A Guide to Deepening Intimacy in Your Relationship

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If you’re a content creator in the adult industry, you know that authenticity and connection are key to making content that truly resonates. So, let’s explore 10 tips to enhance your personal life and infuse that magic into your intimate relationships.

Understanding Intimacy

Let’s take a moment to define what we mean by ‘intimacy.’ It’s more than just the steamy sex – it’s about building deep emotional connections, embracing vulnerability, and establishing trust. It involves sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences openly, creating a space for authenticity, and fostering a sense of belonging. And the beauty of it? The benefits are incredible – reduced stress, increased happiness, and a more pleasurable connection.

 

  1. Prioritize Daily Emotional Intimacy:
    In the hustle of life, we often forget the power of emotional connection. Setting aside quality time without distractions, having regular date nights, and engaging in relationship check-ins can work wonders. These moments of connection not only strengthen the bond of your personal relationship, it can also fuel the flames of on-screen desire.
  2. Be Vulnerable and Radically Honest:
    Intimacy thrives on openness, and this holds true for both your personal and professional life. Sharing your thoughts, dreams, and struggles – a practice known as personal disclosure – is crucial for building emotional connection.. Creating a two-way street for vulnerability establishes an environment of trust and emotional safety, enhancing connections on and off the screen.
  3. Improve Intimate Communication:
    Talking about sex can actually improve sexual satisfaction. Research has found that couples who openly discuss their desires report higher levels of satisfaction overall. So, start the conversation about what you like, dislike, and what turns you on. It’s a pathway to deeper connection.
  4. Reminisce & Retell Your ‘Love Story’:
    Take a trip down memory lane. Reminisce about how you first met, your favorite adventures, and those funny moments that define your journey. Research shows that couples who positively recollect their relationship stories have stronger and more intimate relationships overall.
  5. Scheduled Sex:
    Scheduling sex might sound unromantic, but think of it as making the important things a priority. By putting it in your calendar, you’re making a commitment to each other. Understanding what activities turn on the sexual spark for both of you can add excitement to scheduled encounters.
  6. Get Better at Conflict Resolution:
    Intimacy isn’t just about the good stuff; it’s also about navigating conflicts in a healthy way. Active listening, emotional intelligence, grounded communication, and knowing when to call an effective ‘timeout’ are essential skills for building trust and safety. The result is scenes, and personal relationships, that captivate and endure.
  7. Exercise or Try Something New:
    Boosting adrenaline through exciting activities can trick your brain into associating the excitement with sexual arousal. So, whether it’s trying a new activity together or hitting the gym, infusing a bit of adventure can spice up your connection.
  8. Share Appreciation:
    Expressing gratitude for the little things your partner does can have a profound impact on your relationship. Research indicates that couples who make a habit of expressing gratitude spend more time together, increasing intimacy and strengthening connection.
  9. Celebrate Each Other’s Success:
    How you respond to your partner’s achievements matters. An active-constructive response, where you show enthusiasm and interest, is associated with greater relationship satisfaction and positive feelings. Celebrate each other’s personal and professional successes, and you might find your intimacy levels soaring.
  10. Increase Physical Touch – Without Expectation:
    Physical touch is a vital aspect of intimacy. Small, no-pressure touches like hugs, kisses, and holding hands in everyday situations release oxytocin, strengthening your relationship and creating an instant connection.

Let’s embark on this journey of deepening intimacy together. Whether it’s for your personal life or your content creation, these tips are your secret to a connection that lasts!

 

We acknowledge that the adult industry and personal relationships can present unique challenges. Past trauma, serious mental health concerns, addiction or substance abuse, or dangerous levels of relationship conflict might require the expertise of a therapist as a first step. Apply for subsidized therapy with Pineapple Support here.

Dating after divorce: are you ready for it?

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Zelena van der Leeden, MC, CDC® and Jake W. Purdy, PMP, CDC® are the Co-founders of Divorce Management, the first multi-lingual divorce coaching firm in North America. Divorce Management operates on a “pay what you can” model offering certified Divorce Coaching and Divorce Transition and Recovery Coaching. Further details can be found on their website.

 

As I sit here today, the father of four in a perfectly imperfect blended family, I am grateful things turned out how they did. Mistakes were made along the way, but we also did things that enabled us to create a happy space for our new family.

