Finding Strength in Slow Times: The Unwavering Resilience of Cam Models – The Cam Girl and the Coach

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Emma is an International Life Coach, friend and ally to those working within the adult industries. You can contact her here – www.imperfectly-you.com

 

Sarah’s story – 

I went from making $250 in an hour to $39 in an hour overnight.

In the business of online camming this is just the way the cookie crumbles.

One day you’re smashing your personal targets and the next there’s virtual tumbleweed blowing through your chat room. Not a soul willing to spend any money with you.

You’re doing the exact same thing you usually do, chatting to customers and giving off the energy that your customers usually LOVE.

When I’m experiencing periods of low income, sometimes it’s difficult to not think it’s my fault. Is it something that I’m doing wrong?

This isn’t like a 9 to 5 where if I’m having an off day I show up, do the bare minimum and still get paid the same.

If I don’t show up and give it my all – I don’t get paid, and sometimes even that isn’t enough. This is why I think that resilience is one of the key traits needed to work in this industry.

What can we do to help ourselves be more resilient during times like these?


Thoughts from the Coach – 

The more than likely reality is that things may be slow due to other reasons that are out of your control. The cam website may be sending less traffic your way, it’s a time of the month where customers haven’t been paid yet or there could be public holidays causing your usual customers to be spending time with their families instead of jerking off online.

Whatever the reason you will never truly know, but rest assured I’m 99.9% sure it’s not your fault.

So let’s discuss resilience….the ability to adapt, bounce back and recover from challenges and setbacks.

Resilient people tap into their strengths and support systems to work through problems. How could this apply when camming?

  1. Prioritize self care – When traffic is slow you may feel the need to work every hour under the sun. This can sometimes be at the cost of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. It’s important to make time for yourself and avoid overworking by setting hours you are comfortable with and being strict with yourself by not working any longer than this. Engaging in activities that recharge you can also help such as exercise, hobbies, relaxation techniques, or spending time with friends/family.
  2. Set Boundaries – When your room is quiet you may be tempted to offer services, roleplays or situations that you wouldn’t usually consider. Although this may be tempting, if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, don’t do it. Determine what you are comfortable with regarding the content, interactions, and level of engagement you are willing to offer. Communicate these boundaries to your viewers and enforce them consistently. 
  3. Adaptability – If it’s slow on stream how else might you make extra income – can you sell content via mass messaging or other platforms? Perhaps you could drop your price per minute and offer much more PG content like dirty talk for only a fraction of the price.
  4. Social Support – https://www.reddit.com/r/CamGirlProblems/ & https://www.wecamgirls.com/ are great places to connect with other cam models. Having access to supportive relationships and resources in the adult industry can provide emotional, practical, and informational support during difficult times. These types of forums are a great place to ask for advice when times may be slow. Most models on these sites are more than happy to help a fellow model.


Remember – you are powerful, adaptive, creative and resilient! Wishing you a profitable week.

Life Coach Emma x

Keeping Calm Under Pressure

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Remaining calm under pressure can be challenging, but it’s a valuable skill that can be developed with practice. Here are some strategies to help you stay calm in high-pressure situations:

Recognize and accept your emotions: It’s normal to feel anxious or stressed in high-pressure situations. Acknowledge your emotions and accept them without judgment. Remember that it’s okay to feel this way, and it doesn’t mean you’re incapable or weak.

Take deep breaths: Deep breathing is a simple yet effective technique to calm your mind and body. Slowly inhale through your nose, hold your breath for a few seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. Focus on your breath and repeat this several times until you feel more centred.

Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness involves staying present and aware of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations in the present moment. When you feel pressure building up, take a moment to observe your thoughts and feelings without getting caught up in them. This can help you maintain a sense of calm and perspective.

Challenge negative thoughts: High-pressure situations can trigger negative thoughts and self-doubt. Challenge these thoughts by questioning their accuracy and replacing them with more positive and realistic ones. Remind yourself of your capabilities and past successes.

Break it down: When faced with a daunting task or a high-pressure situation, break it down into smaller, manageable steps. Focus on one step at a time, rather than becoming overwhelmed by the entire situation. This approach can help you stay focused and reduce anxiety.

Prepare and practice: Preparation is key to handling pressure effectively. Whether it’s a presentation, an interview, or a challenging task, make sure you are well-prepared. Practice beforehand, visualize yourself performing successfully, and rehearse your responses. The more familiar you are with the situation, the more confident you’ll feel.

Utilize positive self-talk: Use positive affirmations and self-talk to boost your confidence and maintain a calm mindset. Remind yourself of your strengths, previous accomplishments, and your ability to handle challenging situations. Replace negative self-talk with encouraging and supportive statements.

Seek support: Don’t hesitate to reach out for support when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or mentor who can provide guidance, encouragement, or a fresh perspective. Sometimes, simply expressing your concerns can help relieve some of the pressure.

Take care of yourself: Prioritize self-care, especially during stressful periods. Get enough sleep, eat nourishing meals, engage in physical activity, and make time for activities that help you relax and recharge. Taking care of your physical and mental well-being will improve your resilience and ability to handle pressure.

