Preventing Burnout In The Adult Industry

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Life can get pretty overwhelming, especially for content creators juggling numerous demands. If you’re feeling emotionally and physically drained, it might be more than just the usual stress. You could be on the brink of burnout.

Burnout isn’t exclusive to the workplace; personal responsibilities can contribute too. Whether you’re facing burnout from content creation or other aspects of life, chronic stress can affect your productivity, work-life balance, and overall well-being.

Since burnout is prevalent, especially in the creative field, it’s crucial to know how to prevent it. Check out these 25 friendly suggestions to recharge and avoid becoming overwhelmed. Let’s explore how to keep the creative flame burning without burning out:

Spot the Early Signs of Burnout:
Recognize the signs early to manage stress effectively.
Signs include physical exhaustion, mood swings, increased anxiety, and a lack of enthusiasm for activities.

Embrace Regular Exercise:
Hit the gym, go for a jog, or take a dance class to boost physical and mental well-being.
Studies show that activities like yoga can significantly reduce stress and burnout.

Master Your Workload:
Prioritize tasks and don’t hesitate to delegate when needed.

Take Mental Breaks:
Working nonstop can lead to fatigue. Short breaks throughout the day enhance productivity.

Prioritize Self-Care:
Make yourself a priority—eat well, get enough sleep, and indulge in activities you enjoy.

Establish Clear Boundaries:
Set boundaries to balance work and personal life, reducing constant stress.

Find Privacy:
Allocate time alone daily for focused tasks without distractions.

Keep Learning:
Refresh your skills regularly to feel confident and capable in your creative endeavors.

Cultivate Hobbies:
Engage in hobbies to unwind and improve your overall quality of life.

Banish Negative Self-Talk:
Reframe negative thoughts to boost confidence and resilience.

Practice Mindfulness:
Focus on the present moment to stay calm amid high stress.

Explore Meditation:
Dedicate a few minutes daily to meditation for stress relief.

Enhance Sleep Hygiene:
Develop healthy sleep habits for deeper and more restful sleep.

Start Journaling:
Express creativity and emotions through journaling to prevent burnout.

Recite Positive Affirmations:
Boost confidence and reduce stress with daily affirmations.

Embrace Laughter:
Laughing and smiling can instantly reduce stress and improve your mood.

Relax with Breathing Exercises:
Calm down quickly with simple breathing exercises.

Schedule Relaxation Time:
Set reminders to take breaks and prioritize relaxation.

Connect with Others:
Social support is vital. Make time for family and friends even when busy.

Reframe Negative Situations:
Change your perspective on challenges for better stress management.

Start Meal Planning:
Plan meals ahead to ensure a healthy and convenient diet.

Get Outside:
Step outside for a breath of fresh air, sunlight, and a change of scenery.

Ask for Help:
Don’t hesitate to seek support when your schedule feels overwhelming.

Consider Therapy:
If burnout symptoms persist, therapy can provide tools for a positive mindset.

Remember, taking care of your well-being is essential for sustained creativity. Consider professional help, Pineapple Support provides free and subsidised mental health care and emotional support to adult industry professionals. Please reach out.

Keeping Calm Under Pressure

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Remaining calm under pressure can be challenging, but it’s a valuable skill that can be developed with practice. Here are some strategies to help you stay calm in high-pressure situations:

Recognize and accept your emotions: It’s normal to feel anxious or stressed in high-pressure situations. Acknowledge your emotions and accept them without judgment. Remember that it’s okay to feel this way, and it doesn’t mean you’re incapable or weak.

Take deep breaths: Deep breathing is a simple yet effective technique to calm your mind and body. Slowly inhale through your nose, hold your breath for a few seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Focus on your breath and repeat this several times until you feel more centred.

Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves staying present and aware of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations in the present moment. When you feel pressure building up, take a moment to observe your thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them. This can help you maintain a sense of calm and perspective.

Challenge negative thoughts: High-pressure situations can trigger negative thoughts and self-doubt. Challenge these thoughts by questioning their accuracy and replacing them with more positive and realistic ones. Remind yourself of your capabilities and past successes.

Break it down: When faced with a daunting task or a high-pressure situation, break it down into smaller, manageable steps. Focus on one step at a time, rather than becoming overwhelmed by the entire situation. This approach can help you stay focused and reduce anxiety.

Prepare and practice: Preparation is key to handling pressure effectively. Whether it’s a presentation, an interview, or a challenging task, make sure you are well-prepared. Practice beforehand, visualize yourself performing successfully, and rehearse your responses. The more familiar you are with the situation, the more confident you’ll feel.

Utilize positive self-talk: Use positive affirmations and self-talk to boost your confidence and maintain a calm mindset. Remind yourself of your strengths, previous accomplishments, and your ability to handle challenging situations. Replace negative self-talk with encouraging and supportive statements.

Seek support: Don’t hesitate to reach out for support when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or mentor who can provide guidance, encouragement, or a fresh perspective. Sometimes, simply expressing your concerns can help relieve some of the pressure.

