Embracing Shadow Work: A Journey Through Neurodivergence and Self-Discovery

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Shadow work—this concept of exploring the parts of ourselves we often avoid or suppress—has been one of the most transformative tools in my personal growth journey. If you’re unfamiliar with it, shadow work is about facing the “shadow”—the parts of ourselves we tend to reject, ignore, or push down because they feel uncomfortable or don’t fit into our ideal narrative. For many neurodivergent individuals, like myself, this work can be especially profound, uncovering not just personal struggles, but also the unique gifts that come with living with autism and ADHD.

Understanding the Shadow
At its core, shadow work involves examining those suppressed aspects of our psyche—our fears, vulnerabilities, behaviors, and emotions—that we usually don’t want to face. In my experience, these “shadows” are deeply tied to how I perceive and navigate the world as someone with ADHD and autism. Often, the world has a set expectation for how we should behave, think, and respond, and when we fall outside of those norms, it can feel like we’re not measuring up.

For those of us with ADHD or autism, these “shadow” qualities might include traits like impulsivity, hyperfocus, sensory overload, or social struggles. They are not flaws but ways of experiencing the world differently, and much of the shadow work I’ve done has been focused on learning to see these qualities in a new light.

The Power of Self-Reflection
Before I started doing shadow work, I viewed many of my neurodivergent traits as imperfections. My inability to stay focused on one task for long, my intense emotional reactions, or the way social situations drained me felt like things I needed to “fix.” I spent years trying to make myself fit into a mold that just wasn’t designed for me.

Through shadow work, I’ve come to realize that those qualities aren’t mistakes to correct—they are part of who I am, and they can be powerful assets if I learn to embrace them. Shadow work doesn’t just help us confront the parts of ourselves that we wish weren’t there; it encourages us to accept them, to understand where they come from, and to find ways to work with them rather than against them.

My Personal Journey
I’m still on this journey, but I’ve learned that my neurodivergence isn’t something I need to be ashamed of. It’s a unique way of experiencing and interacting with the world, and shadow work has helped me appreciate that. For example, when I’m hyperfocused on a task, I’ve learned to see it as a strength instead of something to feel guilty about. Rather than forcing myself to “snap out of it” when I get absorbed in something, I’ve learned to allow it and use it to my advantage.

On the flip side, when I feel overwhelmed by sensory input or emotional overload, shadow work encourages me to acknowledge these feelings without judgment. I no longer push them down, and instead, I take time to ground myself and process what’s happening in my mind and body. These moments of self-compassion are key to integrating my neurodivergent traits into my life in a healthy way.

How Shadow Work Can Help
Shadow work isn’t a quick fix, but with patience and practice, it can help you reframe how you see yourself and your challenges. Here are a few suggestions if you’re interested in exploring shadow work for yourself, especially if you’re navigating ADHD or autism:

  1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Traits: Start by recognizing the traits you may have been taught to suppress or view negatively. For example, if you have ADHD, embrace your creativity and ability to think outside the box instead of focusing on “lacking focus.” If you’re autistic, celebrate your attention to detail and deep focus on subjects that matter to you.
  2. Journaling and Reflection: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be an effective way to understand your shadows. When you notice feelings of shame, frustration, or inadequacy, write them down and explore why they came up. What triggered those emotions? What part of your neurodivergence is tied to them?
  3. Be Compassionate with Yourself: Shadow work requires a lot of self-compassion. There will be moments where it feels uncomfortable or where you wish you could change aspects of yourself. But instead of pushing those feelings aside, sit with them and try to understand them. Be patient with yourself as you navigate the process.
  4. Seek Support: If you find shadow work difficult, especially when it comes to deep-rooted feelings of shame or misunderstanding, consider seeking professional support. A therapist or counselor who understands ADHD, autism, and shadow work can help you navigate the emotional landscape of these complex feelings.
  5. Celebrate Progress, Not Perfection: Remember, shadow work is a lifelong process. Some days, it will feel overwhelming. Other days, you’ll make huge strides. Celebrate the progress, no matter how small, and acknowledge the courage it takes to face your shadows.

Final Thoughts
Shadow work has taught me that I don’t have to change who I am to be worthy of love, acceptance, and understanding. The parts of me that once felt like burdens are now opportunities for growth. Autism and ADHD are not flaws—they are ways of navigating the world that are just as valuable as any other. Shadow work has helped me embrace my neurodivergence and integrate it into my life, not as something to fix, but as something to understand and appreciate.

If you’re on a similar journey, I encourage you to explore your own shadows with kindness, patience, and an open heart. The process of self-discovery can be transformative, and with time, you’ll see the beauty in the very traits you once thought were “too much” or “too little.” You are enough, just as you are.

With love,

Leya

Why Talking About Yourself is as Good as Sex

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Ever wondered why we enjoy talking about ourselves so much?

Turns out, it’s wired into our brains! The statement “talking about yourself is as good as sex” may be perceived as an exaggeration or a metaphorical expression rather than a literal comparison, but studies from Harvard University show that talking about ourselves activates the same pleasure centers in our brains as eating delicious food or having sex. Yep, sharing our stories literally gives us a natural high!

But there’s more to it than just feeling good. Psychologists say that sharing our personal experiences helps us understand our own lives better and strengthens our connections with others. According to Dr. James W. Pennebaker, an expert in expressive writing, putting our feelings into words can boost self-awareness, lower stress, and improve relationships.

