Maintaining a Routine While In Isolation

You’re stuck at home, all your usual hangouts are closed, you can’t do the day to day activities you would usually be doing. It’s all too easy to say “fuck it” and stay in bed, sloth around the house eating random combinations of whatever is in the cupboard and watching crappy TV.

Having a day or two every now and again to wallow in our own filth and enjoy the pleasures of numbing our minds and bodies, is perfectly acceptable. In fact, I recommend it. This is not however a healthy way to spend the majority of your time, particularly in isolation.

Days will drag and moods will drop (and drop and drop) until you find yourself in a downward spiral that is hard to get out of. If you’re currently struggling with this, it’s okay, you’re not alone.

Here are my tips for creating a routine while in Isolation.

Early Morning
Each morning I get up at around 7.30am, feed all my animals (question why I have so many animals), make myself a hot drink and, weather depending, sit in the garden for around half an hour. I use this time to catch up on personal social media and messages, to reflect on the day ahead and to be grateful for all that I have.

Morning
As someone who regularly works from home, I am a huge advocate of dressing for work. The does not mean a suit and full make up, it does mean taking a shower, brushing my hair and putting on something that isn’t pyjamas.

By 8.30am I try to be sat behind my desk and to start setting out what I hope to achieve that day.
Most of us are privileged to be able to do some work from home. Be it editing movies you haven’t released yet, doing admin and upkeep on your clips store or cam profile. Work on your premium site profiles or interact with fans. Use this time to do all the niggling jobs you haven’t yet found the time to do.
If you can’t work from home, get creative, look at picking up an old hobby or discovering a new one.

Each day at 10am I take an hours break from work to exercise with a friend online. We do this by picking a video on YouTube and starting it at the same time.
For me, training is one of those things I will continue to put off, unless there’s someone to hold me accountable. Training with a friend, not only makes it more fun, but creates an environment where you can both encourage each other to keep active.

Afternoon
At around 1pm I take a break from the computer to create a healthy lunch and spend an hour trying not to think about work. Then back to the grindstone until between 5 and 6pm.
I have had to be very strict with myself regarding the hours I work. When you work from home it is all too easy to continue working long into the night and forgetting the importance of “switching off”. As the saying goes; “You can’t drink from an empty cup”.

Evening
Once work is done for the day, I make time to call and check in on friends, either via text or online video platform. It’s actually been amazing to connect with people so regularly. This is something that ordinarily I don’t have time to do as I am usually rushing around to complete some errand. I feel that during this time of isolation, I have made deeper connections with my friends. Paying closer attention to each other’s emotions and learning so much more about one another.

Sometimes I take this time to learn a little Spanish (been living in Spain 5 years and can only just about order a glass of wine).

Dinner usually takes about an hour to prepare. At least once a week I like trying new recipes found online and “making do” with alternate ingredients from the backs of my cupboards, there have been mixed results. Of course, I’m not Mary Poppin’s, some evenings are spent eating left over’s or getting a food delivery.

Late Evening
By the time dinner is finished it is usually around 8pm and time to sit with the fur babies and watch a series or movie on Netflix.

At around 10.30-11pm I ensure that the house is tidy and dishes are washed, etc. This way before heading to bed I know that tomorrow will start with a clean fresh slate.

 

Everyone’s routine is different, the important thing is to have a routine. If there are days that you really don’t feel like getting out of bed or doing some of the things on your list, that’s okay. Let yourself have those days and enjoy them.

Try writing down a daily schedule for yourself, break the day up into segments and make it as detailed as possible. Do your best to stick to your schedule for a week and see how you feel at the end of it.

I do hope that this will have inspired you to KEEP GOING. These strange times will all be over soon and life will return to normal. STAY STRONG.

If you feel you need emotional support or counselling to help you through these unprecedented times. Please, reach out. PineappleSupport.org

Life & Sex-Work Has Led Me To Sobriety by AnnaTame

Ever since I hit the end of my elementary school years I started smoking cigarettes. Very shortly after that, it carried onto marijuana, (which I don’t believe is a bad drug or addiction) and then I was introduced to heavy drugs along the way such as MDMA, LSD, Mushrooms, Cocaine, etc. At the time I was in my early high school days when this happened so I was very unaware of a lot of things about drugs in general compared to now. Although, even at the time I was doing these drugs I didn’t care too much about it because it became an escape for me and a way to have fun with my friends.