Take care of yourself: Prioritize self-care, especially during stressful periods. Get enough sleep, eat nourishing meals, engage in physical activity, and make time for activities that help you relax and recharge. Taking care of your physical and mental well-being will improve your resilience and ability to handle pressure.

Remember, staying calm under pressure is a skill that develops over time. Be patient with yourself and practice these strategies consistently. With time and effort, you can become better at maintaining your composure in high-pressure situations. Helping yourself to remain calm usually means others will respond better.

 

Pineapple Support offers numerous workshops to help you deal with the pressures of work and life in general. Don’t leave it until you are drowning in problems or feel like you are going to explode. Take time out to help yourself.

 

When is Collaboration Better Than Competing?

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The answer is most likely, always!

Unless you are directly competing your skills against another for the purposes of sport or suchlike, we always make more progress when we work together. Sharing skills and knowledge in our everyday lives is so important to our evolution.

Throughout the ages, major breakthroughs have come about because an individual sought help with a problem. The saying ‘2 minds are better than one’, has never been truer in this case.

Collaborating not only allows you to share and pass on your knowledge to another but also prompts thoughts and processes that may not have crossed your mind previously. When we keep those little nuggets of info to ourselves, it produces selfish thoughts and negative feelings towards those around us. Sharing information can actually provide us with really positive energy. It makes us feel good and empowers the mind so that we feel useful to others.

Empowerment allows success

People mistake the meaning of empowerment, thinking that it always means something negative, where one person has power over another. It is in fact a lot more personal than that. It is the process of becoming stronger and more confident, so that we can take control of our lives. It enables an individual to represent their own interests in a responsible and self-determined way, whilst being able to act on their own authority.

It is possible for one person to become overwhelmed with the feeling of power and allow it to manifest into something which is selfish and ugly. The trick is to follow the fundamentals.

  • Respect the decisions others make about their lives
  • Try to always make other people feel comfortable enough to discuss their own feelings
  • Always be respectful and non-judgemental
  • Focus on abilities and strengths rather than admonishing weaknesses
  • Provide support and encouragement

Skill sharing

Offering to share your knowledge with others will always show you in the best light possible. It provides a feeling of openness and helps you to engage with others. Positivity is catching and spreads warmth and happiness to all those involved.

One of the best things about the internet is the ability to pass on skills and understanding to many, many people, most of whom you will never know personally. Although we tend to work better when we receive individual praise, positive acknowledgements from complete strangers are an incredible boost to our self-esteem.

Every day is a new one where we can all acquire a new talent or learn a new skill. It motivates the mind and conquers boredom and inactivity. Sharing that interest with others is one of the best ways to build friendships and bond.

How to collaborate

Collaboration could be as simple as picking up the phone and asking someone how their day has been, or you might text them, just to say hello. Nowadays, most of these partnerships are based in the virtual world. There are video, network, community, internal and external collaborations, all of which lead to a sharing of knowledge and the ability to achieve a goal.

This kind of work style was first officially recognised in the 1950’s. It allowed projects to be managed by more than one individual, rather than the previous method using one project manager and a Gantt chart. Companies quickly realised that allowing employees to work in this manner produced an efficient workforce which promoted growth and innovation for the company.

As individuals, this relatively simple way of sharing thoughts, skills and processes with others brings about a positive attitude and renews the hunger for learning.

Enjoying sharing

There’s nothing better in life than sitting down and sharing a glass of wine, or a cup of coffee or even a good movie with your bestie. It’s what seems to make us whole as a species. It gives a warm glow inside, and it provides a form of stability that you cannot get from anywhere else. That shared experience will be remembered for a very long time and gives treasured moments to draw upon whenever we need a little fix of feeling warm.

Passing on knowledge can result in those same warm feelings. Knowing that we have helped someone, passed on vital information and allowed them to grow as a person even more, is an amazing feeling.

Knowledge really does mean power when you use it in the best way possible.

Always remember ‘Sharing is Caring’ and ‘Caring is Sharing’.

The Beauty of Being You

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Of all the things happening in the world every, single day, the one feature you should always be able to rely upon is yourself. You are the constant in this ever-changing landscape and without a doubt the best opportunity you have for self-improvement.

When you spend much of your time in front of a camera, whether it be on your phone, webcam or a video shoot, it’s really easy to start picking fault with every little detail. This can often come to the forefront for those performers and models who have created an alternative persona for work. The fear of your mask slipping and showing the real you to the outside world is ever present.

Much of this worry is due to the constructs that society places on labels and what they mean. Your family and friends may object to your chosen career, or they may have absolutely no idea what your job entails. The further away your work persona is from the real you, the harder it is to remain in control.

Disguise or Reveal?

It’s a strange concept to understand and get your head around but in real life men don’t really prefer blondes. You only have to scan the first page of any of the popular Cam and Adult sites out there to discover that the reality is actually further away than you imagine.

