Building a Support System in the Adult Industry

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Emma is an International Life Coach, friend and ally to those working within the adult industries. You can contact her here – www.imperfectly-you.com

 

In the world of adult entertainment, performers often face unique challenges and complexities that can make it difficult to find a strong support system. Maintaining a healthy work-life balance, dealing with stigma, and managing relationships can be particularly challenging. That’s why it’s crucial to explore the importance of having a network of supportive friends and allies who understand the challenges of this industry.

The Isolation Dilemma

The adult industry can be a solitary place. Many performers lead double lives, keeping their profession hidden from their friends and family due to the persistent stigma associated with the work. This isolation can lead to feelings of loneliness, anxiety, and even depression. The need for a supportive network becomes all the more critical.

Understanding and Empathy

Having friends and allies who understand the unique challenges of the adult industry can provide a sense of relief and belonging. These individuals offer empathy, as they’ve likely faced similar issues. They understand the stigma, the struggles with work-life balance, and the difficulties of maintaining personal relationships. They can provide invaluable advice, share experiences, and be a source of genuine empathy and understanding.

Finding Supportive Friends

Building a support system starts with finding the right people who can be there for you. Here’s how to go about it:

  1. Online Communities: Seek out online forums, social media groups, or private communities where individuals in the adult industry connect. At Imperfectly You we have a private and friendly community where sex workers can share experiences, gain advice and form valuable connections.
  2. Attend Industry Events: Many adult entertainment events, conferences, and trade shows offer opportunities to meet and connect with peers. These events can help you establish a sense of community and build lasting relationships with those who understand your world. We recently attended XBIZ Amsterdam and met so many wonderful people!
  3. Reach Out to Trusted Peers: Over time, you may come to know peers in the industry whom you trust. Opening up to them about your challenges can lead to deep, supportive friendships. Sharing your experiences can be liberating and strengthen your connection with others.
  4. Seek Professional Help: Sometimes, the support of friends may not be enough. Consider reaching out to therapists or counselors through Pineapple Support who specialize in working with people in the adult industry. They can offer a non-judgmental space for you to discuss your feelings and challenges.

 

Benefits of a Supportive Network

Reduced Stigma: When you have friends and allies who understand your work, it can help reduce the stigma you may face from others. Knowing that you have people who accept you for who you are can boost your self-esteem and self-worth.

 

Mental Health: A supportive network can be a lifeline for your mental health. It offers a safe space to express your feelings, seek advice, and gain emotional support during tough times. Within our network mental health is at the forefront of our ethos – how can we be great performers if we don’t feel great ourselves? You come first and work comes second.

 

Professional Growth: Your network can be a valuable resource for career growth. You can learn from others’ experiences and insights, helping you navigate the industry more successfully. Our daily group chat is filled with amazing tips and tricks to help you succeed in this industry.

 

Healthy Relationships: Friends who understand your profession are more likely to offer advice on managing personal relationships and maintaining a work-life balance. Their guidance can be priceless. Within our network we meet monthly over zoom forming real friendships between real people.

 

Mutual Support: Remember, your friends and allies need your support too. The give-and-take nature of these relationships can create a strong bond that benefits all involved.

 

In Conclusion

Building a support system in the adult industry is not just beneficial; it’s often essential for your well-being and professional success. The understanding and empathy offered by friends and allies who share your experiences can help you navigate the challenges unique to the industry, reduce the stigma you face, and ultimately lead a more fulfilling life. Seek out these connections, both online and in-person, and remember that there are people who genuinely understand and care about you as a person, not just your profession.

 

Life Coach Emma x

Is your work/life balance out of whack?

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Emma is an International Life Coach, friend and ally to those working within the adult industries. You can contact her here – www.imperfectly-you.com

 

In a world that often blurs the lines between work and personal life, the importance of maintaining a healthy work-life balance is so important. This holds true across all professions, including sex work. The unique challenges and dynamics of this industry make achieving balance all the more vital. Let’s delve into why work-life balance is crucial for sex workers, and how it can be achieved.