After a marriage you might be itching to get back out there, find someone that gets your juices going and latch on for the ride. Years of self-neglect, needs not being met and a loveless relationship make jumping into something new tempting, but there are risks with that. Starting a relationship might even turn a respectful/amicable separation into a high-conflict nightmare. If you are exploring relationships or already in one, this article might help you avoid some of the pain we experienced and stories we hear from clients.

Illustration by Alisa Zahoruiko via iStock

Many of our clients start relationships soon after separation. Feeling lonely is completely natural, but being alone will allow you to start a self-discovery journey that will help you heal old wounds, learn from your mistakes, grow stronger and become wiser. Before trying to find a new partner, try to get to know yourself better: what makes you happy? What triggers you? What are your hopes and dreams for the future?

A new partner should lighten up your world, but if you don’t know who you are or what you want out of this life, you might end up choosing the wrong partner again. New lovers should not fill voids, nor should they be used to get back at your ex. People who jump from relationship to relationship tend to make the same mistakes and usually wonder why they cannot be with anyone long-term (no wonder why divorce rates skyrocket after the second marriage). There is no timeline for being ready to move on, but we recommend taking six months to yourself: heal and learn to love yourself before giving your heart away again.

Self-care is the path to self-love: take yourself out on dates, exercise, learn something new, volunteer… maybe you have been thinking about taking a course, joining a team or a club. If you struggle with anxiety or depression, you should consider talking to a therapist or having an appointment with your medical doctor (trust the experts!).

Understanding where romance falls in your list of priorities is very important. Remember that a day has 24 hours, so take some time to think how much time you want to spend on self-care, on your career, on your family, etc.

Do you have the time and energy to add someone new to the mix? And if you do, what kind of person do you want by your side? How do they make you feel? What do you do together? How do they talk to you? How do they support you? How often do you see them? Visualizing your ideal partner is not just about looks, job titles and income.

If you find someone that checks all the marks, take some time to really get to know them. The honeymoon phase can last anywhere between 6 months to 2 years, so slowing down might let you see your new partner’s true colors before you make any life-changing decisions. You might want to talk to a lawyer before moving in with someone else or consider having a cohabitation agreement that will protect you if things don’t work out.

Do not introduce your new partner to your children until you are sure that this new person fits into your life’s plan. Some kids fantasize about their parents getting back together, so introducing a new partner too soon might backfire. They might think the new partner is to blame for the divorce or for their parents inability to reconcile. The last thing you want is for your kids to resent you or your new partner during these confusing times. You might eventually want to blend your family, but giving the children time to adapt is in their best interest. A child psychologist can give you tools for discussing your love life with the children: how and when to introduce a new partner, what sort of activities to do together and how to ensure you still have quality time with your children without the new partner present.

Another person to consider when you start dating again is your former spouse. Sounds a little strange, doesn’t it?

Now that you are no longer in your relationship, you can do what you want! You have freedom!

 

Not so fast…

Whether you like it or not, your former spouse holds a lot of power in the separation process and if you trigger them at the wrong time, look out. Emotional intelligence is key when dealing with matters of the heart. Certified divorce coaches can help you communicate delicate matters with compassion and set boundaries to protect your privacy and avoid future problems. When people are hurt they tend to act irrationally and they might try to get back at you by taking you to court, withholding the children or even suing you (we have seen and heard it all!).

This doesn’t mean that you have to live in fear or hide things from your former partner, but if you want a peaceful separation, make sure you are doing everything in your power to maintain the peace and give everyone time to transition into the new family dynamic. Putting yourself in your ex’s shoes might help you understand how your action might play out in future discussions around parenting time, decision making, property division and support payments.

Everyone deserves love and you have been deprived of it for a long time, you might want to jump back into the dating world right away. This is normal, but take a deep breath and start by loving the only constant in your life: yourself. If you focus on nourishing your mind, body and spirit, you will be wiser, kinder and stronger. Confidence and independence are attractive. Empower yourself and the right person will come your way when you are ready. Put yourself out there, but not because you want to meet someone; do it because you want to grow and become the best version of yourself.

Surround yourself with people that energize you and not with those who drain you. Believe that you deserve to be cherished and respected and the right person will come. If they are not right for you, be grateful for the good times you had together and for what you learned from the experience. As cliché as it sounds, there are plenty of fish in the sea and as long as you continue to love yourself, others will want to join in the fun.

 

Written by: Jake Purdy, co-founder of Divorce Management

© Divorce Management 2024

 

Apply for subsidized therapy with Pineapple Support here.