One of the most popular Cam girls ever is a red head, another has a bust size of 28A, whilst another wears glasses while on cam, even though she has near perfect eyesight. More and more the top girls on Cam are not conforming to the stereotypical blonde with big fake tits look.

Shedding Light on the Secret You

So, what does this mean for you? It definitely allows you the freedom to be more natural and not feel the need to hide behind a wig and a face full of makeup. It gives you permission to spend far less time honing your skills with your fake persona. You get to take advantage of improving other talents, such as interacting and conversing with others.

You don’t need to go out and buy lots of expensive items of clothing and underwear if you don’t want to. Just ensure you feel comfortable in what you wear. If you’ve never worn stockings and suspenders before, don’t start now as you won’t look natural on camera. There’s nothing worse than someone who is more concerned about what they are wearing, than what they are actually doing on cam or during a photoshoot.

Your Daily Aims

If at all possible, try and stay focused and make sure you keep in touch with your loved ones and friends. It’s crucial to your state of being, so that each day has a focus and meaning. You don’t need to speak to everyone, every single day, nor wait until the weekend before reaching out. Don’t wait for people to contact you first, remember some people find opening up a bit of a struggle. They are also the ones who truly appreciate that you were thinking about them and made contact.

The same applies to your fans and contacts on Cam, the more you stay in touch by messaging and sending them updates about your day, the more they’ll be likely to remain loyal. Don’t stress out when they are short of cash and can’t spend it on you, it costs nothing to send them a short message and will gain their loyalty in the long run!

Be Good to Yourself

Everyone has bad days from time to time and if you are having a particularly awful day, it’s not something you should really be sharing with anyone other than your nearest and dearest. These are the times when you need to unwind, relax and give yourself a treat. It doesn’t have to be something which costs money.

You could try some Yoga, or Breathing exercises, or perhaps reward yourself to a nice cup of hot chocolate and a good book. The time you take to care for you, is crucial to your wellbeing. It will enable acceptance of your whole being with or without faults. You’ll feel differently about creating improvements to your mind and body and no longer feel that you have to punish yourself for those tiny faults you previously perceived as mountainous.

Pineapple Supports

Pineapple offers all types of support groups and resources for improving your mental health and overall wellbeing. There is no stigma, and the team are there specifically for online, adult sex workers, worldwide. There are webinars covering specific areas and events which aim to bring like-minded people together.

Remember, you are loved, we are listening, and you are not alone!

International Friendship Day

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Ever since this day was first celebrated in 1958, it has allowed countless people to come together and be as one. The very first ‘World Friendship Day’ on the 30th July was set up by an international organisation called the ‘World Friendship Crusade’. Some countries, such as Brazil and Argentina celebrate on the 20th, whilst India, the UAE and Bangladesh celebrate on the first Sunday in August and the USA on February 15th.

Their theme – “Sharing the human spirit through friendship”. The aim is to share emotions and spread happiness and serenity, which in turn will allow you to conquer the hearts of others. Ultimately bringing the whole world together under one big, happy roof.

Although it started in 1958 in the North American state of ‘Paraguay’, it was only in 2011 that the UN General Assembly declared 30th July as an official ‘International Friendship Day’. They proposed that friendship can inspire peace efforts between peoples, countries, culture and individuals. It emphasises the fact that friendship, especially amongst the younger generation, promotes and understanding and respect for diversity.

How Can You Join In?

One of the best ways to celebrate is by spending time with friends. Make a point of scheduling a fun activity or go for something simpler. You can,

  • Organise a get together with those you haven’t seen for a while
  • Go to lunch or dinner
  • Invite them to yours for a buffet (get each person to bring some food and drink)
  • Visit your local park
  • Go for a countryside walk
  • Cycling
  • Volunteer at a local charity
  • Join a local activity club to learn a new skill or hobby

Sometimes, we need to take ourselves out of our comfort zone to enable the mind and soul to become refreshed. When we take on a new task, or accomplish something we’ve never done before, it gives us a reason to live and love. Doing it with friends gives us an even greater boost.

Friends Come with Benefits

As much as sharing a problem with a friend helps, sharing positive actions and experiences has amazing benefits. It provides memories which you can return to whenever you are feeling a little bit down. It gives a piece of common ground between those you shared the experience with.

Even the organising of a shared event can give much positivity to both the planner and the group as a whole. Friends can give you a boost when you need it, and close friends may even do it when you don’t realise yourself that you are in need!

Sharing is Caring

Confidence and affirmations go a long way to providing an upbeat situation. They also produce a PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) amongst those present.

Even something a small as saying “Hi, how are you?” to a few of your friends each day will mean a huge amount to many. Knowing that someone is thinking about you is a huge boost. It gives them an instant warm fuzzy feeling and brightens their day. The best bit is, for every friend you motivate with a caring thought, they in turn can pass on to their friends. It’s a win – win situation and spreads the love even further.