So, what happens when we clam up and keep our stories to ourselves?

Well, it’s not great for our mental health. Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that holding back our emotions can lead to more stress and lower well-being. In other words, bottling up our feelings isn’t doing us any favors.

But when we open up and share our stories with others, something magical happens:

1. **Validation and Connection:** When you share personal experiences, thoughts, and feelings with others, it can lead to a sense of validation and connection. Being heard and understood by someone else can be deeply fulfilling, fostering a sense of intimacy and camaraderie.

2. **Self-Expression:** Talking about yourself allows you to express your identity, values, and beliefs. It provides an opportunity for self-reflection and self-discovery, enabling you to better understand who you are and what matters to you.

3. **Empowerment:** Sharing your experiences and perspectives can be empowering, as it allows you to assert your voice and assert your agency in shaping conversations and relationships. It can build confidence and self-esteem, enhancing your sense of autonomy and control.

4. **Catharsis:** Discussing personal matters can serve as a form of emotional release and catharsis. Opening up about challenges, triumphs, and emotions can help you process and cope with difficult experiences, leading to a sense of relief and emotional well-being.

5. **Social Bonding:** Conversations about oneself often occur within the context of social interactions and relationships. Sharing personal stories and anecdotes can strengthen bonds with others, fostering a sense of belonging and support within social networks.

 

Studies have shown that having meaningful conversations about ourselves can make us happier and more satisfied. It’s like giving ourselves a little emotional boost every time we share a piece of our lives with someone else.

Sharing stories isn’t just about talking; it’s also about listening.

When we really tune in and show interest in other people’s experiences, we build trust and understanding. It’s like a beautiful dance of conversation that brings us closer together and makes our relationships stronger.

While the comparison between talking about oneself and sex might not be exactly like sex, it underscores the importance of meaningful communication and self-expression in human relationships and personal well-being. Both activities involve a deep sense of connection, intimacy, and satisfaction, albeit in different ways. Ultimately, engaging in authentic and meaningful conversations can contribute to a richer and more fulfilling life.

So, the next time you’re itching to share a story or two, go for it! Whether it’s over a beverage with a friend or a cozy chat by the fire, remember that sharing our stories is a special part of being human. Here’s to the joy of storytelling and the connections it brings into our lives. Cheers to you, dear readers, and may your stories always be heard and cherished!

 

If you want like-minded people to talk to, why not join one of our Support Groups. You can sign up here.

Mastering the Basics: A Guide to Effective Communication Skills

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Welcome to a comprehensive guide on mastering basic communication skills!

Whether you’re a seasoned conversationalist or someone looking to sharpen your communication skills, effective communication is the key to success in both personal and professional realms. In the age of information, there’s a wealth of knowledge at our fingertips, so we’ve brought you a curated compilation that covers the essentials. Use these steps to give your communication skills a health check, and enhance your ability to connect, express, and understand one another.

Let’s dive in.

 

1. Start with listening!

Communication is a two-way street, and listening is just as crucial as speaking. According to experts, effective communication starts with truly hearing what the other person is saying. Practice active listening by giving your full attention to the speaker, maintaining eye contact, and nodding to show your engagement. Resist the urge to interrupt and focus on understanding the message being conveyed. Use paraphrasing help show your engagement and understanding, creating a foundation for meaningful conversations.

2. Mind your body language:

Did you know that a significant portion of communication is non-verbal? Numerous studies emphasize the impact of non-verbal signals on our interactions. Paying attention to your body language and that of others is crucial. Positive gestures, open posture, and appropriate facial expressions all contribute to a more compelling and authentic communication style, fostering a welcoming and inclusive atmosphere.

3. Choose your words wisely:

The power of words cannot be overstated. Words have the power to build bridges or create barriers. Be mindful of your vocabulary, and aim for clarity and simplicity. Avoid jargon, where possible, and opt for clear and concise language instead. AWhether in a professional setting or a personal conversation, keeping it straightforward is key. Remember, effective communication is about being understood, not showcasing an extensive vocabulary.

4. Practice empathy:

Empathy is the secret sauce of effective communication. Understanding and acknowledging others’ emotions and perspectives creates a connection. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to understand their perspective. This not only improves your ability to connect with others but also creates more positive and collaborative interactions.

5. Be conscious of your tone:

Your tone of voice can convey as much meaning as the words you choose.  Being mindful of your tone, ensures that it aligns with the message you want to convey A friendly and approachable tone can make even the toughest conversations more manageable, and turn them into opportunities for growth.

6. Embrace feedback:

Feedback is a valuable tool for self-improvement. Encourage those around you to provide constructive feedback on your communication style. Seeking feedback from friends or colleagues allows you to identify areas for improvement. Use this input as a guide to hone your communication skills and catapult your abilities to new heights.

7. Learn from others:

Observe effective communicators in your personal and professional circles. Take note of their techniques, such as how they handle challenging situations, maintain composure, and convey ideas. Learning from those who excel in communication can provide valuable insights and inspiration.

 

Remember, communication is an evolving skill, and continuous improvement is the key.

By actively incorporating these tips into your daily interactions, you’ll find yourself connecting more deeply, resolving conflicts more smoothly, and building stronger relationships. Happy communicating!

 

View our webinars and workshops on communication skills by visiting our YouTube page. You can also view our upcoming support groups, webinars and workshops on the website.

 

Photo by Christina on Unsplash