Fast-forwarded to years after high school, something very traumatic happened to my health. At the time right before this happened I was still smoking daily A LOT, drinking alcohol and doing quite a bit of psychedelics almost every weekend. I was in college for a short business-related program so the partying was normal, but I was like that even before. Being high all the time became normal to me.

I won’t go into depth about what happened to me, but let’s just say it seriously opened my eyes to how important health is, how unpredictable life is and that taking care of yourself is needed a lot more than we think. It wasn’t even just the drugs though, it was everything. My mental health and the way I was dealing with personal issues for years were not helping me.

I’m not here to tell people how to live their lives, we are free to do what we want and indulge in what we want as well. I’m just here to share my story to hope it’ll be somewhat relatable at least or eye-opening. I can only speak from my own experiences so I know that overdoing it could have dire consequences.

This experience forced me to quit bad habits that were unhealthy for me. I stopped smoking, drinking and doing other drugs altogether. Then once I was feeling a bit better I tried to go back to my same ways and my body was rejecting it. So I made a choice to just stop doing everything. That has lasted years. I haven’t smoked at all or did any of the drugs I listed above since.

However, the drinking was still something I could do in moderation, and started back up again afterward. This lasted up until last year around May. I’d use any excuse to do it. But whenever I used it when I was going through something bad, it never made anything better in the long-term. A bit before this I started seeing a practitioner, going to therapy to better understand my thoughts and kept bettering my diet. So naturally, I just decided it was time to either stop or cut down.

I haven’t had a drink in about 10 months now. If I make it a few more months it’ll be a full year. I have never in my entire life since I was addicted to anything substance wise been sober for that long, ever. Will I drink again? Perhaps. Maybe. I don’t know. But I do know my boundaries now from with myself and what isn’t healthy so if I do decide to I’m hoping it’ll be under control or in moderation. Being honest is important because we’re all human here. All I know is that I have cut down on A LOT over the years on a lot of unhealthy things and that’s something to be proud of.

As “corny” as it may sound, all of those things have highly improved my life, and not only that but entering the adult industry has vastly helped me grow as a person and into my sobriety. I may have stopped using years ago, but when I was coming more into myself sexually, it has made me a better person. I started to tap into doing things I’m good at: connecting with others, making a space that’s non-judgemental to be in for both parties and to just be free. Sex work has given me that and I’m very grateful because of it. Whenever I think of wanting to use again, I think of how far I’ve come and how much better I’m off without it.

Without going through these changes, I wouldn’t have changed my lifestyle and found a job I’m passionate about. I love being a sex worker and being one and remaining under control with my unhealthy addictions is saving my life. I’m here to tell you first-hand that although my traumas led me to tough experience(s), it brought me right here. To becoming a healthier person through sobriety and finding sex work unexpectedly as a healthy way to make a living while expressing myself for who I am.

So to anyone who got this far here, this is only a small glimpse of my life experiences and if you knew every detail you’d know how resilient I am. However, I’m just another person who has gone through trauma and addiction but is still here living my life. More importantly, living it better than I could have ever thought was possible.

Written by AnnaTame
Follow AnnaTame on Twitter @annatame69

My Story by Kena Love, with advice from therapist Nicki Line

I’m one of the many people who follow your tweets on twitter and I just had to write ya a quick email in regards to addiction and sex work for myself. See unfortunately they both go hand in hand. I can’t do dates without being high. And now I get paid to had sex just to support my habit. It wasn’t always that way. At first it was a high in itself to be wanted so badly by men who wanted to pay big $ to fuck me. But when my friends realized what I was doing I began to hate myself a Lil bit more every day. First came opiates but when I take them I can’t get turned on/wet/ or cum at all. That’s when I was introduced to meth. First time I did it I was hooked. I fucked for hours . My orgasms were amazing and all I could think about was getting that next on hit and dick.