1. Preserving Mental and Emotional Well-being:

Engaging in sex work can be emotionally demanding. The intimate nature of the interactions and the potential for encountering difficult or complex situations can take a toll on your mental health. Establishing clear boundaries between work and personal life can help you prevent emotional burnout and fatigue. By allocating time and space to focus on personal well-being, you can recharge and process your emotions in a healthy way. Taking time for yourself matters!

2. Ensuring Physical Health:

Whether sex work involves physical interactions or not, the stressors of the profession can impact your physical health. Erratic schedules, long hours, sitting on a bed all day, contorted into strange positions and using toys regularly can have an effect on your body. Checking in with how you feel physically and noticing when it may be time to rest is crucial. A balanced routine that includes regular exercise/movement, proper nutrition, and sufficient rest is essential for maintaining your physical health.

3. Nurturing Relationships:

Building and nurturing personal relationships can be challenging when coping with the demands of sex work. A healthy work-life balance allows time to be spent with your friends, family, and partners too. It can be tempting to work those extra hours in the evening instead of seeing the ones you love but your close relationships can offer a support system and sense of belonging for you during challenging times.

4. Avoiding Isolation:

The nature of sex work often necessitates secrecy and perhaps working alone most days, which can lead to feelings of isolation. Isolation, in turn, can negatively impact your mental health. A balanced life encourages social interactions and connections outside of your professional space. Engaging in hobbies, social activities, and generally just doing the things you enjoy with others can counteract the isolating effects of leading a double life.

5. Enhancing Productivity and Focus:

When work and personal life become intertwined, it becomes challenging to dedicate focused time to either. Sometimes you may get the feeling of constantly ‘chasing your tail’, not able to wholeheartedly put yourself into work OR just relax. By setting clear boundaries and allocating specific times for work-related activities, you can enhance your productivity during work hours and fully engage in personal activities during your downtime without feeling guilty.

6. Sustaining Longevity:

Without proper work-life balance, the risk of burning out or experiencing emotional exhaustion increases significantly. By prioritising your well-being, you can create a more sustainable and fulfilling career in the long run.

7. Empowerment and Self-Worth:

Achieving work-life balance is an act of empowerment. It communicates to yourself that personal well-being and happiness hold inherent value. By practising self-care and setting boundaries, you can reinforce your self-worth and feel more in control.

In conclusion, work-life balance is a critical aspect for you! By prioritising self-care, setting boundaries, and nurturing personal relationships, you can navigate the unique challenges of your profession while maintaining your mental, emotional, and physical health.

How do you manage your work/life balance?

 

Life Coach Emma x

Do you feel like you’re living a double life?

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Emma is an International Life Coach, friend and ally to those working within the adult industries. You can contact her here – www.imperfectly-you.com

 

The Choice for Transparency :

At a time when our personal lives are increasingly shared and documented on social media, some sex workers have chosen to embrace a path of transparency and openness about their profession.

These individuals often find empowerment in breaking down the societal stigma associated with sex work. They advertise their services boldly on various online platforms, share their experiences through blogs and social media accounts, and have open conversations with their family and friends about their chosen profession. Their decision to be public about their work reflects a desire for authenticity and a drive to challenge societal norms.

For these sex workers, the journey to public visibility has not been without its challenges. They face judgement and backlash from those who hold more traditional views, and they grapple with the ongoing fight against the pervasive stigma surrounding their occupation. Yet, their commitment to openness serves as a beacon of hope for dismantling these prejudices. By putting a human face on sex work, they are raising awareness, fostering understanding, and advocating for the rights and dignity of all individuals engaged in this line of work.