Remember, staying calm under pressure is a skill that develops over time. Be patient with yourself and practice these strategies consistently. With time and effort, you can become better at maintaining your composure in high-pressure situations. Helping yourself to remain calm usually means others will respond better.

 

Pineapple Support offers numerous workshops to help you deal with the pressures of work and life in general. Don’t leave it until you are drowning in problems or feel like you are going to explode. Take time out to help yourself.

 

The Art of Authenticity: Cam Models and the Power of Personal Creativity – The Cam Girl and the Coach

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This is a blog post co-created by cam model Amelia and Life Coach Emma. We’ve created this blog to shed light on the daily encounters of a Cam Model and how looking at things from a coaching perspective may help you navigate the world between a sexy bad ass adult star and the person you are when the cameras are off.

Amelia Streams on a Premium chat site and Emma is an International Life Coach, friend and ally to those working within the adult industries. You can contact her here – www.imperfectly-you.com

 

Amelia’s story

‘I want to serenade you’ – says the customer in my chat room.

I automatically categorise him in my head as the over complimentary type of customer. We all get them in our chat rooms. ‘You’re stunning’ … ‘Wow an angel sits before me’…’I want to tenderly caress your neck’.

‘Oh really, well I’d love to hear you sing’ – I reply by making small chit chat thinking he’s talking sh*t and wasting my time talking to me without even sending a tip!

Nope – this customer was very serious.

He clicks exclusive and we are now in paid chat.

He turns his cam on and I am presented with his room. A makeshift music studio put together in his closet. Rows of cowboy boots and shirts lined up behind him. He’s sitting on a stool with headphones on, a guitar on his knee and a professional mic set up in front of him. The kind you see in recording studios. The customer is also fully clothed and giving me a thumbs up symbol.

I smile and nod ‘wow you really were serious – are you about to sing to me?!’

Now I’m the type of person that has to turn singing shows off on the TV because I find them so cringe – so my fake face of enthusiasm is really going to be put to the test here.

With no introduction, he strums his guitar and begins singing.

It’s a full blown country song, serenading me with lyrics about missing his love in Texas. I should have suspected, the cowboy boots in his closet/music studio were a dead giveaway of what I was about to hear. I’m swaying and clicking my fingers saying things like ‘fantastic’, ‘amazing’, ‘you’re so talented’. Anything to encourage his very brave performance.

This man was singing from the top of his lungs and was giving it his all. It was truly admirable in a way, even though he wasn’t the best singer by any means. After 7 minutes and $70 dollars later, he finished his set, and I asked him what song he was covering.

He tells me he wrote it himself and that he has many more like this. He’s also hoping that his friend is going to help him properly record them too. He gives me another thumbs up and logs off. That was it, no naked time or sex talk. He simply wanted me to be a witness to something he felt proud of.

It got me thinking that in a job (as an online cam girl) where we may be faking a certain personality some of the time we can feel slightly detached from who we really are. How can we reconnect with ourselves?

 

Thoughts from the Coach – 

Doing something creative as a human being is a real way to show authenticity and your personal identity. When we create things from our own thoughts, efforts and skills we feel proud, and as a Life Coach, authenticity is something that comes up time and time again when speaking with clients. Questions arise such as,

  • When do we feel truly authentic and ourselves?
  • What creative things do we really enjoy that bring us a sense of pride?
  • How can we make time for more of this in our lives?


Creativity serves as a catalyst for fostering authenticity by providing a means of self-expression and exploration. It can allow us to honour our personal voice, connect with our emotions and empower our individuality.

If you’re a sex worker like Amelia you’re probably pretty busy making content for your brand, live streaming or performing. Yes these activities may be creative but when did you last do something creative and fun truly for you?

Here is my invitation for you to do something creative just for yourself this week.

  • Go out dancing
  • Take that pottery class
  • Read that book you keep meaning to read
  • Paint/draw/photograph


Whatever feeds your soul.

Or be like the guy in his cowboy boot closet singing country music at the top of his lungs.

Be unapologetically you!

Emma x

 

International Cam Models Day June 15th 2023

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Get yourself ready for the biggest hug of the year. It’s time to celebrate you and the amazing job that you do!

People think that being a cam model is all about glamour and striving to become famous. They see the make-up, the clothes, photo shoots in amazing locations, and sometimes fast cars. What they don’t see is the long hours, hard work and emotional drain it can often produce. For many models, every day is the same as yesterday, it’s like your life is on repeat. Sleep ….. Eat ….. Work …. Sleep ….. Eat …… Work!

However, today we want you to ensure you take care of YOU! It doesn’t matter how big or small the gift is, you deserve to indulge. Here are just a few ideas to get you started.

Promise Yourself

Make a pledge that you will spend a small portion of your day concentrating on yourself. It could be for 5 mins, 15 mins or if you are very lucky it could be longer. Use the time to meditate, listen to some music, or have a relaxing bath. If you like to cook, make plans to cook a new recipe at least once a week. You could go for a walk, read a book or simply take a nap. As long as it’s just for you!