Hello Kena,

I agree with you that the sex industry does have a high rate of individuals who struggle with addiction in one form or another. Let me start my response by defining addiction as I understand it. Addiction is an obsessive compulsive out of control behavior done in spite of negative consequences for self or others. Under this definition any behavior can be an addiction whether it is sex, shopping, food, or substances. While reading your email the stages of addiction and the cycle it can keep a person in comes to mind: initial use, abuse, increased use, dependency, and relapse. You describe “at first is a high … to be wanted so badly by men” which started the process of looking for an outside person or thing to regulate an internal issue. It felt good and distracted from other feelings in the initial stage. Then you started to have an internal conflict of your work and self-worth, to numb those feelings you started taking opiates and the opiates numb feeling as well as your body. Continuing to search for an external cure you tried meth which gives you a feeling of euphoria and increases sexual desire which switched your reward center in your brain into overdrive. This is where you need to increase your use to get the high or reward you felt the first time; which will never happen because you have already experienced it once. Now you are used to the combination of work and meth and you are dependent on them to function “normally.” I imagine it is hard to working without the meth and when or if you try you crave the substance which leads someone to relapse. You are correct in that it is a cycle and it is a cycle anyone can break if they learn and use new tools in recovery. Recovery is not easy and requires a person to develop new coping skills to use instead of the obsessive compulsive behavior. I will go into more detail about all of the topics I have touched on above in the Pineapple support group on Sundays. I hope you keep fighting for yourself.

Sincerely,
Nicki Line LMHC CST

Acknowledging my Addiction – by Rogan Damiana

Addiction has affected me in some way my entire life. Starting with family members who had problems with addiction to my own issues with substance control in my adult life. I didn’t used to think I had a problem. Drinking was a massive part of my social interaction. Alcohol allowed me to be “fun”. At least that is what I told myself. I didn’t drink during the day; I wasn’t missing work or life events. I just partied hard when I did socialize until the partying turned into an every evening event.

I would immediately start drinking most nights when I got home from work and continue until I could no longer stay awake. Binge drinking was something I had heard of but was not associating with myself.

This destructive path of using binge drinking to cope with my complete unhappiness with my life finally culminated in a very nearly successful suicide attempt in April 2018. I had decided I was done trying and overdosed on my anxiety meds plus a gross amount of alcohol. I will never forget the jarring feeling I had waking up in the ICU, then reading my discharge papers detailing my overdose. It was in that moment I knew I had to change my destructive behavior.

The sense of comfort alcohol provided was false. It was wrecking my body physically and causing more stress mentally than it was relieving. I had allowed alcohol to bring out the worst of myself, hurting the people around me who loved me. The amount of money I wasted on numbing myself is staggering. I can think of so many more meaningful ways I could have used that money. Getting unstuck from negative thought patterns like that has helped me to move forward.

Staying sober from alcohol has not been easy but forgiving myself for the mistakes I made helps with the process. We can not change the past. I can’t take back the hateful words I used or actions I took out of anger with myself. The effects of my actions will always be.

For me recovery is changing the way I live. Through therapy and my small circle of support, I work consistently to change my thinking. The biggest challenge I have faced in this process is liking myself. Redirecting my perspective to acknowledge the positive aspects of my life and accomplishments helps combat the negative self-talk. When I start to get overwhelmed, I remind myself that I am doing everything possible to fix my life and that change takes time. There is already a noticeable difference in how I handle adverse situations that come up. Instead of immediately intoxicating myself to avoid dealing with the negative, I think through what actions I can take to make things better.

My social life has changed considerably since stopping my alcohol use and I have learned to be ok with that. Watching people I used to spend a lot of time with drift away has been hard. I hold no bad feelings towards this, relationships shift and change all the time. While being around others who are drinking is not a trigger for me, I have found I do not enjoy those environments anymore. I don’t hold that in common with those people that were in my life previously.