 

Embracing Anonymity :

On the opposite end of the spectrum, some sex workers opt for anonymity, carefully guarding their secret from all but a select few. These individuals recognize the weight of societal judgement and the potential repercussions that might come from openly acknowledging their involvement in the industry. To maintain a sense of normalcy in their personal lives, they present a different face to the world – one that conforms to societal expectations and avoids the harsh spotlight of scrutiny.

For them, the double life becomes a coping mechanism, allowing them to navigate the complexities of their profession while preserving a semblance of privacy and safety. Balancing between two identities, they navigate the challenges of compartmentalization, carefully choosing who to confide in about their reality. This path may involve creating elaborate narratives to explain their income or time commitments, further underscoring the lengths they go to maintain their chosen level of secrecy.

 

The Spectrum of Experience

Across these potential situations lies a vast spectrum of experiences that encompass the world of sex work. From the outwardly open sex worker to the individual whose parallel life is a closely guarded secret…the range of situations and motivations is as diverse as humanity itself. Some may engage in sex work out of necessity, while others find empowerment and fulfillment in their chosen profession.

No matter where they fall on this spectrum, the shared thread of leading a double life often binds them together. Navigating the intricacies of maintaining separate identities (personal and professional), balancing societal expectations, and grappling with the internal conflicts that can arise is no small feat. The journey can be rife with emotional challenges, as well as moments of triumph when they decide to assert our truth in the face of adversity.

The decision to be public or anonymous is a deeply personal one, influenced by a myriad of factors including societal norms, legal considerations, and personal values. Whether you choose to be an advocate for change by embracing transparency or seek refuge in the shadows of anonymity, the courage and strength required to work in this field should not be underestimated. It is a reminder that every individual’s journey is unique, and your choices deserve respect and understanding.

No matter where you find yourself on the spectrum of sex work visibility, the pursuit of authenticity remains a universal desire. Striking a balance between the various facets of your life, even as you navigate the challenges of leading a double life, is possible. Here are some strategies to help you live authentically, no matter your chosen level of openness:

  1. Self-Awareness and Reflection: Take time to reflect on your motivations, values, and goals. Understand why you’ve chosen the level of visibility that you have. This self-awareness can help you align your actions with your personal values and make intentional decisions about how to present yourself to the world.
  2. Boundary Setting: Whether you’re fully open about your sex work or keeping it private, establish clear boundaries between your personal and professional lives. Clearly define how much information you’re comfortable sharing with different people.
  3. Selective Disclosure: For those who prefer to keep their sex work private, consider identifying a trusted circle of friends or family members to whom you can confide in. Having a support system can provide a space where you can be your authentic self without fear of judgement.
  4. Education and Advocacy: If you’re open about your involvement in sex work, consider using your platform to educate others about the realities of the industry, dispel myths, and advocate for the rights and well-being of sex workers. This proactive approach can empower you and contribute to positive change.
  5. Seek Support: Engaging with others who share similar experiences can be incredibly validating and empowering. Online communities, support groups, and advocacy organisations can offer a safe space to connect, share, and learn from one another.
  6. Prioritise Mental Health: Regardless of your chosen level of visibility, the emotional toll of leading a double life can be significant. Prioritise your mental health by seeking supportive communities, practising self-care, and developing coping strategies to manage stress and emotional challenges.
  7. Authentic Self-Care: Incorporate activities and practices into your life that help you reconnect with your authentic self. This could include pursuing hobbies, spending time with loved ones, or engaging in activities that bring you joy outside of your professional identity.
  8. Embrace Flexibility: Understand that your level of visibility might evolve over time. As you grow, your comfort and willingness to share aspects of your life may change. Embrace this fluidity and adjust your approach as needed.
  9. Challenge Internalised Stigma: If you’re struggling with feelings of shame or guilt related to your involvement in sex work, work on challenging those internalized stigmas. Recognize that your worth is not defined by your profession, and seek out affirming perspectives. You could also speak to a professional who can help you work through these feelings.
  10. Celebrate Small Victories: Living authentically, especially in the face of societal challenges, is an ongoing journey. Celebrate the small victories, whether that’s having an honest conversation with a friend or family member or advocating for change in your community.