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

Substances and Harm Reduction

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Written by Tom Howells

 

We’re all adults in the adult space, so pretending that drugs aren’t used by some of us doesn’t help anyone. What is helpful is real advice about changing behaviours in order to minimise the inherent risks. In light of tragic events within our industry we wanted to share some insight into safer drug use and what steps you can take to reduce risk to yourself and others if you do choose to use drugs/alcohol.

The most important step is to make sure you know what you are taking is what you’ve been told it is. That doesn’t mean asking the person you sourced it from, it means at least using test kits/fentanyl testing strips, or ideally full clinical testing (if available in your area). Fentanyl is becoming more and more commonly used to increase the apparent ‘potency’ of different drugs, and this synthetic opioid is 50 times more potent than heroin, so even trace amounts cut into your drugs can mean the risk is dramatically increased.

With cases of drink spiking on the rise it is also important to make sure your drink doesn’t get anything unwanted added to it. It’s incredibly important to watch your drink at all times, cover the top if you aren’t certain you can keep it safe, also some people feel safer drinking shots as there is less time for the drink to be tampered with before it is gone (although in this case it’s easier to drink more/more quickly than you wanted).  A large proportion of drink spiking is done by friends of the victim, and it can be meant as ‘fun’ or ‘a joke’ but the reality is the only person who knows what drugs somebody wants is that person themselves. Giving somebody something without their knowledge (even an extra shot of alcohol) can be the difference between fun or tragedy.

Equally important is keeping track of how much of your (hopefully tested) drugs or alcohol you are consuming. This is obviously hard to do on a night out but there are different ways to make that easier. Separating a large quantity into smaller doses in order to know your consumption, and how quickly you have consumed those drugs is a simple way of making sure you don’t end up going too far too quickly and causing yourself harm. That and only bringing the quantity you intend to consume will reduce the risk of unintentionally high doses. You can’t take what isn’t there!

Using alcohol/drugs when you’re emotionally distressed is a huge factor in how much risk you may place yourself in, it may be the reason you ignore the steps outlined above and take bigger risks and potentially bigger doses. This increases the risk of physical harm, but also the risk of harm to mental health. This coupled with the stigma surrounding drugs, the industry, and mental health is where Pineapple can help. Those facing tough times may feel their only solution is to hide their problems using substances, but relying on drugs or alcohol as a coping mechanism can quickly spiral into addiction and further exacerbate mental health issues. Our team of therapists is there to make sure those facing these situations have a safe space to explore the issues that may lead them to abusing drugs and alcohol, and offer them help dealing with addiction. It can be incredibly hard for an individual to accept they need support and to reach out and ask, but our therapists ensure a completely safe space without stigma, and specific experience in the adult space giving them unparalleled insight into the issues we face.

Links:

Drugsdata.org – USA, accepts international postage. DEA licensed drug testing laboratory. Postal fixed location.

Energycontrol-international.org – Spain, European wide, accepts international postage. Fixed location.

Wedinos.org – UK based fixed location testing laboratory.

Wearetheloop.org – UK based pop-up testing clinics.

 

You are loved, we are listening – you are not alone. Apply for subsidized therapy with Pineapple Support here.

 

Photo by Shahadat Rahman on Unsplash

BranditScan Joins Pineapple Support As Partner-Level Sponsor

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Pineapple Support, the adult industry’s leading mental health nonprofit, is pleased to welcome BranditScan as a partner-level sponsor. The piracy protection service for content creators joins over sixty adult businesses and organizations in committing funds and resources to the organization.

“Working in the DMCA service sector, we see the daily impact of piracy on mental health,” said a BranditScan representative. “We’re really excited about this sponsorship. Pineapple’s admirable work aligns with our dedication to supporting creators in a way that is most accessible to them.”

Pineapple Support was founded by performer Leya Tanit in 2018, after a string of losses in the adult industry from depression and other mental illnesses. The organization, a qualified 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization in the United States, has connected over 12,000 adult performers to mental health services, including free and low-cost therapy, counseling, and emotional support.

“I’m very grateful to welcome BranditScan as a sponsor of Pineapple Support,” says Tanit. “Their commitment reflects the growing recognition that mental health is a priority in the adult industry, and helps us to expand our reach to provide critical services to performers.”