I also found that I had to strengthen my confidence in letting people know I do not drink. While to me it isn’t an issue that I don’t drink, I have received a variety of reactions when telling others. When I started this journey I would feel uncomfortable turning down a drink when offered because of the follow up questions that frequently followed. The well meaning “oh, one drink won’t hurt”, “but you’re so fun when you drink”, and my least favorite to deal with the misguided pity responses. In my ideal world just saying no would be enough. When pressed I generally reply with “Alcohol and I do not agree anymore” and leave it at that. I still go out; I still like to see live music and art shows. Now I do it without masking my anxiety with alcohol. I take a minute to go outside if the crowd is overwhelming. Also, allowing myself to be ok with

leaving an outing earlier than others helps so much. I enjoy myself and when I’m out of social energy it is time to go home. Putting my health and well being first felt weird in the beginning, but soon became a habit I don’t even notice anymore.

Addiction looks and feels different for all of us. It is a very personal issue to deal with. I hope sharing my story and how I handle this continuing journey will bring some hope. It is possible to survive after addiction and while it isn’t always easy, keep going. There will still be days that suck and challenge you. Every small change you make to create a better life for yourself will pay off. The proof I have to offer is myself. I am still here, still breathing, still trying, and succeeding. I hope this gives you the energy to try too.

If you would like to contribute to addiction month, please submit your article or video to contact@pineapplesupport.org

Submissions can remain anonymous.

My Abuser Was So Charming, No One Believed He Raped Me

My life consists of helping others, reading dystopian fiction, activism, writing poetry and crafting. Most of these activities have assisted me in coping and healing from the rape I survived when I was 16 years old.

My partner at the time was 20 years old, maniacal and abusive. He was exceptionally talented at lying and cheating. He would monitor my eating by clocking how long it would take, and if I did not hurry, there were extreme consequences.

He cheated on me with five women, and as he told me, he laughed.

In the car, during his giddy story of deceit, I grabbed a sharp item from his glove compartment and began slashing at my wrists. This would not be the last time I self-harmed.

Finally, physical and emotional manipulation and abuse would not suffice. He raped me in his locked room, with his parents just around the corner, so forcefully that the bed looked like a murder scene.

Cheerily, he took the sheets off, put them in the washer and said, “Ha, I sure hope that stain comes out!”

My abuser was extremely charismatic. He is a nurse. When you think of a nurse, I would assume most individuals think of someone warm, welcoming, smiling and compassionate. On the surface, he is all that and more, but it is a finely tuned façade.

The first time I met him, I was dating his best friend. We were all at a mechanic together, waiting for my current boyfriend’s car to be fixed.

He sat down next to me and attempted to get to know me. He was highly flirtatious and said all the right things, things I had never heard before. He told me he could feel the endorphins in the room. I lit up the room with my energy and beauty.

Compelling, poetic words.

I did not feel creeped out by this, surprisingly. He has an energy that makes you feel under the influence, but mostly as if you are buzzed. It is like slipping into a warm, glowing place.

From my description, this sounds exactly like what you might like to feel with someone, anyone. I promise you, you do not. He had this effect on everyone he met.

However, behind closed doors, he was the most manipulative person I have ever witnessed.

He had a sharp grin like a fox. He would smile and dote on me as he delivered the most horrendous backhanded compliments and emotional abuse.

He would look me straight in the eye and tell me he could not take me to the homecoming dance due to lack of funds while showing me his new keyboard, mouse and computer.

It is still hard for me to look at the local park where he hit me, degraded me and brutalized me.

He was an excellent liar. Remarkably so. No matter what pain he delivered, you were spellbound into believing you deserved it and this is how it must be.

He made me feel like he knew what was best for me in the end and was only doing what he did to “make me a better person.”

When I would share this with others, they thought I was nuts. “He is such a perfect guy. He is older, well-established and so friendly… what you are telling me is bullshit,” they’d say.

Little did they know, he checked off all the marks for those likely to be abusive.

I believe my friends reacted the way they did because all of us really had no education on consent, boundaries or abuse. I found out later some of these friends had experienced their own abuse and attempted to curb their feelings by shutting me down.

