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Active Listening: How to become a better listener

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I’m really grateful to have people in my life that I can talk to when I’m having a hard time. But sometimes I find it difficult to talk to the people that know me best. Their love for me and desire to help me means that they give advice, and share their thoughts and opinions, even when they haven’t been asked for them. Often I can end a conversation feeling like I’ve talked a lot, but I haven’t been heard. I haven’t been listened to.

In our everyday conversations, we can have a tendency to concentrate on thinking about what we are going to say next or simply waiting to talk without engaging with what has previously been said. Additionally, if we are not mindful, we can enter into a conversation ready to provide advice or solutions without asking if that is what our conversation partner wants. When we intentionally give space for the other person to speak and encourage them to give further details as they feel comfortable, by asking open questions, we can build connection, strengthen bonds and deepen our relationships. Allowing space in conversation and asking open questions are some of the skills that are the foundations of Active Listening.

Active Listening requires us to pay close attention to the speaker so that we can absorb, comprehend and reflect what they are saying. When we focus on doing these things we demonstrate empathy, compassion, understanding and respect.

Pineapple Support knows that there are people working within the adult industry that feel isolated and lonely, even though they may have lots of friends or industry connections. Many adult industry workers lack spaces where they can talk freely whilst knowing that they are not going to be judged, and that is why Pineapple Support set up a volunteer-led, 24/7 listening service using the online emotional support platform, 7 Cups of Team. All the volunteers are members of the public and adult industry professionals who are trained in Active Listening especially to help our community.

Through the Pineapple Support 24/7 listening service, anyone who is working in the online adult industry, that wants to talk about whatever is on their mind, can reach out to a trained, compassionate listener. It’s completely anonymous, and there’s no judgement and no problem solving. Just a space to help you clear your head.

Equally, anyone can become a Pineapple Support listener. There’s a short, online training programme which you can work through at your own pace. Once you have successfully completed the course, you can start volunteering straight away. The platform works with any web browser or you can download the app and provide support direct from your mobile phone.

Pineapple Support is always looking to welcome new volunteer listeners. If you’d like to learn or develop Active Listening skills, this is great way to do it. We’re looking forward to you joining us.

Keeping Calm Under Pressure

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Remaining calm under pressure can be challenging, but it’s a valuable skill that can be developed with practice. Here are some strategies to help you stay calm in high-pressure situations:

Recognize and accept your emotions: It’s normal to feel anxious or stressed in high-pressure situations. Acknowledge your emotions and accept them without judgment. Remember that it’s okay to feel this way, and it doesn’t mean you’re incapable or weak.

Take deep breaths: Deep breathing is a simple yet effective technique to calm your mind and body. Slowly inhale through your nose, hold your breath for a few seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Focus on your breath and repeat this several times until you feel more centred.

Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves staying present and aware of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations in the present moment. When you feel pressure building up, take a moment to observe your thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them. This can help you maintain a sense of calm and perspective.

Challenge negative thoughts: High-pressure situations can trigger negative thoughts and self-doubt. Challenge these thoughts by questioning their accuracy and replacing them with more positive and realistic ones. Remind yourself of your capabilities and past successes.

Break it down: When faced with a daunting task or a high-pressure situation, break it down into smaller, manageable steps. Focus on one step at a time, rather than becoming overwhelmed by the entire situation. This approach can help you stay focused and reduce anxiety.

Prepare and practice: Preparation is key to handling pressure effectively. Whether it’s a presentation, an interview, or a challenging task, make sure you are well-prepared. Practice beforehand, visualize yourself performing successfully, and rehearse your responses. The more familiar you are with the situation, the more confident you’ll feel.

Utilize positive self-talk: Use positive affirmations and self-talk to boost your confidence and maintain a calm mindset. Remind yourself of your strengths, previous accomplishments, and your ability to handle challenging situations. Replace negative self-talk with encouraging and supportive statements.

Seek support: Don’t hesitate to reach out for support when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or mentor who can provide guidance, encouragement, or a fresh perspective. Sometimes, simply expressing your concerns can help relieve some of the pressure.

Take care of yourself: Prioritize self-care, especially during stressful periods. Get enough sleep, eat nourishing meals, engage in physical activity, and make time for activities that help you relax and recharge. Taking care of your physical and mental well-being will improve your resilience and ability to handle pressure.

Remember, staying calm under pressure is a skill that develops over time. Be patient with yourself and practice these strategies consistently. With time and effort, you can become better at maintaining your composure in high-pressure situations. Helping yourself to remain calm usually means others will respond better.

 

Pineapple Support offers numerous workshops to help you deal with the pressures of work and life in general. Don’t leave it until you are drowning in problems or feel like you are going to explode. Take time out to help yourself.

 

Should you share your Life on Social Media?

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Reaching out and providing support at anytime is important but even more so now.

Working from home has never felt so isolating and for most of us, admitting we are lonely and perhaps need help is one of the last things on our mind. For some unknown reason, that feeling of self-worth gets all screwed up in our head and finds its way out somewhat bitter and twisted. Sometimes we believe that everyone else should know how we are feeling, even though they don’t actually live inside our head!