In the end, the pursuit of authenticity is a deeply personal journey. While the circumstances and choices of sex workers may vary widely, the shared goal of living authentically bridges the gaps between these experiences.

By honouring your personal values, setting healthy boundaries, seeking support, and advocating for change when possible, you can navigate the complexities of working within the sex industry while still remaining true to yourself.

Remember that your journey is valid, and you have the power to shape your narrative on your own terms.

 

Life Coach Emma x

The Importance of Creating a Work-Life Balance

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We can all struggle with our work-life balance, especially if we work from home. There are times when it’s hard to even remember to eat. At other times, we feel like we would rather do the housework than deal with our paid work duties.
It’s easy to find ourselves in a place whereby we no longer even recognise the difference between work and our real life, thus creating an inequality in our work-life balance. The longer it continues, the harder it can be to even acknowledge that there is an issue.
Some people find that taking a break once or twice a year, to go on holiday and recharge the batteries, is enough. However for those working from home and/or running their own business, find it much harder to switch off and rarely go away for complete rest breaks, or holidays.

Creating a work-life balance is essential for maintaining overall well-being and ensuring that both your professional and personal lives are fulfilling. Here are some strategies to help you achieve a better work-life balance:

·         Set clear boundaries
Clearly define your working hours and personal time. Establish boundaries with your employer, colleagues, and clients to ensure that your personal time is respected.

·         Learn to say no
Don’t take on more than you can handle. Be selective about additional commitments and learn to say no to requests that will overwhelm your schedule or compromise your personal time.

·         Plan and organize
Develop effective planning and organizational systems to manage your time efficiently. Use calendars, to-do lists, and productivity tools to prioritize tasks and minimize wasted time.

·         Make time for self-care
Regularly engage in activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as meditation, exercise, reading, or spending time in nature.

·         Embrace flexibility
Whenever possible, seek flexible work arrangements that allow you to balance work and personal commitments more effectively.

·         Set boundaries with family and friends
Ensure your loved ones understand the importance of your work commitments and the need for undisturbed work hours. Also, communicate the value of your personal time to them.

·         Prioritize and delegate
Identify your most important tasks and focus on them first. Learn to delegate tasks that can be handled by others, whether at work or home, to lighten your workload.

·         Limit distractions
Minimize distractions at work and home to increase productivity and efficiency. This will allow you to get work done faster, leaving more time for your personal life.

·         Unplug from technology
Disconnect from work-related technology during your personal time to reduce stress and create mental space for relaxation.

·         Communicate with your employer and colleagues
If you find yourself overwhelmed with work, discuss your concerns with your employer or team members. They may be able to offer support or make adjustments to your workload.

·         Avoid overcommitting
Be realistic about what you can accomplish in both your professional and personal life. Overcommitting can lead to burnout and impact your overall well-being.

 

Remember that achieving a work-life balance is an ongoing process, and it may require adjustments as your circumstances change. Be patient with yourself and make small changes to gradually create a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Don’t be afraid of asking for help and never feel guilty about scheduling time for yourself. Pineapple offers various types of support for well-being and your mental and physical health. Remember, someone is only a phone call away.

Stay Safe x

A Magical Hogwarts Workout : Unlocking the Mood-Boosting Power of Exercise – The Cam Girl and The Coach

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Emma is an International Life Coach, friend and ally to those working within the adult industries. You can contact her here – www.imperfectly-you.com

 

The Cam Model story –

The client entered an exclusive chat…

C : ‘Can you do a role play for me?’

‘Erm sure’ I replied…only 1 week into my new camming job

C : ‘I’d love to do a Harry Potter Scene, can you be Hermione and I’ll be the gym teacher?’

‘Yes great’ I said, ‘so how should we start?’