The biggest reason I was misunderstood and rejected was because my abuser was so full of charisma.

I always tell people, to this day, “You would love being around him. He could even trick you despite your psychological knowledge. He slips past your radar.”

From that brutal event, I suffered from PTSD, which is marked by night terrors, hyper-vigilance, increased stress response, reliving the trauma and avoidance.

From the age of 16 to 17, I abused pills to a degree, had a scathing attitude and was fueled by hatred.

In school, teachers knew something was wrong, but did not try to interfere. I could not have gotten through high school without their willingness to stay their distance.

Because of the uncomfortable fear I felt when I thought about telling my parents what happened, I only told a few friends of mine. This was the right decision for me at the time, but I still wish I had told them at the time it happened because I never got any soothing or healing from my friends, and my traumatic memory seems to be permanently stored in my amygdala.

But at the age of 20, in an act of desperation, I blurted out to my parents what had happened to me. Everything came to a screeching halt. My parents could not simply process what it was I was saying to them.

Their first response was to feel guilty for being the people who brought me to my then-boyfriend’s home. They thought it was their fault for “facilitating the assault.”

I assured them this was not true, but they continued to harp on their wounds: “Why didn’t you tell us earlier?” “Why didn’t you report this?” “Why did I drive you there every week?”

This barrage of guilt-inducing questions made me sick. However, I empathized as best as I could. Hearing what had happened to me so much later likely left them feeling disheartened and powerless to fight back against my rapist.

All of this hurt me.

Over time, they have begun to realize the focus should have been on me, as I had already moved past those terrifying inquiries. Now, they have fostered respect and healing toward my experiences.

Although they are still mystified about it, they try to understand the effects of it by letting me speak my mind and have a healthy amount of space.

Because I never got to openly discuss my trauma until years later, my memory of it is generally fuzzy and I feel like that has caused a stunt of my growth and healing.

My thought patterns and behavior were poor and negative. I tried to control others and hurt them with my words and actions, thinking that I would somehow feel better by doing this.

However, all I can do is move forward with the memory and coping skills I have. Through this, I realized it was time to change and devote myself to protecting and helping survivors.

Now, I am in my second semester in a master’s program for mental health counseling, I am an advocate for survivors and victims, and I constantly champion for social justice.

The rape at 16, and a succedent rape, as well as numerous experiences with sexual assault, sexual harassment and catcalling, have led me to the point where I am today.

Six years later, I am now able to succeed in my field, help others properly, cope healthily, go to counseling and express my feelings and my story without being afraid.

My partner now is wonderful, compassionate, full of love and understanding. I am able to share my story, experience safety and feel comfortable. He listens to me always, about my concerns and my fears.

He is familiar with the symptoms of PTSD, so he never startles me with knocking on my front door or ringing the doorbell. Instead, he sends a text.

He looks at the parent’s guide for movies and television to screen for things like sexual content, vulgar language, violence, misogyny and transphobia.

He makes things for me that soothe me, like a little box that holds kind words of love and how he feels about me. It is to be used when I feel worthless or depressed.

To transition from a victim to a survivor, others need to provide you with time, space, sympathy, active listening, understanding, involvement in your story and the repercussions and, most importantly, nonjudgmental love.

Rachael W

Bea’s Story

I’m known across the Internet as Bea Dux or HoneyBea depending on where you look. I’m originally from Lancashire but now live and mostly work in London. I began working in the sex industry as a retail worker for Ann Summers, then began modelling and have since done cam work, worked for websites such as MyFansPage and SuicideGirls and now also work a lot as a photographer/videographer for other sex workers.

I began to get involved in Sex Work activism after the FOSTA/SESTA bills went through in America. Seeing the ignorance (wilful or otherwise) surrounding the subject of sex workers and sw safety made me want to DO something. I uploaded few (admittedly shoddy) videos to youtube hoping to educate, I began openly and regularly using my social platforms (@itsBeaDux) to speak on the issues and decided to create some form of clothing that people could wear to show their support to sex work and the workers within the industry.