Social media has a big part to play in todays world as we assume that once we have pressed ‘Enter’, all of our friends and all of the friends of those friends will see our post and come rushing to the rescue. The truth is that very few people actually see your latest ‘out-pouring’, and those that do find it hard to accept and respond to such an open form of counselling.

It is also increasingly difficult as you get older to accept help, we seem to revert back to those teenage years where we believed that nobody understood us and everyone was in fact out to make our lives difficult. Being independent is fine (up to a point) but at some time in our lives we all need a little bit of help, or a shoulder to cry on.

Knowing who you can trust and speak to about such personal matters is the first key to being able to cope with any kind of pressure. You shouldn’t wait until you need the help either. Find out who your real friends are by really thinking about your relationship with them.

You may share all the positive things in your life with a group of people or one person in particular and all the negative issues with another. You may even be the type of person who doesn’t ever share anything about their private life with friends ever.

Whichever group you belong to and especially if you are on your own, you do need support from time to time.

Pineapple Support have made it their mission to provide free support and therapy for all persons working in the online adult industry. It doesn’t matter about your gender, sexual orientation, ethnic origin, social status or age. They provide support 24/7 and their team of sex-worker friendly therapists offer face to face, or online therapy to anyone who needs it.

Their ever-growing team are always looking for ways to raise extra funds so that they can provide even more help for professional coaching, therapy and counselling for those who require help and support.

Do what you can to help this amazing cause.

Love to you ALL

Carla Sez x

Bea’s Story

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I’m known across the Internet as Bea Dux or HoneyBea depending on where you look. I’m originally from Lancashire but now live and mostly work in London. I began working in the sex industry as a retail worker for Ann Summers, then began modelling and have since done cam work, worked for websites such as MyFansPage and SuicideGirls and now also work a lot as a photographer/videographer for other sex workers.

I began to get involved in Sex Work activism after the FOSTA/SESTA bills went through in America. Seeing the ignorance (wilful or otherwise) surrounding the subject of sex workers and sw safety made me want to DO something. I uploaded few (admittedly shoddy) videos to youtube hoping to educate, I began openly and regularly using my social platforms (@itsBeaDux) to speak on the issues and decided to create some form of clothing that people could wear to show their support to sex work and the workers within the industry.

Originally TheSafewordProject was an idea I had a few years ago. It was going to be a website filled with information, recourses and contacts to help sex workers, I got a quote from a few web developers and started saving up. Not long afterwards, I found you guys! Pineapple Support was doing pretty much everything I wanted to do, from providing mental health support as well as tons of other recourses for workers. I figured, rather than having several separate sites, we stand a better chance of helping as many people as possible if we all work together. It made far much more sense to send you all the support I possibly could.

So, the store ’TheSafewordProject.com’ is currently owned and run by myself, and the packaging and posting is currently done by me and my lovely mum (I travel a lot with work and she offered to be a stable base for all of the stock. Bless her). ALL money made from the store is put right back into it, as well as having stickers printed (that you can usually spot around London/Birmingham/Manchester) and business cards with the message ‘Someone you know is a sex worker’ on them, left at a ton of small shops, bars and cafes etc. Together, me and my mum have managed to send out LOADS of orders and it’s been wonderful!

Recently, a protest organised by my dear friend Rebecca Crow happened outside instagram offices in London (which went brilliantly!) and it seemed wanted to wear their own Safeword merch! Because of that boost in sales, a lot of money has gone right back into making more clothing and stocking up on original designs; so if anyone fancies treating themselves, and supporting Pineapple Support in the process, get yourself something from the store!

The money Safeword has accumulated is slowly ticking over and I thought I’d send over a donation to Pineapple now as I couldn’t wait anymore! Hopefully there will be a lot more to come in the future.

Thank you for all the work you do. Proud to support.

Bea Dux
@itsBeaDux

Pineapple Support, Blue Pearl Offer Free Adult Biz Counseling

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Pineapple Support has renewed its partnership with industry therapist Jasmine Johnson (MSW, MA, LCSW) of Blue Pearl Therapy to host two free five and four-week online support groups for adult industry performers — one for survivors of sexual trauma and one centered on grief and loss, beginning August 7th and 21st.

“We hope these sessions will help performers build strong bonds and develop an ongoing support network,” said Leya Tanit, founder and president of Pineapple Support. “Jasmine was one of the very first therapists to offer her services to Pineapple Support. She knows how important it is for performers who have experienced trauma and grief to talk with others with similar backgrounds.”

Blue Pearl Therapy is a sex-worker-aware, stigma-free therapeutic practice that provides both online and offline therapy and coaching. Johnson is a licensed clinical social worker and gerontologist providing therapeutic services related to PTSD, depression and anxiety for over 15 years.

Tanit launched Pineapple Support in response to a string of losses in the adult industry from depression and other mental illness. In its first year alone, Pineapple Support has connected over 250 adult performers to mental health services including free and low-cost, therapy, counseling and emotional support.