C : ‘You’re in a gym class at Hogwarts school, and I’m about to put you through a sweaty workout – are you sure you’re ready?’

I replied ‘yes of course!’ I also felt pretty smug, this client didn’t know that I was absolutely obsessed with exercise and loved nothing more than a hard-core gym sesh…there’s no way he would break me. I was SO ready…

Half an hour in and we had wall sits (on a dildo) , burpees (whilst sucking a dildo) and full squat reps…yes you’ve guessed it ON TO A DILDO.

My god this guy was relentless, I was absolutely pouring in sweat, mascara melting down my face but adamant that I wouldn’t call for mercy. When I agreed to do this exclusive block session I forgot that it wasn’t going to be just a workout and would obviously involve some sort of sex work – duh, god I was naive in my first week of my new job.

After 45 minutes of a gruelling sweaty dildo fuelled HIIT workout the session finally came to an end with the client finally requesting I scream,

‘I’m Hermione the Hogwarts Gym Slut and I want you to penetrate me with your magical wand dark lord!!!’

Thank fuck that was over….

Afterwards I was swiftly left with a message in my inbox announcing my acceptance into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry, I’d passed the test. This certificate was attached.

 

The effort of this client really was amazing

Even though it was very sweaty, gruelling and tough, the endorphins were flowing and I felt AMAZING. Why is it that exercise can make us feel so goddamn good?!

 

Thoughts from the coach – 

The very first thing I’ll ask a client if they are suffering from low mood is – are you active?

It plays a HUGE part in how we feel about ourselves and the world around us.

Engaging in physical activity triggers the release of chemicals in your brain that contribute to a profound sense of well-being, bolstering self-esteem, improving concentration, quality of sleep, and overall mood.

I personally use exercise to manage my OCD. I had suffered with this since I was a child. After taking up regular exercise in my mid 20’s (I’m now 35) my OCD has been practically non existent. You can read more about my story with Crossfit & OCD here.

Yes my vice was Crossfit, but you don’t have to be as extreme. It can be as varied as a walk in the park, dancing in your living room or gentle stretches.

So, if you’re new to exercise or just starting again what can you do to help yourself?

 

  • Start slowly – don’t push yourself too hard at the beginning. Begin with short sessions and low intensity to give your body time to adapt.
  • Find a workout buddy or a class – Exercising with a friend or in a group can provide motivation, support, and make the experience more enjoyable.
  • Choose activities you enjoy: Find physical activities that you genuinely enjoy doing. It could be dancing, swimming, hiking, cycling, or even a team sport. When you have fun, it becomes easier to stay motivated.
  • Set reminders: Put exercise sessions in your calendar or set reminders on your phone to help you stay on track.
  • Track your progress: Seeing yourself improving is one of the greatest motivators!
  • Get enough rest: Allow your body to recover by getting adequate sleep and incorporating rest days into your exercise routine, this is so important.

Check in with your mind: How did you feel before and after, has your mood improved?

*If you experience pain or discomfort, take a break and consult a healthcare professional if needed.
**dildo also optional

Remember, the key is to start small, stay consistent, and gradually build up your exercise routine. It’s not about perfection; it’s about progress and taking care of your body and mind.
Tomorrow’s ‘you’ will thank you!

Life Coach Emma x

Finding Strength in Slow Times: The Unwavering Resilience of Cam Models – The Cam Girl and the Coach

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Emma is an International Life Coach, friend and ally to those working within the adult industries. You can contact her here – www.imperfectly-you.com

 

Sarah’s story – 

I went from making $250 in an hour to $39 in an hour overnight.

In the business of online camming this is just the way the cookie crumbles.

One day you’re smashing your personal targets and the next there’s virtual tumbleweed blowing through your chat room. Not a soul willing to spend any money with you.

You’re doing the exact same thing you usually do, chatting to customers and giving off the energy that your customers usually LOVE.