Originally TheSafewordProject was an idea I had a few years ago. It was going to be a website filled with information, recourses and contacts to help sex workers, I got a quote from a few web developers and started saving up. Not long afterwards, I found you guys! Pineapple Support was doing pretty much everything I wanted to do, from providing mental health support as well as tons of other recourses for workers. I figured, rather than having several separate sites, we stand a better chance of helping as many people as possible if we all work together. It made far much more sense to send you all the support I possibly could.

So, the store ’TheSafewordProject.com’ is currently owned and run by myself, and the packaging and posting is currently done by me and my lovely mum (I travel a lot with work and she offered to be a stable base for all of the stock. Bless her). ALL money made from the store is put right back into it, as well as having stickers printed (that you can usually spot around London/Birmingham/Manchester) and business cards with the message ‘Someone you know is a sex worker’ on them, left at a ton of small shops, bars and cafes etc. Together, me and my mum have managed to send out LOADS of orders and it’s been wonderful!

Recently, a protest organised by my dear friend Rebecca Crow happened outside instagram offices in London (which went brilliantly!) and it seemed wanted to wear their own Safeword merch! Because of that boost in sales, a lot of money has gone right back into making more clothing and stocking up on original designs; so if anyone fancies treating themselves, and supporting Pineapple Support in the process, get yourself something from the store!

The money Safeword has accumulated is slowly ticking over and I thought I’d send over a donation to Pineapple now as I couldn’t wait anymore! Hopefully there will be a lot more to come in the future.

Thank you for all the work you do. Proud to support.

Bea Dux
@itsBeaDux

Brandon’s Story

When I was 12 years old, my mother committed suicide. She was the 3rd family member in my life to do so. At that time the feeling of loneliness and fear were overwhelming. What I wouldn’t have given to have someone there, someone to listen and provide hope. This is one of the many reason I decided to become a listener with Pineapple Support. You may not know this now, but a small fraction of your time, simply listening could change a person’s life, it could bring the promise of a tomorrow that otherwise may never have come for them.

Giving back to my adult community and industry is just a small gift I can give to help others find mental health support and outlets in a sometimes all to lonely business.

I would ask anyone with a caring heart to please consider giving this amazing opportunity a chance. You can’t imagine the feeling of love and connection until you’ve walked with someone truly struggling, when you stop talking and start listening you see and hear things in a different light. Helping others has HELPED me more than I could have known. I’ve worked on so many personal issues and have grown so much through my work with Pineapple Support. You can make all the difference in OUR world too.

Pineapple support training is straightforward and direct. You will receive hands on training through our app it allows you to learn and practice the techniques you learn along the way as you collect your badges and advance in steps to become a Pineapple Listener. Sometimes the greatest gifts in life are not the ones we receive but the ones we give. Give hope a chance, be the light in someone’s world, let love shine above all else.

Be a listener in a world full of noise.

Becoming Aware Of Suicide

As September draws to a close I thought it only right to speak about my becoming aware of suicide and all that I have learned since starting my journey with Pineapple Support back in January 2018.

Suicide awareness… I used to think this was a ridiculous statement… everyone is aware that suicide exists. But now, after everything I have learned over the past 9 months I understand that suicide awareness is not about being aware of the existence of suicide, it is about being aware of why it happens and being aware of what people go through, not just those willing to take their own life, but also those who are left behind.

“A selfish act”, I hang my head in shame when I admit to you now that this was my attitude. “How could someone do this to their family?” “Do they not think about all the people that they are leaving behind?”.
Yes, when a person is at a point in their life where they feel that death is their only escape, they most likely are thinking of themselves, or they could be thinking that the world would be better off without them. Either way they are not thinking logically about the devastation and broken hearts left behind. They are in an introspective world where the dark voices in their heads are the only ones they can hear. The feeling of anger at those who chose to leave us is a perfectly natural emotion, a part of the healing process and not one that should be brushed aside.

So many people have reached out to me personally to tell me their stories and I feel incredibly privileged that they have all been so open and candid when sharing their experiences. Opening up about not only the combination of emotions felt but also the legal and financial implications. It has been an education and one that I am extremely appreciative of.