“As an active clinical therapist and adult entertainer myself, I know firsthand the challenges that can accompany accessing mental health support,” Johnson said. “I am elated to partner with Pineapple Support to help bridge the gap between mental health resources and sex workers.”

Johnson said performers can expect to meet online weekly with peers and a sex worker-friendly therapist to discuss the impact of grief and sexual trauma, including coping skills. Performers can expect a judgment-free safe space where the only thing anyone needs to have in common is being a member of the adult industry community.

“One of the hardest things that adult performers face is stigma from the therapeutic community,” Tanit explained. “We need to meet performers on their own terms, and in an environment that understands their needs.”

For more information, click here.

WeCamgirls supports Pineapple

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WeCamgirls is promoting Pineapple support on their website to help get the word out as well as to recruit new volunteer listeners. The models on the site understand and can relate to the hardships some have to overcome in the adult industry to get the feeling of acceptance, but also the mental problems that will manifest when these hardships are not overcome.

“Yes”, Tristan said, “we are very glad we can help and promote pineapple support. It’s a great initiative and we want models to know that there is an accessible and friendly place to go to. Models need to know that through Pineapple support they can get free access to counseling and emotional support that is available 24/7 via online chat.”

“Working in the adult industry is tough. People are biased about sexworkers and cammodels have to deal with trolls on a daily basis. It’s easy to say, “Hey just ignore them and spend your energy on people that like you”, but this is just not how the world works. We are only humans and it matters to you, whether you like it or not, what people say.”

The WeCamgirls community has over 20,000 models and was created to give cammodels “a home”. All the serious and not so serious topics are discussed on the forum and experiences are shared in the review section.

Becoming Aware Of Suicide

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As September draws to a close I thought it only right to speak about my becoming aware of suicide and all that I have learned since starting my journey with Pineapple Support back in January 2018.

Suicide awareness… I used to think this was a ridiculous statement… everyone is aware that suicide exists. But now, after everything I have learned over the past 9 months I understand that suicide awareness is not about being aware of the existence of suicide, it is about being aware of why it happens and being aware of what people go through, not just those willing to take their own life, but also those who are left behind.

“A selfish act”, I hang my head in shame when I admit to you now that this was my attitude. “How could someone do this to their family?” “Do they not think about all the people that they are leaving behind?”.
Yes, when a person is at a point in their life where they feel that death is their only escape, they most likely are thinking of themselves, or they could be thinking that the world would be better off without them. Either way they are not thinking logically about the devastation and broken hearts left behind. They are in an introspective world where the dark voices in their heads are the only ones they can hear. The feeling of anger at those who chose to leave us is a perfectly natural emotion, a part of the healing process and not one that should be brushed aside.

So many people have reached out to me personally to tell me their stories and I feel incredibly privileged that they have all been so open and candid when sharing their experiences. Opening up about not only the combination of emotions felt but also the legal and financial implications. It has been an education and one that I am extremely appreciative of.

It was in responses to the shocking number of suicides in the adult industry last year and the beginning of this year that Pineapple Support was launched. I hope with all my heart that with this education and the continued support of those inside and outside of the industry, we are able to offer guidance, therapy and hope to all those effected by such tragic experiences.

Love and Pineapples,
Leya Tanit

Three-day Whirlwind Through Prague Gets Performers One Step Closer

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For those outside the adult industry, it’s important to point out that the executives working in this industry are by and large huge supporters of the talented people who consistently turn out the most amazing content for the massive worldwide audience of porn fans. The industry sustains itself with a circuit of business-focused tradeshows that include the one Pineapple recently attended in Prague.

“It was quite a whirlwind of activity,” explained Pineapple CEO Leya Tanit. “From a full slate of meetings each day with producers, directors and service providers, to the evening award shows and activities throughout the day I managed to meet with dozens of top quality companies and the amazing people who manage them at every level. Presenting the Pineapple mission is a passion of mine, and I can say that the enthusiasm and receptive remarks we got back in response to what we are doing was extraordinary.”

The industry is well aware that the mental, physical and social health of sex workers and performers is a vital part of what makes the industry function. Many of the execs we spoke with are former performers or are very close to a number of performers, which gives them an important amount of perspective on the urgent issues facing some of todays top starlets.

“As one company owner said to me, ‘we don’t make cars or widgets like other industries, we are the most intimately human sector and our interest in the health of our performers goes far beyond any financial or commercial limits. We want every consenting adult who participates in our films or watches them from home to know that each actor and actress are cared for to the full extent we can foster on their behalf.’ – and that sentiment was echoed by nearly everyone I spoke with during the Prague tradeshow, said Ms. Tanit.”

Pineapple will continue to remain very active throughout the year at a variety of shows inside and outside the adult industry, providing a presence and a voice for performers who often choose not to attend. If you would like more information about our upcoming schedule, to arrange meetings or wish to discuss issues you would like to see raised by our staff during future events please contact us today. We look forward to hearing from you and working with you to ensure the highest degree of safety, security and respect for everyone who works in the adult marketplace whether they have their clothes on or off while doing so.