difference between work and our real life, thus creating an inequality in our work-life balance. The longer it continues, the harder it can be to even acknowledge that there is an issue.
Some people find that taking a break once or twice a year, to go on holiday and recharge the batteries, is enough. However for those working from home and/or running their own business, find it much harder to switch off and rarely go away for complete rest breaks, or holidays.

Creating a work-life balance is essential for maintaining overall well-being and ensuring that both your professional and personal lives are fulfilling. Here are some strategies to help you achieve a better work-life balance:

·         Set clear boundaries
Clearly define your working hours and personal time. Establish boundaries with your employer, colleagues, and clients to ensure that your personal time is respected.

·         Learn to say no
Don’t take on more than you can handle. Be selective about additional commitments and learn to say no to requests that will overwhelm your schedule or compromise your personal time.

·         Plan and organize
Develop effective planning and organizational systems to manage your time efficiently. Use calendars, to-do lists, and productivity tools to prioritize tasks and minimize wasted time.

·         Make time for self-care
Regularly engage in activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as meditation, exercise, reading, or spending time in nature.

·         Embrace flexibility
Whenever possible, seek flexible work arrangements that allow you to balance work and personal commitments more effectively.

·         Set boundaries with family and friends
Ensure your loved ones understand the importance of your work commitments and the need for undisturbed work hours. Also, communicate the value of your personal time to them.

·         Prioritize and delegate
Identify your most important tasks and focus on them first. Learn to delegate tasks that can be handled by others, whether at work or home, to lighten your workload.

·         Limit distractions
Minimize distractions at work and home to increase productivity and efficiency. This will allow you to get work done faster, leaving more time for your personal life.

·         Unplug from technology
Disconnect from work-related technology during your personal time to reduce stress and create mental space for relaxation.

·         Communicate with your employer and colleagues
If you find yourself overwhelmed with work, discuss your concerns with your employer or team members. They may be able to offer support or make adjustments to your workload.

·         Avoid overcommitting
Be realistic about what you can accomplish in both your professional and personal life. Overcommitting can lead to burnout and impact your overall well-being.

 

Remember that achieving a work-life balance is an ongoing process, and it may require adjustments as your circumstances change. Be patient with yourself and make small changes to gradually create a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Don’t be afraid of asking for help and never feel guilty about scheduling time for yourself. Pineapple offers various types of support for well-being and your mental and physical health. Remember, someone is only a phone call away.

Stay Safe x

A Magical Hogwarts Workout : Unlocking the Mood-Boosting Power of Exercise – The Cam Girl and The Coach

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Emma is an International Life Coach, friend and ally to those working within the adult industries. You can contact her here – www.imperfectly-you.com

 

The Cam Model story –

The client entered an exclusive chat…

C : ‘Can you do a role play for me?’

‘Erm sure’ I replied…only 1 week into my new camming job

C : ‘I’d love to do a Harry Potter Scene, can you be Hermione and I’ll be the gym teacher?’

‘Yes great’ I said, ‘so how should we start?’

C : ‘You’re in a gym class at Hogwarts school, and I’m about to put you through a sweaty workout – are you sure you’re ready?’

I replied ‘yes of course!’ I also felt pretty smug, this client didn’t know that I was absolutely obsessed with exercise and loved nothing more than a hard-core gym sesh…there’s no way he would break me. I was SO ready…

Half an hour in and we had wall sits (on a dildo) , burpees (whilst sucking a dildo) and full squat reps…yes you’ve guessed it ON TO A DILDO.

My god this guy was relentless, I was absolutely pouring in sweat, mascara melting down my face but adamant that I wouldn’t call for mercy. When I agreed to do this exclusive block session I forgot that it wasn’t going to be just a workout and would obviously involve some sort of sex work – duh, god I was naive in my first week of my new job.

After 45 minutes of a gruelling sweaty dildo fuelled HIIT workout the session finally came to an end with the client finally requesting I scream,

‘I’m Hermione the Hogwarts Gym Slut and I want you to penetrate me with your magical wand dark lord!!!’

Thank fuck that was over….

Afterwards I was swiftly left with a message in my inbox announcing my acceptance into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry, I’d passed the test. This certificate was attached.

 

The effort of this client really was amazing

Even though it was very sweaty, gruelling and tough, the endorphins were flowing and I felt AMAZING. Why is it that exercise can make us feel so goddamn good?!

 

Thoughts from the coach – 

The very first thing I’ll ask a client if they are suffering from low mood is – are you active?

It plays a HUGE part in how we feel about ourselves and the world around us.