To learn more about becoming a sponsor of Pineapple Support, please visit https://pineapplesupport.org/sponsorship. Details about additional ways to support, as a company or individual, can be found on the organization’s website https://pineapplesupport.org.

5 Ways to Support a Friend Going through Divorce

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Zelena van der Leeden, MC, CDC® and Jake W. Purdy, PMP, CDC® are the Co-founders of Divorce Management, the first multi-lingual divorce coaching firm in North America. Divorce Management operates on a “pay what you can” model offering certified Divorce Coaching and Divorce Transition and Recovery Coaching. Further details can be found on their website.

 

Where I come from, they say that you can count your true friends with your fingers. People have different concepts of the word friendship, but one thing we can all agree on is that a real friend has earned your trust and that you have earned theirs.

Having someone’s support when we are going through difficult times can make the journey less painful and less lonely. Friends usually have the power to make us feel better, but sometimes they feel lost and unable to help.

When someone is going through a divorce, people start sharing their Kramer Vs Kramer stories. They tell you what they or others did to keep the house, or the kids and they try to connect you with the best shark in town! Divorce can be a traumatic experience, so when you meet someone who has gone through a difficult separation, you tend to bond and want to help.

If marital breakdown is affecting someone you love, here are some ways in which you can support them:

  1. Ask how you can help

    This might seem obvious, but if you have a friend who is clearly struggling, you might offer opti/ons and solutions that are unwanted. Some people like company and distraction: they want to relax and think about something other than divorce. Others need space: alone time, or less crowded events. They might want to vent and just have you sit there and nod and say: your ex is evil! Or, they might want to avoid the topic all together. They might need money, food or just someone to help with the kids and chores while they deal with the legal mess while trying to keep some sanity. Before you offer help, ask them what they need and then see what you can do to support them.

  2. Respect boundaries

    Even if you mean well, breaking boundaries can slow down your friend’s healing process. Unless you are worried about their wellbeing, if someone wants to be alone you must respect that. If someone says that they don’t want to talk about the divorce, then you shouldn’t ask about it. Let the person lead, but be inquisitive and attentive. Let them know you are around without being too intrusive. Let them share what they feel comfortable with and show interest without falling under the gossip trap. If there are children involved, remember that the high-conflict separations can end up in custody battles, so make sure not share any details about their case with anyone.
    Sometimes a hug can go a long way.

  3. Expect bad days

    We’ve all experienced the blues. Being sad is not a bad thing, but being sad all the time is a sign of depression. If your friend is having ups and downs, that is completely understandable. You’ll know how to help because you have asked and you’ll make sure to respect their boundaries. If you are worried that they might be struggling with mental health issues, you might want to suggest that they talk to their doctor or to a therapist. Some cope with drugs and alcohol and if you think it is getting out of hand, consider saying something. Know that you are not a psychologist and that it is not your job to fix your friend; but a good friend will try to help by offering resources and connecting them with experts.

  1. Offer a different perspective

    Sometimes we try to be supportive by agreeing with our friends. While every single emotion is valid, sometimes people get stuck on an issue that prevents them from moving forward. This is normal because divorce can be stressful and scary and when people are scared they go into fight or flight mode. You can validate every single feeling they have while offering a different point of view. You might help them see alternatives or at least to consider options. Asking questions usually works: What scares you about that idea? Why do you think that? What would happen if…? If you have been through a divorce or know people who have, it’s easy to generalize and compare cases. Understand that every family dynamic is different and that everyone needs to find their own way. If you are encouraging behaviors that will worsen the situation, you are not helping your friend. Try to stay objective.

  2. Cheer for them

    Adapting to life after divorce is a process that takes approximately 3 years for most families with children. Your friend will go through a lot of battles: emotional, legal, social, financial… they will win some and lose some. They will have to negotiate and figure out their priorities and start a new chapter of their lives. They will feel lost and hopeless at times, so it is important that you help them celebrate the small victories: reaching an agreement, moving into a new home, getting a new job, putting themselves out there. If you notice a positive change in your friend’s attitude, make sure you point it out!

 

If you are worried about a friend and don’t feel comfortable having these types of conversations, you can refer them to a divorce coach. Shame and guilt stops people from opening up to friends. Don’t take it personally, just remind them that you are on their side and that you will be supportive while staying true to yourself.

 

 

Written by: Zelena van der Leeden, co-founder of Divorce Management

© Divorce Management 2024

 

You can apply for subsidized therapy with Pineapple Support here.