Friendship Day Hashtags

#bestfriend

#friendday

#happybfday

#happybestfriendday

#happyfriendshipday

#happyfriend

#happyfriendday

#happtfriends

Some Quotes for Friendship Day

Last but by no means least, here are some inspiring friendship quotes for sharing.

William Shakespeare “A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.”

Alfred Tennyson “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you … I could walk through my garden forever.”

Jim Morrison “True friendship is like health; the value of it is seldom known until it is lost.”

Helen Keller “I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light’”

Socrates “In prosperity, our friends know us; in adversity, we know our friends.”

Aristotle “Friends are the family you choose.”

John Churton Collins “A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.”

Unknown “Finding friends with the same mental disorder is priceless.”

Albert Einstein “Be slow to fall into friendship, but when you are in, continue firm and constant.”

 

And here is mine “Sow the seeds of friendship every day so that your harvest is plenty.”

Love Carla x

5 Benefits of Therapy

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Talk therapy is a safe space for open and honest dialogue between you and your therapist. While the overall goal is to identify and talk about issues causing your distress, therapy goes a bit deeper than that.

For a long time now, therapy has been a consistent guiding light for me. Therapy helped me transition from a life that felt overwhelming and unbearable to one that I enjoy living and thrive in – one where I know that I can overcome my anxiety even on my hardest days.

In working with your therapist to identify stressors in your life and understand their impact, you will also learn strategies and skills to manage your symptoms and move forward. If you’re on the fence about it or aren’t sure exactly why to go or what to say in therapy, I highly recommend giving it a try – or a few.

No matter what, we all could use an unbiased, non-judgmental, and knowledgeable person to talk to at times. So, if you ever feel lost on where to turn to, set up an appointment with a therapist. In doing this, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, and the following five benefits of therapy will give you a clearer idea of what I mean.

Therapy helps with anxiety

Therapy is a highly valuable tool that helps treat patients with a wide range of issues and mental health conditions like depression, trauma, and OCD. And if I have not mentioned it straightforwardly enough yet, therapy is also a tool for dealing with the day-to-day challenges we all face as humans – something that anyone can benefit from.

That said, I want to touch on the most common mental health condition out there: anxiety. People who struggle with anxiety do not just experience moderate or high stress in understandable circumstances. Instead, people with anxiety feel unstable, irritable, or uneasy most of the time and for reasons they cannot always explain. This continuous state of fear can cause difficulty managing your emotions as anxiety begins to dictate your behaviors.

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The first way therapy helps people manage their anxiety is by identifying the factors and underlying causes contributing to it. From there, they come to understand their emotions better and reach a place of acceptance before developing techniques to ease anxiety and effectively deal with it.

Therapy can improve your relationships

By this, I do not mean that therapy is a great resource for dealing with social anxiety or recovering from a tough breakup, although it is. But while some therapists specialize in family, relationship, and marriage counselling, any form of therapy can improve your relationships in general.

As you likely already know but may not always apply, better communication is key to better relationships. For this reason, therapists focus on opening the lines of communication between two or more people.

However, even if it is just you attending therapy, your therapist can help you see other perspectives and find balance in the way you communicate with people you care for. For instance, you might have a hard time opening up and being assertive to get what you need from someone; or, it could be the other way around, and you don’t realize the impact your assertiveness has on someone else’s feelings.

While therapists help people cultivate more positive and long-lasting relationships, they can also help you learn how to manage relationships with people you don’t want to keep around. Even accepting that it is okay to let go of relationships that aren’t serving you is a pretty big first step that you can accomplish in therapy.

By learning more skills to gain perspective and communicate, therapy can help you navigate all your current relationships to find greater fulfillment.

Therapy can make you happier

I realize that this a broad statement because, let’s face it, happiness is an ambiguous word. Not only can happiness emotions range from contentment to immense joy, but the things that make us happy vary for all of us, too.

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No matter how you slice it, I think we can all agree that greater levels of self- acceptance and self-compassion make us happier. When you accept who you are, you will be more prone to take care of yourself and engage in healthy behaviors rather than succumb to negative self-talk. And the things you discuss with your therapist will help you find more self- awareness and understanding, which is always the first step before self-acceptance.

In other words, therapy is a great first step to a happier life. It is an opportunity to release your past, talk about your present, and foster more compassion for yourself moving forward.

Therapy can make you more productive

Have you ever noticed how you get more tasks accomplished or focus better when you are in a good mood?

We’ve established that therapy can make you feel happier, and the same chemicals, like serotonin, that your brain receives when you’re happy also signal you to learn more, work harder, and apply yourself.

My intention is not to say that you have to work harder to be happy or that what you are doing now is not good enough. Although, I won’t deny the fact that higher productivity is great for many reasons.

The more you strive for goals and succeed, the more accomplished, capable, and confident you will feel. Not to mention productivity gives your life a sense of direction. All of this can add up to a greater level of happiness, so if you think about it, happiness and productivity make up a positive and perpetual cycle.