When I’m experiencing periods of low income, sometimes it’s difficult to not think it’s my fault. Is it something that I’m doing wrong?

This isn’t like a 9 to 5 where if I’m having an off day I show up, do the bare minimum and still get paid the same.

If I don’t show up and give it my all – I don’t get paid, and sometimes even that isn’t enough. This is why I think that resilience is one of the key traits needed to work in this industry.

What can we do to help ourselves be more resilient during times like these?


Thoughts from the Coach – 

The more than likely reality is that things may be slow due to other reasons that are out of your control. The cam website may be sending less traffic your way, it’s a time of the month where customers haven’t been paid yet or there could be public holidays causing your usual customers to be spending time with their families instead of jerking off online.

Whatever the reason you will never truly know, but rest assured I’m 99.9% sure it’s not your fault.

So let’s discuss resilience….the ability to adapt, bounce back and recover from challenges and setbacks.

Resilient people tap into their strengths and support systems to work through problems. How could this apply when camming?

  1. Prioritize self care – When traffic is slow you may feel the need to work every hour under the sun. This can sometimes be at the cost of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. It’s important to make time for yourself and avoid overworking by setting hours you are comfortable with and being strict with yourself by not working any longer than this. Engaging in activities that recharge you can also help such as exercise, hobbies, relaxation techniques, or spending time with friends/family.
  2. Set Boundaries – When your room is quiet you may be tempted to offer services, roleplays or situations that you wouldn’t usually consider. Although this may be tempting, if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, don’t do it. Determine what you are comfortable with regarding the content, interactions, and level of engagement you are willing to offer. Communicate these boundaries to your viewers and enforce them consistently. 
  3. Adaptability – If it’s slow on stream how else might you make extra income – can you sell content via mass messaging or other platforms? Perhaps you could drop your price per minute and offer much more PG content like dirty talk for only a fraction of the price.
  4. Social Support – https://www.reddit.com/r/CamGirlProblems/ & https://www.wecamgirls.com/ are great places to connect with other cam models. Having access to supportive relationships and resources in the adult industry can provide emotional, practical, and informational support during difficult times. These types of forums are a great place to ask for advice when times may be slow. Most models on these sites are more than happy to help a fellow model.


Remember – you are powerful, adaptive, creative and resilient! Wishing you a profitable week.

Life Coach Emma x

The Art of Authenticity: Cam Models and the Power of Personal Creativity – The Cam Girl and the Coach

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This is a blog post co-created by cam model Amelia and Life Coach Emma. We’ve created this blog to shed light on the daily encounters of a Cam Model and how looking at things from a coaching perspective may help you navigate the world between a sexy bad ass adult star and the person you are when the cameras are off.

Amelia Streams on a Premium chat site and Emma is an International Life Coach, friend and ally to those working within the adult industries. You can contact her here – www.imperfectly-you.com

 

Amelia’s story

‘I want to serenade you’ – says the customer in my chat room.

I automatically categorise him in my head as the over complimentary type of customer. We all get them in our chat rooms. ‘You’re stunning’ … ‘Wow an angel sits before me’…’I want to tenderly caress your neck’.

‘Oh really, well I’d love to hear you sing’ – I reply by making small chit chat thinking he’s talking sh*t and wasting my time talking to me without even sending a tip!

Nope – this customer was very serious.

He clicks exclusive and we are now in paid chat.

He turns his cam on and I am presented with his room. A makeshift music studio put together in his closet. Rows of cowboy boots and shirts lined up behind him. He’s sitting on a stool with headphones on, a guitar on his knee and a professional mic set up in front of him. The kind you see in recording studios. The customer is also fully clothed and giving me a thumbs up symbol.

I smile and nod ‘wow you really were serious – are you about to sing to me?!’

Now I’m the type of person that has to turn singing shows off on the TV because I find them so cringe – so my fake face of enthusiasm is really going to be put to the test here.

