Posts

Addiction & Recovery – Boundaries

Tips and coping strategies from week 2 of the Addiction Recovery workshop with therapist Nicki Line.

Quarantine

If you are having to stay home during this time, the isolation and idleness can be a trigger for mental health problems.  Here are some ideas of emotion focused coping activities you can engage in during this time if you find yourself triggered to engage in an unhealthy coping mechanism, or simply with some time to fill:

  1. Exercise
  2. Write in a journal
  3. Draw
  4. Listen to music
  5. Take a bath
  6. Play with a pet
  7. Spend time in nature (with social distancing!)
  8. Clean the house (or a closet, drawer, or area)
  9. Read a book
  10. Meditate
  11. Use aromatherapy
  12. Facetime a friend
  13.  Cook a meal
  14. Engage in spiritual exercises
  15. Practice breathing exercises
  16. List the things you feel grateful for
  17. Color
  18. Garden
  19. Do yoga
  20. Use progressive muscle relaxation
  21. Give yourself a pep talk
  22. Watch a movie series
  23. Invent a new game
  24. Look at pictures that remind you of the people, places, and things that bring you joy
  25. Take care of your body in a way that makes you feel good (paint your nails, do your hair, put on a face mask)
  26. Use a relaxation app such as Calm
  27. Go for a walk
  28. Use Netflix’s social feature to watch a movie with friends
  29. List your goals for the next month, the next six months, the next year
  30. Call the people you are grateful for and tell them why
  31. Learn a new skill via youtube

 

Resiliency & Coping strategies

Coping skills can lead to resiliency. Coping skills allow us to successfully get through tough or challenging experiences. Each time we have a bad experience, and we successfully get through it unharmed, we learn that we have the ability to face the challenge. Having this happen repeatedly builds resiliency and trust in ourselves. When we confront our triggers, with the help of coping skills rather than avoiding them, we build resiliency as well.

Here is a great resource for building new healthy coping skills:

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/coping-skills-addictions.pdf

 

Here are some resources about resiliency:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/talking-about-men/201802/three-simple-ways-enhance-mental-health-resilience

https://positivepsychology.com/resilience-activities-exercises/

 

Importance of boundaries

Boundaries are SO important in our lives. They set the stage for healthy relationships of all sorts, including healthy relationships with ourselves. Setting boundaries and maintaining them can be a difficult task so here are some resources on setting and maintaining boundaries in our lives! Remember, setting boundaries and doing what you need to maintain them is not rude or selfish. You are teaching people that you respect yourself, and simply asking them to do the same.

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/healthy-boundaries-tips.pdf

https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/setting-boundaries.pdf

 

Locus of Control

External locus of control= People with an external locus of control generally believe that their lives are controlled by outside forces, for example luck, fate, the actions of others, etc. They feel little sense of empowerment to make changes in their lives.

Internal locus of control= People with an internal locus of control feel that they can guide and direct their lives, and feel empowered to make positive changes.

Here are some blogs/  resources about cultivating an internal locus of control:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/cultivating-an-internal-locus-of-control-and-why-its-crucial/

https://www.verywellmind.com/develop-an-internal-locus-of-control-3144943

 

Social Media

We live in a social media driven world, and many of us depend on social media for work. So cutting out social media may not be feasible for all of us. However, what we can do is be more intentional about the way we use social media. This can be another example of setting boundaries. Each of us has the ability to decide and control what types of media we allow into our personal space. We can block, unfollow and mute any media that isn’t serving a positive purpose in our lives via informing us in a factual relevant way, inspiring us or motivating us. We can follow more people that inspire us, build our self esteem, motivate us, make us laugh, and give us some relief from every day life. Try to limit your social media exposure in general, and with the time you do spend on social media, make decisions about what type of media you want to influence your life. If a certain person or page consistently evoked negative emotions in you, take note! Maybe it’s time for an unfollow. This isn’t rude or unfriendly, it’s a form of self respect and asserting your right to control the things that influence you. Set those boundaries!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Links shared in the group:

https://recoverydharma.org/

https://instagram.com/clementinemorrigan?igshid=crmn7r98dotf

https://reason.com/2020/03/18/the-earn-it-act-is-the-new-fosta/

 

Why am I doing this, it’s driving me crazy!

Jasmine was adopted into a family that she stated treated her well and loved her like their own. She said that nothing bad had happened to her as a child.  Her family always stood by her and treated her with patience and respect, but sometimes she felt like she was a burden to them. She spent a lot of time with her family growing up when her adopted siblings would be out with their friends she would be at home.

She began dating as a teen and found that she would put her boyfriends on a pedestal, holding onto every word they said, writing them letters, making them mixtapes, wanting to talk on the phone all the time. Deep down she worried that she was not good enough for them and would start to be mean to them. “I guess I wanted them to prove that they really liked me.” If they responded in kind she would break up with them and then she would be miserable. “They said I was smothering them. Even my friends would sometimes say that I was too intense or needy.”

“It felt like my world came crashing down with every breakup. I didn’t know why I was doing the things I did. I just knew I was miserable. After that if anyone would show the slightest interest in me I threw myself at them.” She used to date “nice boys,” but they started to shun her so she moved on to a different crowd.

“I got in with the wild kids. The kids that would drink during school and do drugs. It was bad.” When she was in college she passed out at a frat party and was assaulted. “After that I really started to feel like I was no good and life was dangerous, like there was no one I could trust.”

Jasmine managed to stay in school and complete her degree, but she stayed to herself. If she wasn’t in class or working she stayed in her room. “I felt I couldn’t control anything outside of my room and leaving it caused me to have panic attacks.”

Jasmine came to me when she was in her late 20s and she hadn’t dated for almost ten years and she was lonely. She knew that she needed to work on her need for control and to open herself up to other people again. She was scared and feared that she would go back to old patterns.  It took some time for her to feel that she could trust me.

Through our work together Jasmine realized that she had low self-esteem as she could not accept that her birth parents did not want her.  We discussed how she expected people to leave her like her biological parents did and how she often left them before they could leave her. “Thank God I had the stability of my real parents to show me that not everyone would reject me.”

Jasmine began using affirmations to get the negative thoughts out of her head that made her believe people would leave her because there was something wrong with her. It took some time, but today Jennifer reports that she has the friendships that she wants and is dating. “My boundaries have improved as my self-esteem has improved and I don’t feel hurt like I used to.  I know that there are people who love me and I feel good loving them back. I don’t think that I have to make people like me anymore. Oh yeah, and the panic attacks have stopped.”

Not everyone responds as quickly to therapy as Jasmine did, she was very motivated to begin what she called, “My new life.” She worked hard and the progress she saw motivated her to keep going. In what area/s of your life would you like to see some change?  Call me and let’s get started on it!