Both happiness and productivity combined can help you advance in life, whether professionally or personally, and therapy is a way to identify your mental roadblocks so you can find effective solutions to overcome them. As you can see, therapy is not about directly helping people develop better wellbeing, but a tool that enables you to improve any areas of your life that contribute to your wellbeing.

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Therapy teaches healthy, lifelong coping skills

Last but certainly not least are the healthy coping skills you acquire from therapy. Coping is necessary to respond to all life’s challenges and problems. Sometimes all coping will feel like it is helping you to do is persevere. But if you continue to cope with consistency and efficacy using the tools you learn in therapy, you will ultimately move through and move on.

When your healthy coping mechanisms become habitual and take precedence over your unhealthy ones, you will feel more in control over your life. Keep in mind that nurturing skills and habits and achieving progress takes time, and so does therapy. It is normal if it takes a while to reap any of these benefits of therapy, which is one more reason not to wait any longer to try it.

Writing by Paul Marlow

“Paul Marlow is a mental health advocate who writes mental health help content to inspire others to find daily actions to get better. You can see more at his site for Never Alone”

Create Your Morning Routine For Mental Health Happiness To Start The Day

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Does this sound familiar?

You have a busy workday tomorrow and are planning out how the day will go. Where is the first place you take away attention from?

Does it look something like this…

Wake-up
Order coffee from the Starbucks app Run out the door

In a total of seven minutes, you have broken your brain into a dead sprint after being in a coma for eight hours.

This doesn’t sound relaxing, does it? I promise you, if it doesn’t sound relaxing to you, your brain and mental health also don’t vibe with this morning routine.

Allowing yourself to wake up 45-60 minutes before you need to leave the house will give your brain the time to function fully by the time you step out the door. Positively helping anxiety, depression, stress or any other mental health struggles you might be struggling with.

Here are 10 tips to creating your morning routine

1. Alarm

Buying a stand-alone alarm clock will allow you to put your phone to charge in another room at night, or at least more than an arm’s length away. Wake up 60 minutes before you need to leave your place of living.

2. Don’t look at your phone

Leaving your phone on the charger until your whole routine is complete is one of the main goals for your morning routine. It may only be 15 minutes or last a full 60 minutes, but the idea is not

to allow the stress of social media, emails or anything else to spike your angst or derail your focus.

3. Make Your Bed

Starting each morning off with an easy win like making your bed will give you positive re- enforcement the first 3 minutes of being awake. It should take no longer than 30 seconds to make your bed, so why not give it a try?

4. Cold Shower

There are a few ways to add a cold shower to your routine.

  • The entire shower is streaming cold water (you are part of the 1% club)
  • In your last 30 seconds of a hot shower, you throw the tap too cold and ride it out till the

    end.
    There are multiple benefits to adding this to your routine, ranging from a for sure wakeup to mental and physiological benefits.

    5. Drink Hot Lemon Water

    Drinking hot lemon water as the first thing you digest in the day helps regulate natural bowel movements. Our gut’s health status can correlate with our mental health happiness.

    Make sure you put the lemon juice in a short glass of water and shoot it, or add it to a large glass of medium to hot water. The acidity of the lemon in concentrated doses will harm the enamel around your teeth.

    6. Meditate

    Being a newbie, the act of meditating can be overwhelming. You will spend a lot of time wondering if you are doing it right and thinking about not trying to think.

    For the first year of meditating during my morning routine, I would sit in the quiet of the morning with my eyes closed (sometimes open) and allow myself to take in the sounds around me while focusing on the moment.

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Take this addition to your morning routine with a bit of humility. If you can sit still for a few minutes without having the desire to check your phone, I call that a win.

7. Coffee or tea
You have made it 60% of the way; that’s a big win!

This is when you can add in the comfort area of what a morning routine meant to you in the past… make a strong cup of coffee. Go through the process slowly and methodically. The act can be very pleasing and a form of meditation.

8. Journal

Now that you have your cup of coffee ready bring out your dedicated morning journal. Buy yourself a journal you enjoy the look and feel of, and this will be dedicated to writing only in the mornings. A few tips to what to write about if you get stuck are…

  • Positive things that happened the day before
  • Negative things that I can change that happened the day before
  • What is on my schedule today
  • A particular emotional event that occurred the day before

    9. Breathing

    It’s best if I let Whim Hoff describe this. All I will say is that this has been a welcomed new addition of 10 minutes of my morning routine during the pandemic. Breath in deep, exhale even deeper and don’t rush yourself through the breathing routine.

    10. Affirmations

    The morning solitude has come to an end. To break the silence, say a few gratitudes out loud. Affirmations are a great way to re-enforce positive thoughts and visions in your life. A few examples of what affirmations can be…

  • I will not stress over things I cannot control.
  • I lovingly do everything I can to assist my body in maintaining health.
  • My life is full of amazing opportunities that are ready for me to step into.
  • I’m free to create the life I desire.
  • I have been given endless talents which I will begin to utilize today.

