Justification vs. Understanding: A Mental Health Perspective on Self-Work

When we start doing the work to improve our mental health, whether that’s through therapy, self-reflection, support groups, or just trying to be better humans, there’s a trap many of us fall into: justifying our behavior instead of understanding it.

At first glance, they can look similar. Both involve looking at our past and examining why we act or feel the way we do. But one leads to growth. The other keeps us stuck.

What’s the difference?

• Justification says: “I behave this way because this happened to me, and that’s just how I am.”
• Understanding says: “This is where the behavior comes from, but now that I see it clearly, I have the power to change.”

Justification is passive. It can become a shield we hold up when we’re not ready to face the hard work of healing. It’s rooted in survival and defensiveness. Understanding, on the other hand, is active. It opens the door to self-compassion and accountability. It says, “Yes, this hurt me, but I don’t want to keep hurting myself or others because of it.”

Why does this matter in mental health?
Because healing isn’t just about knowing why we are the way we are. It’s about what we do with that knowledge.

• We can recognize that anxiety, trauma, or rejection shaped our reactions—but still challenge ourselves to respond in healthier ways.
• We can see how pain informed our coping mechanisms, without excusing harmful behavior or getting stuck in victimhood.
• We can validate our emotions, while also taking responsibility for our actions.

Mental health work is not about blaming ourselves, nor is it about blaming others forever. It’s about taking ownership of our healing journey. That means asking: “Am I using my past as a reason to stay the same, or as a reason to grow?”

From awareness to action
Understanding doesn’t mean we get it right every time. Growth is messy. It’s okay to struggle. But when we move from justification to understanding, we unlock our ability to make new choices. We become more emotionally available, more compassionate, and more capable of living lives that align with who we want to be, not just who we’ve had to be.

So next time you catch yourself saying, “That’s just how I am,” take a breath. Ask yourself, “Is this helping me grow, or is it keeping me stuck?” You deserve the kind of healing that leads to freedom, not just familiar pain.