With no introduction, he strums his guitar and begins singing.

It’s a full blown country song, serenading me with lyrics about missing his love in Texas. I should have suspected, the cowboy boots in his closet/music studio were a dead giveaway of what I was about to hear. I’m swaying and clicking my fingers saying things like ‘fantastic’, ‘amazing’, ‘you’re so talented’. Anything to encourage his very brave performance.

This man was singing from the top of his lungs and was giving it his all. It was truly admirable in a way, even though he wasn’t the best singer by any means. After 7 minutes and $70 dollars later, he finished his set, and I asked him what song he was covering.

He tells me he wrote it himself and that he has many more like this. He’s also hoping that his friend is going to help him properly record them too. He gives me another thumbs up and logs off. That was it, no naked time or sex talk. He simply wanted me to be a witness to something he felt proud of.

It got me thinking that in a job (as an online cam girl) where we may be faking a certain personality some of the time we can feel slightly detached from who we really are. How can we reconnect with ourselves?

 

Thoughts from the Coach – 

Doing something creative as a human being is a real way to show authenticity and your personal identity. When we create things from our own thoughts, efforts and skills we feel proud, and as a Life Coach, authenticity is something that comes up time and time again when speaking with clients. Questions arise such as,

  • When do we feel truly authentic and ourselves?
  • What creative things do we really enjoy that bring us a sense of pride?
  • How can we make time for more of this in our lives?


Creativity serves as a catalyst for fostering authenticity by providing a means of self-expression and exploration. It can allow us to honour our personal voice, connect with our emotions and empower our individuality.

If you’re a sex worker like Amelia you’re probably pretty busy making content for your brand, live streaming or performing. Yes these activities may be creative but when did you last do something creative and fun truly for you?

Here is my invitation for you to do something creative just for yourself this week.

  • Go out dancing
  • Take that pottery class
  • Read that book you keep meaning to read
  • Paint/draw/photograph


Whatever feeds your soul.

Or be like the guy in his cowboy boot closet singing country music at the top of his lungs.

Be unapologetically you!

Emma x

 

Virtual Friends – The Benefits of Keeping in Touch

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It’s true that social media has plugged a big hole in our friendship circles and for some it’s been a real lifeline. The ability to reach out to all those people we know, whether casual acquaintances, or lifelong friends has created a whole new meaning to interaction. 

However, the majority of this contact is virtual, without any form of actual conversation taking place. For some, it can leave the feeling that none of these virtual friendships are real. The physical interactions such as talking and touching are key to maintaining a presence in the real world.

Using apps which offer video call options are great but can bring about unnecessary angst as we struggle to deal with the lack of touch and proper eye contact. Sometimes a simple phone call is easier as it allows us to concentrate on just listening and speaking. 

Showing interest in others is key to maintaining a great friendship. It demonstrates that you really do care about them. Being able to rely upon another person at any time is the absolute symbol of a long and lasting relationship. 

You may go for weeks, often months (and sometimes years) without any form of physical contact but you know when you meet back up in person, it’ll be like no time has passed at all.

Spending a little of your time every single day acknowledging events in your friend’s life and showing them a piece of yours, means a lot. It gives comfort and a little piece of security to those who may feel alone and perhaps lost in this world of ever-increasing Social Media activity. It provides some positive well-being and some reassurance that we are not alone.

Remember …..

‘Good friends are like stars, you don’t always see them, but you know they are there’. Confucius

‘Friendship is the comfort of knowing that even when you feel alone, you aren’t’.

How to ‘Man Up’ in Mental Health

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Being a 6’7 ex pro-athlete and on and off model, I have felt the full effects of society putting me into a box.

“You are too tall to have problems in life.”

“You are too good-looking to be depressed.”

“Man, you are living the dream.”

“I’d do anything to be you.”

I was the epitome of judging a book by its cover, and I let those people sway my thoughts about how I was supposed to live life.