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Take these ten steps and craft your routine, perhaps moving some of them around or adding some other additions that speak to you.

There is no wrong way to do a morning routine. As long as you are allowing your brain to adapt to its functioning form slowly, then you are winning.

*I have created a free 10 step email course helping you craft yours and work through the tough areas in starting your morning routine

Writing by Paul Marlow

“Paul Marlow is a mental health advocate who writes mental health help content to inspire others to find daily actions to get better. You can see more at his site for Never Alone”

How to maintain a healthy outlook in the industry when difficult clients get you down

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Given that our work is centered in our sexual selves, it often feels easier to just ignore bad feelings and hope they go away. But few of us truly have the ability to shake off negative encounters like they never happened. Instead, hurt and insult fester, poisoning our self-esteem, rattling our minds while shutting our bodies down.  – Lola Devina

 

A tweet popped up recently that asked, how do you maintain a healthy outlook when you work day-in and day-out with entitled, toxic, and/or abusive customers. This is such a big and important question. To answer it, I looked to two of my all-time favorite go-to goddesses: Lola Devina and Brené Brown.

 

Sex worker and author, Lola Devina, gives clued-in heartfelt advice about how to cope with the emotional toll of sex work. Brené Brown’s anti-shame work is changing the way our culture thinks about shame and compassion. The following advice is chosen from their work and the work of others.

 

Separating the bad that is thrown at us from the outside world from our own unhelpful beliefs

 

  1. Ask, What is the story that I am telling myself?

 

When something happens that triggers strong emotions, we often immediately create a story to make sense of what happened. These stories are often one-sided worst-case scenarios, and they seldom contain the full truth.  Brené Brown.

 

Brené calls these stories the Stormy First Draft. “SFD is our brain’s way of making sense of something when we don’t have full information. We are a meaning-making species. In the absence of data, we make up stories because having complete information is a self-protective survival skill. But these stories often magnify our fears and anxieties.”

 

Example: A guy on Twitter tweeted some horrible things about me.

 

The story I am telling myself is: He is an asshole. Why is he being so mean? I don’t even know him. ..I must have done something wrong.. at least, I could have handled it better. If only I was (wittier, more professional, better, ______ ), then trolls like him wouldn’t target me.

 

  1. Reality check your story. Often, we fill in information gaps with details that are biased by our fears. Reality checking helps us to separate what they did from what we believe.

 

Reality check: All I know about Twitter guy is that he was being abusive. What I don’t know is if he is an asshole or that I could have done anything differently to stop his abuse.

 

Assumptions about the abusive Twitter guy, our abilities, or our self-worth create an emotional hook that can easily spiral downward. Anger, resentment, and self-criticism can send us into a black hole or exhaust us while we suppress the emotional pain.

 

 

*Helpful extra: Listen to Lola on Anger, Brenè on Stories and Brenè on Shame.

 

 

Getting to know your own emotional hooks

 

  1. Ask, how did the situation make me think about myself?

 

When something bad happens at work, it is natural to feel deflated for a while. But feelings that fester can signal that our own negative self-beliefs have been triggered. What beliefs did this encounter, situation, or bad day bring to the surface for you?

 

The story that I am telling myself: If only I were  …. It would be easier.

What it makes me think about myself: I am not good enough.

 

 

*Helpful extras: read the Science behind Inner critics and Steps to defuse inner critics.

 

 

  1. Use a reality-checking app to unhook from harmful self-beliefs

 

Upsetting self-beliefs are often based on a morsel of truth and a whole lot more of exaggerations, anxious predictions, and/or oversimplification. Use the free app Moodtools Thought Record Diary for Android or Apple.

 

 

  1. Unhook from stigma and shame

Davina explains in her book, Thriving in Sex Work,

..clients show up with all their baggage, expecting us to deal. They want to be turned on; they want to get off. They crave beauty, kink, variety, danger, and role-play.

Often, clients are ashamed of their bodies, their desires, their infidelities and/or their patronage.

Like black holes in reverse, clients bend badness and blame away from themselves. I call it “outsourcing shame.” […] Clients also wrestle with guilt. Many clients are married or partnered or come from religious backgrounds, taking a little taste of something they don’t want anyone to know about. Nobody wants to feel bad while paying to feel good, so they shunt their ick onto us..

Davina offers relief,

It is not nice to be on the receiving end of bad behavior, especially as a reward for doing our jobs so well. In the immediate aftermath of getting slimed by a client, you may well be furious: Listen to Lola on Anger. If you’re feeling ashamed, deflated, or gross: Listen to the shame exercise.

 

*Helpful extras: Read How to break the shame cycle.

 

 

Leaning on your emotional resources

 

  1. Self-care

Davina’s website offers advice from her book. Many of the important subjects, many chapters are free to read or to listen to. Here is an excerpt from, When a client makes you feel like crap.