It was in responses to the shocking number of suicides in the adult industry last year and the beginning of this year that Pineapple Support was launched. I hope with all my heart that with this education and the continued support of those inside and outside of the industry, we are able to offer guidance, therapy and hope to all those effected by such tragic experiences.

Love and Pineapples,
Leya Tanit

Our safeword.. Pineapple. Your safeword …CHRISTINA!

Hello Everyone,

As you know there have been a string of suicides again this past week. Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain, and in our business.. Dave Slick. It sickens me and saddens me that so many think there is no hope and no one to turn to. I will admit I have had my lows, just like everyone else. But I have always had the strength to pull myself up and go on. Life is like a rollercoaster, without the lows and the unfortunate times you get turned upside down and lose what’s in your pockets.. you wouldn’t appreciate the highs and the wind blowing through your hair as you soar through the sky. I’m not sure if I’d really appreciate how lucky I am to be be alive if I had’t fought for my life back in 2006 like I did, and the long road back. That’s why I dedicate a good amount of time to help people that can not help themselves, to give the them some of my strength for just a moment. In my industry the there are more suicides and depression then ever before. There are a dozens of reasons why. But in our industry It always comes back to a soul trying to find a better place in this world, trying to feel good about themselves and make money. A lot of young people today turn to porn when they feel the rest of the world is shit, want to feel glamorous, and be a star. Unfortunately, 1000’s of others are doing the same. Sadly, with all the piracy none of us make enough money anymore to keep hiring the way we used to.  So the cycle continues as they search and search until they sadly enough can take no more. If you have not heard yet we have created a new support system for our industry talent.

Let me tell you a little bit about it before we move on to the fun stuff of the day:

OUR MISSION

We at Pineapple will provide 24/7 support for all industry performers. There will be no discrimination, judgment or stigma.

We will provide free and subsidized therapy, ensuring that every member of the Pineapple family is cared for should they need it.

We will create a safe, caring environment that every performer will be proud to be a part of.

We will alleviate the isolation felt by many performers by supporting each other, so that no one need ever feel lonely.

We shall promote mindfulness and positivity, being proactive in caring for our mental health.

We will spread happiness, we will be the change.

HOW CAN PINEAPPLE ACCOMPLISH ALL OF THIS?

With determination, elbow grease and a lot of support from you lovely lot.

Pineapple Support is a registered charity recognized in both the UK and the USA (pending approval), which means helping us can also help you. So please support our mission so we can carry on supporting you and the performers you love so much.

Everyone looks better with a smile.

Now that you know what it is, please be sure to send any performer that you see is having a rough time our way, or come to us and we will go help them. I am a trained listener on Pineapple as well a Director and Trustee. We are a charity, therefore, we do need donations to keep this going and to help as many performers as we can.

Too Strong To Be Weak

I like to consider myself a strong woman, I know myself, I love myself and I never pretend to be a person that I am not.

So why did I allow myself to be emotionally bullied to a point where I turned my back on a career that makes me happy?

Admittedly when I met this man I was in a delicate state, lonely and bored. Bored is always a dangerous one! He seemed so lovely, exciting, caring and the rock I so needed to lean against. He was aware from day one of what I did as a career and was supportive and apparently intrigued by it. Then everything changed, he fell in love, apparently, I don’t think a narcissist can know what love truly is. That is what he was, a narcissist, in the purest form. The only way he took pleasure was in putting me down, draining any ounce of positive energy I had. He would talk about my job and my friends as if they were tarnished, he would shout and scream at me if I so much as mentioned anything to do with the fetish industry, fuck, I couldn’t even put my hair in victory rolls without a bitter remark. In the end it just became easier not to talk or do anything that was remotely related, this included going to events and seeing my friends.

Of course once this was removed from the relationship he soon found other reasons to shout at me and put me down, and I put up with it. Why? For two years. Why?

Eventually I sorted myself out and kicked him out of my house, but it still confuses the shit out of me. How could I allow someone to make me feel this way? I know I will not do it again. Life is too short and too precious.