Photo by Helena Lopes on Unsplash

Pineapple Support to Host Model Retreat Lounge at The AVN Adult Entertainment Expo

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Pineapple Support, the adult industry’s leading mental health non-profit, will host a private model retreat lounge at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas, where models can speak with therapists and enjoy a range of services and holistic therapies throughout the day.

The model retreat lounge, sponsored by Kink.com, New Moon Fund, Free Speach Coalition and Pornhub, will take place in Orchid Ballroom E at the Resorts World Las Vegas venue during the conference, which runs from January 24th to 27th, 2024.

The lounge will provide support by Pineapple Support mental health practitioners, hot drinks, snacks, phone charging stations, and areas to take a nap with blankets and eye masks, as well as board games, free headshots by Casey Jade Photography, life coaching, sexual astrology, tarot readings, and other holistic therapies. Each day will conclude with a meditative soundbath at 7pm for performers to unwind after the show.

Pineapple Support was founded by performer Leya Tanit in 2018, after a string of losses in the adult industry from depression and other mental illnesses. The organization, a qualified 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization in the United States, has connected over 12,000 adult performers to mental health services, including free and low-cost therapy, counseling, and emotional support.

“These conferences can be overwhelming for performers, so we want to create a safe space where they can come and recharge whenever they need,” says Tanit. “Whether you want to get therapy or simply wrap up with a blanket and have a nap, this space is yours to feel safe and be yourself. I’d like to extend a special thanks to Chaturbate and Stripchat for covering accommodation costs for Pineapple team members and therapists.”

To view the full schedule of The AVN Adult Entertainment Expo, visit https://trade.adultentertainmentexpo.com/. To learn more about becoming a sponsor of Pineapple Support, please visit https://pineapplesupport.org/sponsorship. Details about additional ways to support the organization as a company or individual can be found by visiting https://pineapplesupport.org.

Pineapple Support To Attend XBIZ LA and Host One-Day Wellness Retreat

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Pineapple Support, the adult industry’s leading mental health non-profit, will attend the XBIZ LA conference in Hollywood, California, where it will take part in two panels, provide lunchtime refreshments, as well as host a one-day retreat for performers to relax after the event.

Pineapple Support founder and CEO Leya Tanit will be present at the event, which runs from January 15th to 18th, as well as Pineapple Support brand ambassadors Sabien Demonia, Erika Love, Eve Batelle, and Justine Cross. Pineapple Support will also provide lunch refreshments in the main hotel bar area, sponsored by FansFuel.

“We want to invite performers to join us for a moment to relax and nourish themselves during the show,” says Tanit. “We know attending conferences like this can be expensive for performers and queues during lunchtime can eat into already hectic schedules. I’m thankful to FansFuel for helping us to take care of performers’ physical health and ensure they’re on top form for the rest of the day.”

In addition, Tanit will also be taking part in two panels during the conference:

Cam & Fan Platforms: What’s Hot and What’s Next
Tuesday 16th, from 12pm to 12.50pm (Location: Beachwood Ballroom)

Motivated: Stories of Resilience
Wednesday 17th, from 11am to 11.50am (Location: Graham Boardroom)

The team is also hosting a one-day Pineapple Support Wellness Retreat in the Nichols II Ballroom of the conference venue at the Kimpton Everly Hotel, sponsored by Chaturbate. The retreat runs from 1pm to 6pm and will include workshops hosted by Nicoletta Heidegger, Jordan Wolan, and Laila Delight, breathwork sessions, a soundbath, yoga, massages, tarot readings, and group talks on sexual wellness by professional sex therapists.

“As XBIZ 2024 concludes, this retreat offers the perfect opportunity to unwind and find balance,” says Tanit. “Before jumping back into your busy work life, and preparing for the next event, take a breath and take some time to recharge your mind and body. Join us for lunch, wellness events and relaxation.”

Tanit founded Pineapple Support in 2018, after a string of losses in the adult industry from depression and other mental illnesses. The organization, a qualified 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization in the United States, has connected over 12,000 adult performers to mental health services, including free and low-cost therapy, counseling, and emotional support.

To view the full schedule of the XBIZ LA conference, visit https://www.xbizshow.com/. To learn more about becoming a sponsor of Pineapple Support, please visit https://pineapplesupport.org/sponsorship. Details about additional ways to support the organization as a company or individual can be found by visiting https://pineapplesupport.org.