First: Take care of your body. When we’re humiliated, that hurt has to move through our bodies somatically. Very few of us learn this as children. Instead, we’re taught to rely on our intellect to process bad emotions. But our minds can’t move what’s stored in our muscles and joints and voice boxes and bones. So, as soon as you can:

  • Get right in the shower.Wash the day away.
  • Eat moderately and mindfully, but only if you’re hungry.Don’t starve yourself as punishment or stuff yourself in an attempt to dull the pain.
  • Unless the gym is your happiest place on earth, don’t force yourself through your regular routine.That’s like piling on extra homework when you’re already failing class. You’ll either spend that time zoning out, or counting the seconds until your workout is over—neither is good. The best self-care is to be fully present, addressing your feelings directly.
  • Scream into a pillow, kick a punching bag, take a long walk or bike ride. Play loud music, dance like you don’t care, sing at the top of your lungs. Move hard and fast and long enough so that you’re breathing hard. Wear yourself out with it.
  • While moving, say what you’re feeling out loud: “Scared, scared, scared, scared.” “Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch.” “Pissed, pissed, pissed, pissed.” This lets you fully feel your emotions in your body, throat, and mind, allowing that energy to move through you.
  • Call a buddy, if you can—get yourself some sympathy, by all means.  For some perspective, it can help to ask the question: Am I going to still be mad about this a year from now?

 

  1. Compassion

Compassion means feeling concerned for someone’s suffering and wanting to help. The feeling itself creates mood changing brain chemicals.

Extend compassion to Twitter guy. Yep, that guy.

Davina says,

I know—it’s not fair. Why do we have to be the ones to turn the other cheek when we’re depleted and aggravated and insulted? But as the Buddha said, “You will not be punished for your anger, but by your anger.” When we fight fire with fire, the whole world turns to ash. Instead, we fight fire with water.

To extend compassion, Davina suggests,

Maybe they were in the middle of a shit day far worse than anything you can imagine. Maybe they just lost their job or their grandmother or their dog—send them a blast of unconditional love. That handsy fan with no manners? See them for what they are, someone lost in their neediness, stunted by desire for what feels just out of reach.

Muster what compassion you can manage—people with happy lives don’t act like [that]. Picture your tormentor’s face in front of you, and breathe into a simple prayer of forgiveness and acceptance.

Compassion doesn’t mean that you excuse or put up with bad behavior. Take whatever steps you need to protect yourself. Compassion enables you to let go of anger and resentment that so often leads to burn out, so that you can refocus on caring for yourself.

Extend compassion to yourself, even to your inner critics.

Our inner critics are really just bullies inside us. What is most often true about bullies is that they show anger because they are themselves scared. This is true in the outside world, and this is true in our heads.

Extending compassion to our inner critic doesn’t mean agreeing with it or allowing it to govern us. It means that we listen, understand and gently translate its destructive input into something more constructive.

 

*Helpful extra: Read for steps on How to defuse your inner critics.

 

  1. Practice Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance means that we don’t try to change anything, rather we accept ourselves exactly how we are in this moment. Perhaps the hardest part of this exercise is accepting that so much of clients’ behavior is outside of your control. You may not be able to control what is thrown at you but you can influence how you react to it.

Radical Acceptance is Reminding Yourself Every Day, You Are Fabulous. You Are Loved. You Are Doing Your Best.

Acceptance is not a one-time occurrence. We choose acceptance this moment and then we choose acceptance when we start to struggle and then we choose it again. Radical acceptance is often much harder in practice than it sounds, but it is your best bet at stopping the negative spiral and building resilience in the industry.

 

*Helpful extra: Read How to handle cam loneliness

 

  1. Supportive relationships

Tapping into a supportive relationship, even with just a short phone call, triggers the cuddle hormone, oxytocin, in our brains. It can change our mood in minutes.

Hug someone or cuddle a fur-baby. A 20-second full-body hug or cuddling a pet triggers positive feelings. Even cuddling a favorite stuffed animal can create a sense of well-being.

Get a cam buddy. Davina recommends buddying up with a colleague. Agree to call each other for emotional support or distraction when you are having an off day.

One dear friend of mine is the best at this — whenever I’m in crisis, she doesn’t try to be a mind reader. She simply asks, ‘What do you need from me right now?’ A reality check? Reassurance? Advice? A shoulder to cry on? Active, loving listening? The best way to get the help you crave is to tell people what you need. Don’t assume they know, don’t make them guess.

Be someone’s super awesome support. Or reach out whenever you are feeling low. As well as psychotherapy and coaching, Pineapple Support offers emotional support in the form of 24-hour peer-to-peer chat. You can volunteer any hours that are convenient for you and be an awesome support to your peers.

Connect with your peers and tap into that network of super awesome Pineapple Support just for you. Remember, if you feel overwhelmed or just need to connect with someone, Pineapple Support is here for you. Contact us at PineappleSupport.com.

