Justification vs. Understanding: A Mental Health Perspective on Self-Work

When we start doing the work to improve our mental health, whether that’s through therapy, self-reflection, support groups, or just trying to be better humans, there’s a trap many of us fall into: justifying our behavior instead of understanding it.

At first glance, they can look similar. Both involve looking at our past and examining why we act or feel the way we do. But one leads to growth. The other keeps us stuck.

What’s the difference?

  • Justification says: “I behave this way because this happened to me, and that’s just how I am.”
  • Understanding says: “This is where the behavior comes from, but now that I see it clearly, I have the power to change.”

Justification is passive. It can become a shield we hold up when we’re not ready to face the hard work of healing. It’s rooted in survival and defensiveness. Understanding, on the other hand, is active. It opens the door to self-compassion and accountability. It says, “Yes, this hurt me, but I don’t want to keep hurting myself or others because of it.”

Why does this matter in mental health?
Because healing isn’t just about knowing why we are the way we are. It’s about what we do with that knowledge.

  • We can recognize that anxiety, trauma, or rejection shaped our reactions—but still challenge ourselves to respond in healthier ways.
  • We can see how pain informed our coping mechanisms, without excusing harmful behavior or getting stuck in victimhood.
  • We can validate our emotions, while also taking responsibility for our actions.

Mental health work is not about blaming ourselves, nor is it about blaming others forever. It’s about taking ownership of our healing journey. That means asking: “Am I using my past as a reason to stay the same, or as a reason to grow?”

From awareness to action
Understanding doesn’t mean we get it right every time. Growth is messy. It’s okay to struggle. But when we move from justification to understanding, we unlock our ability to make new choices. We become more emotionally available, more compassionate, and more capable of living lives that align with who we want to be, not just who we’ve had to be.

So next time you catch yourself saying, “That’s just how I am,” take a breath. Ask yourself, “Is this helping me grow, or is it keeping me stuck?” You deserve the kind of healing that leads to freedom, not just familiar pain.

Pineapple Support To Host Morning Yoga Sessions at GRABBYS Europe

Pineapple Support, the adult industry’s leading mental health nonprofit, will host daily morning yoga sessions during the Grabbys Europe event in Torremolinos, April 24th–28th. These sessions, led by Pineapple therapist Michele Karban, are designed to help attendees reset and recharge amidst the buzz of the show.

The “Pineapple Support Yoga Morning” sessions will take place on Friday, April 25 and Saturday, April 26 at 11am, by the pool at the Rendez-vous Lounge, next to the hotel stage. Each 45-minute class offers a calming space for grounding and gentle movement, ideal for all experience levels. Attendees are encouraged to join before breakfast to stretch, breathe, and reconnect in a safe, welcoming environment.

“At fast-paced events like this, taking a moment for yourself is essential,” says Pineapple Support founder and CEO, Leya Tanit. “Our morning yoga sessions provide a gentle, supportive space where attendees can start the day feeling more balanced, relaxed, and ready to engage.”

Pineapple Support was founded by British performer Leya Tanit in 2018, after a string of losses in the adult industry from depression and other mental illnesses. The organization, a qualified 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization in the United States, has connected over 14,000 adult performers to mental health services, including free and low-cost therapy, counseling, and emotional support.

For more information about Grabbys Europe and to view the full event schedule, please visit grabbyseurope.com. To learn more about Pineapple Support, including sponsorship and ways to get involved, visit pineapplesupport.org.

What Autism Means To Me

There’s been a lot of attention on autism through social media recently, and it’s become somewhat of a buzzword. To some extent, this is positive—it breaks some of the stigma surrounding the spectrum and raises awareness. But it’s also led to a wave of people self-diagnosing (nothing wrong with that, as long as it’s not a misdiagnosis or used as an excuse for poor behavior). However, the overuse of labels can sometimes be harmful.

Discovering you’re on the spectrum (ADHD and Autism) in your early 40’s is, to put it bluntly, really f-ing odd.
When my therapist first suggested it, my immediate reaction was, “Absolutely not, I’m an empath, what a ridiculous thing to suggest.” Then I spoke with some therapist friends of mine, and one by one, they all agreed—some even said they’d known since they met me (for over 10 years). News like this is not easy to digest, and it had my head spinning like a tumble dryer for many days. Once the dust had settled and I could finally process the information, I started talking to my friends. It turns out, like attracts like—over 90% of my close circle of friends are also on the spectrum. Hurrah, we move in packs! Vibe with your tribe!

Since my diagnosis, there have been many “aha” moments. Suddenly, it all made sense—why certain social situations are so difficult for me to navigate. It explains why I gravitate towards facts, my overwhelming desire to do people please, often to my detriment, and why it takes me a second to read between the lines (flirting? Never been my thing). Let’s talk about sensory overload—specifically loud noises. I always thought I didn’t like being around children because, well… children. Turns out, I actually have a good reason to steer clear of them now!
It’s also helped me understand how I like to support my friends: I’m absolutely terrible at comforting anyone who’s crying (I want to give them a pat on the back and hide in another room until they’re done), but I do want to use my pragmatism to fix, help, and support. Looking back, this is probably why I started Pineapple. People I loved were hurting—people who deserved care were uncared for—and this is how I knew to “fix” it.

Being on the spectrum didn’t just give me the drive to start Pineapple; it gave me the problem-solving skills to create a structure that would work and scale. It’s why I can approach things from a different angle and build systems that support people effectively.

There’s an interesting intersection between social justice and autism, with the two being highly intertwined, as many autistic individuals possess a strong sense of justice and may become distressed by injustice, advocating for change and challenging perceived unfairness. However, autistic people also face unique challenges and discrimination, requiring social justice efforts to ensure their rights and needs are met. What is strange to me is that this desire for social justice is seen as a “symptom of a disability”, and the sad reflection this gives of society today.

Throughout my childhood, I was called weird, felt excluded, and always knew I was different. As an adult, I’ve learned to harness these idiosyncrasies and thrive because of them. Being different, unique, that’s our superpower. Not just for those on the spectrum, but for every single one of us. Embracing our quirks and accepting our weird, wonderful selves is the biggest step we can take toward happiness. For those of you who feel like you don’t belong, like everyone else is speaking a different language, know that you aren’t alone. The world is full of people who are just like you, waiting for the space to be themselves. Accepting others without judgment and pushing ourselves to question bias is how we create a more inclusive, understanding, and united world. Together, we can make the world a place where we all belong.

Why Fit In When You Were Born to Stand Out? – Dr. Seuss