What was happening inside my head and heart was the exact opposite of what those people perceived.
• Fear of failure
• Fear of being judged
• Thoughts of being inadequate
• Fear of not performing how women expected me to
• Constant anxiety from standing out

It wasn’t until I got C-PTSD from an abusive end to a relationship. Also, watching my father die from Parkinson’s, did I finally stopped worrying about what others thought and started acting for myself.

These are 5 takeaways from the lowest point in my life that helped me build myself up to the happiest version of myself to date.

1. Let your thoughts out
Society’s old views of how men should act, focus on us not showing any emotion, physically or verbally. I soon realized in my darkest moments that if I kept holding in my fears, I would never be able to overcome them.

There are many ways to take those thoughts swirling around your head and have them out in the open to digest in a new light.
• See a therapist weekly (here is a great article on how to email a therapist for the first time to help you start)
• Write daily in a journal
• Talk out loud to yourself when alone

2. Fail more often
Working on your personal growth is hard. By the time you are in your 20s and 30s, you have created this form of yourself from life lessons. This version of you kept you safe, guided you through puberty and now is all you know.

You can’t snap your fingers and re-train your brain to act differently. Instead, you need to fight that initial urge you have.

In the beginning, you will lose to the ‘old you’ far more than you win. And that’s ok!

Getting comfortable with failing is one of the main ways we learn and grow.

3. Get uncomfortable weekly
Constantly testing your comfort bubble will help your overall growth to combat anxiety, depression and other mental health struggles.

By choosing when you will get scared and most likely inducing the emotional pain, you can step away at any time it becomes too much to handle.

The more you poke, prod and test your comfort bubble, the easier it will be to handle other uncomfortable situations you can’t see coming.

4. Exercise often
Working on your fitness will help you feel more confident in your body, but not only that. Being physically healthy and in good shape does not get enough credit for our mental health.

Pushing yourself daily in the gym, CrossFit, spin class, or any other 60 minutes of sweat-inducing working out will constantly force you into those uncomfortable moments of potential anxiety-inducing pain.

Working out also positively affects the hormones and chemicals inside our bodies. Constantly leaving you in a better mood than when you showed up at the gym.

5. Learn how to sleep
“Learn” is the critical word in this section.

We all sleep at some point. Our bodies were made to shut down when we hit a critical point of exhaustion. That’s not the hard part.

What isn’t easy is getting constant sleep, night after night, that leaves you feeling well rested and repaired from the previous day.

All of these factors of everyday life can and most likely can or do affect your sleep.
• Money struggles
• Addiction to your phone/social media
• Drugs
• Alcohol
• Relationship issues
• Loss of loved ones
• Anxiety
• Depression

Here are some tips to start working at bettering your sleep
• Stop looking at your phone/tv/computer 30 minutes before your start your evening routine to go to bed.
• Track your sleep patterns with a sleep tracking device and app.
• Eat cleaner/healthier foods before bed that your stomach can digest more easily while asleep.
• Journal before hopping into bed. This will help de-clutter your mind if you have difficulty falling asleep..

Getting a good night’s sleep doesn’t happen to people who say, “I wish I could sleep better.” It occurs from trial and error and hard work.

It took me 35 years plus losing my father to finally start seeing things from a new angle in my life.

There is no blueprint to this and we are all different. So don’t be hard on yourself my friend, in time it will start looking brighter for you too.

Paul Marlow / Tall Paul
Paul is a mental health speaker & leading global Tall Men’s Fashion expert. Helping men 6’3+ feel confident in their bodies.
Learn more about Tall Paul

Surrender – A Poem

/in , , , /by
To surrender
Is to dance
In the waves
Not knowing
When you might get knocked
Over
But trusting
That you’ll always
Be swept back up.
Trusting
That you will be swept
Onto warm soft sandy shores
When the time
Is right.
Written by Liza Belle