Virtual Wellness Event For Adult Performers In The UK

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Pineapple Support, the adult industry’s leading mental health non-profit, together with sponsors AdultWork and AWSummit, will be holding an online wellness event specifically aimed at the adult industry in the UK. The three-day event, which will be held from September 23-25, will include live workshops and interactive webinars from Pineapple Support therapists, as well activities such as breathwork, meditation and workouts.  

“We’re really excited to bring this event to the UK,” says Pineapple Support founder Leya Tanit. “We’ll be focusing on self-care, mental and physical well-being and education. There will be presentations from UK-based organizations NUM and Dean Street, as well as legal information from sex worker-postive law firm Gillen De Alwis Solicitors. To top it all off, the event will end with five hours of comedy and music to get  feet moving and faces smiling.” 

Tanit founded Pineapple Support in 2018 after a string of losses in the adult industry from depression and other mental illnesses. The organisation, which is a registered 501(c)3 tax-deductible qualifying charity in the US and a registered charity in the UK, has so far connected nearly nine hundred adult performers with mental health services, including free and low-cost, therapy, counseling and emotional support. 

The three-day Virtual Wellness Event will go live online at 10am BST on September 23rd. Those that wish to register for the event should visit https://pineapplesupport.org/wellness/ for more information. 

 

The following workshops and webinars will be hosted during the event (all times BST): 

September 23 

10am – 10:45am: The Power of Self Hypnosis (with Sinead Rochford) 

11.30pm -12.30pm: National Ugly Mugs (with Dr Raven Bowen, Hannah Wilcox and Rosie Hodsdon) 

12.45am – 1:45pm: Dean Street Sexual Health Clinic (with Rachel Ali) 

2pm – 2:45pm: Pilates Full Body Conditioning (with Ami Collins) 

3pm- 3:45pm: Mental Health in the Adult Industry (with Leya Tanit) 

4pm – 4:45pm: Breathwork and Yoga Nidra for Inner-Healing (with Jess Birks) 

 

September 24 

10am – 10:45 am: Managing Adversities Through Self-Compassion (with Silva Neves) 

11am – 11:45 am: Introduction to Yin Yoga (with Michele Karban) 

12pm- 12:45pm: The Use of Hypnotherapy in Overcoming, Stress, Depression and Anxiety (with George Lewis) 

2pm- 2:45pm: Mindful Eating (with Sofie Every) 

3pm – 3:45pm: EMDR – Treatment for PTSD (with Fulvio Maciaccia) 

4pm-4:45pm: What it Means to be a Pineapple Listener (with Areneae Mactans) 

 

September 25 

10 -10:45am: Navigating Relationship Conflicts — the Top Tips (with Silva Neves) 

11am- 11:45am: Vinyasa Flow Yoga Class to Awaken Your Inner Goddess (with Jess Birks) 

12pm- 12:45pm: Legal Review (with Gillen De Alwis Solicitors) 

2pm-2:45pm: How to Look After Yourself Emotionally in an Uncertain World (with Silva Neves) 

3pm- 3:45pm: Thank You from Pineapple Support 

4pm- 5pm: Live Acoustic Set (with Elijah Miller) 

5 pm – 5:15 pm: Comedy Set (with Dan Nightingale) 

5:15 pm – 5:45pm: Acoustic Set (with Ishod Black) 

5:45pm – 6pm: Comedy Set (with Dan Nightingale) 

6pm-7pm: DJ set (compiled by Sonic Emporium) 

7pm – 9pm: DJ set (compiled by Man Power) 

9pm-10pm: Journey Men DJ Mix 

Pineapple Support, Pornhub To Hold Breathwork Event for International Whores’ Day

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Pineapple Support, the adult industry’s leading mental health nonprofit, will host a special event focused on breathwork, sponsored by Pornhub. The event will take place on June 2nd at 1pm EST, coinciding with International Whore’s Day celebrations.

“Sex-workers can often play the role of therapists, taking on the emotions of clients as well as their emotional struggles,” says breathwork specialist and coach Sapphire. “Breathwork is a magical powerful tool for transformation and healing, which allows us access to inner blockages, negative thoughts, emotions and patterns not easily accessed through traditional therapy. This can lead us to releasing emotional baggage and a release of a shift in old patterns resulting in much needed transformation.”

One person attending the event will be randomly selected to receive $100 of Pornhub merchandise, as well as a course of one-on-one breathwork sessions with Sapphire.

“Each breathwork journey is unique and teaches us how we benefit from breathing fully and consciously, at the same time bringing changes into our lives for the better,” says Tanit. “Breathwork can help reduce the symptoms associated with anxiety, depression, PTSD, ADD and insomnia. Join us on June 2nd when together we can release this energy and unite as a community.”

Pineapple Support was founded in early 2018 by British performer Leya Tanit in response to losses in the adult industry from depression, addiction and other mental illnesses. The organisation, which is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit in the United States and a registered charity in the UK, has so far connected over one thousand adult performers to mental health services, including free and low-cost, therapy, counseling and emotional support.

For more information and to sign-up for the Breathwork Event, please visit https://pineapplesupport.org/breathworks/.