Engaging in physical activity triggers the release of chemicals in your brain that contribute to a profound sense of well-being, bolstering self-esteem, improving concentration, quality of sleep, and overall mood.

I personally use exercise to manage my OCD. I had suffered with this since I was a child. After taking up regular exercise in my mid 20’s (I’m now 35) my OCD has been practically non existent. You can read more about my story with Crossfit & OCD here.

Yes my vice was Crossfit, but you don’t have to be as extreme. It can be as varied as a walk in the park, dancing in your living room or gentle stretches.

So, if you’re new to exercise or just starting again what can you do to help yourself?

 

  • Start slowly – don’t push yourself too hard at the beginning. Begin with short sessions and low intensity to give your body time to adapt.
  • Find a workout buddy or a class – Exercising with a friend or in a group can provide motivation, support, and make the experience more enjoyable.
  • Choose activities you enjoy: Find physical activities that you genuinely enjoy doing. It could be dancing, swimming, hiking, cycling, or even a team sport. When you have fun, it becomes easier to stay motivated.
  • Set reminders: Put exercise sessions in your calendar or set reminders on your phone to help you stay on track.
  • Track your progress: Seeing yourself improving is one of the greatest motivators!
  • Get enough rest: Allow your body to recover by getting adequate sleep and incorporating rest days into your exercise routine, this is so important.

Check in with your mind: How did you feel before and after, has your mood improved?

*If you experience pain or discomfort, take a break and consult a healthcare professional if needed.
**dildo also optional

Remember, the key is to start small, stay consistent, and gradually build up your exercise routine. It’s not about perfection; it’s about progress and taking care of your body and mind.
Tomorrow’s ‘you’ will thank you!

Life Coach Emma x

Finding Strength in Slow Times: The Unwavering Resilience of Cam Models – The Cam Girl and the Coach

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Emma is an International Life Coach, friend and ally to those working within the adult industries. You can contact her here – www.imperfectly-you.com

 

Sarah’s story – 

I went from making $250 in an hour to $39 in an hour overnight.

In the business of online camming this is just the way the cookie crumbles.

One day you’re smashing your personal targets and the next there’s virtual tumbleweed blowing through your chat room. Not a soul willing to spend any money with you.

You’re doing the exact same thing you usually do, chatting to customers and giving off the energy that your customers usually LOVE.

When I’m experiencing periods of low income, sometimes it’s difficult to not think it’s my fault. Is it something that I’m doing wrong?

This isn’t like a 9 to 5 where if I’m having an off day I show up, do the bare minimum and still get paid the same.

If I don’t show up and give it my all – I don’t get paid, and sometimes even that isn’t enough. This is why I think that resilience is one of the key traits needed to work in this industry.

What can we do to help ourselves be more resilient during times like these?


Thoughts from the Coach – 

The more than likely reality is that things may be slow due to other reasons that are out of your control. The cam website may be sending less traffic your way, it’s a time of the month where customers haven’t been paid yet or there could be public holidays causing your usual customers to be spending time with their families instead of jerking off online.

Whatever the reason you will never truly know, but rest assured I’m 99.9% sure it’s not your fault.

So let’s discuss resilience….the ability to adapt, bounce back and recover from challenges and setbacks.

Resilient people tap into their strengths and support systems to work through problems. How could this apply when camming?

  1. Prioritize self care – When traffic is slow you may feel the need to work every hour under the sun. This can sometimes be at the cost of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. It’s important to make time for yourself and avoid overworking by setting hours you are comfortable with and being strict with yourself by not working any longer than this. Engaging in activities that recharge you can also help such as exercise, hobbies, relaxation techniques, or spending time with friends/family.
  2. Set Boundaries – When your room is quiet you may be tempted to offer services, roleplays or situations that you wouldn’t usually consider. Although this may be tempting, if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, don’t do it. Determine what you are comfortable with regarding the content, interactions, and level of engagement you are willing to offer. Communicate these boundaries to your viewers and enforce them consistently. 
  3. Adaptability – If it’s slow on stream how else might you make extra income – can you sell content via mass messaging or other platforms? Perhaps you could drop your price per minute and offer much more PG content like dirty talk for only a fraction of the price.
  4. Social Support – https://www.reddit.com/r/CamGirlProblems/ & https://www.wecamgirls.com/ are great places to connect with other cam models. Having access to supportive relationships and resources in the adult industry can provide emotional, practical, and informational support during difficult times. These types of forums are a great place to ask for advice when times may be slow. Most models on these sites are more than happy to help a fellow model.


Remember – you are powerful, adaptive, creative and resilient! Wishing you a profitable week.

Life Coach Emma x