Self-Love, Resilience, and Being True to Who You Are (Even When It’s Really Hard)
Some days I’m neck-deep in the work of Gabor Maté. Other days, I’m crawling back to Brené Brown like the emotionally-exhausted, purpose-driven nonprofit CEO that I am.
Today is a Brené day.
There’s one quote of hers that I return to whenever the noise gets louder than the purpose — when the criticism, assumptions, and unsolicited opinions start to feel heavier than the mission:
“If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, I am not interested in or open to your feedback… There are a million cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never be brave with their own lives, but will spend every ounce of energy they have hurling advice and judgement at those of us trying to dare greatly.”
Working in and advocating for the adult industry means that judgment is never far away. People form opinions quickly — about creators, about the industry, about the work we do at Pineapple Support — often without any real understanding. And yet, despite all the noise, we keep showing up.
When I founded Pineapple Support, plenty of people told me it wouldn’t work.
Too controversial.
Too ambitious.
Too difficult to fund.
But the people who really knew me didn’t hesitate. They understood that passion, purpose, and persistence can move mountains — and that the need for this work was bigger than the stigma surrounding it.
Brené talks about writing down the names of people whose opinions truly matter on a one-inch square of paper. That small square is a reminder of something powerful: most people are not qualified to give feedback on your life. If they’re not in the arena with you, fighting, failing, learning, and trying again, their opinions don’t deserve space in your mind.
I come back to that lesson often. Especially on the days when we are doing everything we can — and it still doesn’t feel like enough. When we cannot make everyone happy. When the weight of public perception clashes with the reality of running a mission-led organization.
What I’ve learned is this:
Self-love is more than self-care.
It’s being authentic even when it’s inconvenient.
It’s standing by your values when you’re misunderstood.
It’s choosing softness in a world that rewards hardness.
And it’s deciding whose voices get to come in — and whose stay outside.
To anyone building something meaningful, challenging stigma, or simply trying to live in alignment with who they are: keep going. Not everyone will understand your path, and that’s okay. Impact doesn’t always look like applause. Sometimes it looks like quiet, steady work behind the scenes that slowly changes lives, minds, and systems.
I love what I do. I love who I do it for. And I am proud — deeply proud — of the work Pineapple Support is doing to transform how our industry understands mental health, community, and care.
Let’s keep showing up for each other.
And just as importantly, let’s keep showing up for ourselves.
(Photograph from the day Pineapple Support launched at EXXXOTICA Denver.)
With love,
Leya
