Too Strong To Be Weak
I like to consider myself a strong woman, I know myself, I love myself and I never pretend to be a person that I am not.
So why did I allow myself to be emotionally bullied to a point where I turned my back on a career that makes me happy?
Admittedly when I met this man I was in a delicate state, lonely and bored. Bored is always a dangerous one! He seemed so lovely, exciting, caring and the rock I so needed to lean against. He was aware from day one of what I did as a career and was supportive and apparently intrigued by it. Then everything changed, he fell in love, apparently, I don’t think a narcissist can know what love truly is. That is what he was, a narcissist, in the purest form. The only way he took pleasure was in putting me down, draining any ounce of positive energy I had. He would talk about my job and my friends as if they were tarnished, he would shout and scream at me if I so much as mentioned anything to do with the fetish industry, fuck, I couldn’t even put my hair in victory rolls without a bitter remark. In the end it just became easier not to talk or do anything that was remotely related, this included going to events and seeing my friends.
Of course once this was removed from the relationship he soon found other reasons to shout at me and put me down, and I put up with it. Why? For two years. Why?
Eventually I sorted myself out and kicked him out of my house, but it still confuses the shit out of me. How could I allow someone to make me feel this way? I know I will not do it again. Life is too short and too precious.