It can be very surprising how even a short amount of time dedicated to a single item can be so rewarding.

The List

Having aims is always important and can often make everyday life much easier to deal with. What’s even more exciting is spending time deciding what should go on your list. It could be a much needed day out, the well-deserved holiday, or even a new car. On the other hand, it could be as simple as a long soak in your favourite bubbles with a glass of wine and a good book!

We all need a reason to work hard and whether the end goal is a small pick-me-up or the glittering prize, take the time to note down your wishes and then make them a reality.

Be Kind

Being kind to others brings more pleasure than you can imagine. It’s the perfect way to elevate your soul and make you feel positive and fulfilled. One single act of kindness can change someone’s day, turning it from mediocre to amazing. Saying ‘Hi’ can bring a smile and alleviate loneliness. It takes no time at all and can make a huge difference.

Above all

Be Good to Yourself

Be Kind to Others

And Relax a Little

Virtual Friends – The Benefits of Keeping in Touch

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It’s true that social media has plugged a big hole in our friendship circles and for some it’s been a real lifeline. The ability to reach out to all those people we know, whether casual acquaintances, or lifelong friends has created a whole new meaning to interaction. 

However, the majority of this contact is virtual, without any form of actual conversation taking place. For some, it can leave the feeling that none of these virtual friendships are real. The physical interactions such as talking and touching are key to maintaining a presence in the real world.

Using apps which offer video call options are great but can bring about unnecessary angst as we struggle to deal with the lack of touch and proper eye contact. Sometimes a simple phone call is easier as it allows us to concentrate on just listening and speaking. 

Showing interest in others is key to maintaining a great friendship. It demonstrates that you really do care about them. Being able to rely upon another person at any time is the absolute symbol of a long and lasting relationship. 

You may go for weeks, often months (and sometimes years) without any form of physical contact but you know when you meet back up in person, it’ll be like no time has passed at all.

Spending a little of your time every single day acknowledging events in your friend’s life and showing them a piece of yours, means a lot. It gives comfort and a little piece of security to those who may feel alone and perhaps lost in this world of ever-increasing Social Media activity. It provides some positive well-being and some reassurance that we are not alone.

Remember …..

‘Good friends are like stars, you don’t always see them, but you know they are there’. Confucius

‘Friendship is the comfort of knowing that even when you feel alone, you aren’t’.

15 Things to do to Prevent Burnout as a Sex Worker

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Because I’m burnt out…
By Miss Mae Ling

In any aspect of life, we must ask ourselves – “what is the goal? Why do we do it?” Some may enter into the sex work industry thinking it’s quick money and must work hard before the age starts to show. But by doing so, you are aging yourself a lot quicker and burning that spark inside of you until you retire early just to come back to it once again once you’ve had a break. Like an unhealthy relationship where you break up, get back together, break up again and so forth. Let’s make the relationship you have with yourself and your work a healthy one. To last long in this industry (yes, you can!), sex workers may prioritize and consider a few things.

1. Prioritize self-care like a sex worker cares
As part of the work, you care about everything and everyone else. Even if you are a femdom, you care about your submissives even when it’s supposed to be about your pleasure! You take photos of your time relaxing at the spa and are technically still working. When was the last time you did something for yourself that you didn’t monetize on? That you didn’t think about how it would affect your work? Make time for your own self-care. Be selfish. You do you – so that you can continue to do everyone else.

2. Exercise like a sexy sex worker
This isn’t just a thing that you do to keep your body smoking hot for work. No, this is for you. Working out, decreases levels of stress and releases endorphins. Feel good, look good and have the strength to kick ass at the things that you do best. It’s easy to fall out of your exercise routine with all the travels or strange occurrences that life throws at you, but remember this is time for you to get into a flow state. Out of your head and into your body. Really feel yourself – you sexy beast.

3. Eat healthy like a sex worker putting something in their mouth
Negative spirals really can take a toll you. Starts off with feeling shitty, eating shitty foods, to break outs on your face due to shitty food, feeling sad because that money making face is now no longer flawless, add on the make up to cover it up just to be in front of a camera – but there is never any make up good enough or any amount that will ever cover up the truth behind it. Your personality, your face shows it all. Go ahead, fake it. Everyone else who is a fan, who knows you, will see right through it. Eat well, feel good. You put so many different things into your body as is, let’s put something that truly nourishes you and makes you glow from the inside out.

4. Sleep like a sex worker after good sex
Sleep is the all-powerful healing goodness that we all know and love. As a sex worker, you work for yourself. You are an entrepreneur; you make your own hours. So fuck that alarm in the ass – it doesn’t need to make a sound. You’re busy with a spicy hot dream date. Not only are you refreshed but you also got some really good creative content. Thanks subconscious!

5. Shift your money perspective – long term money like a successful sex worker
You think the money is quick and good and so you work yourself so much that you burn out. If you actually think of it, by burning yourself out quickly, you are affecting your long term money. The money you could be making later down the line is now dried up because you aren’t at your best. Yes, people can tell when you are not at your best. They are coming to you as an escape and if the escape isn’t the best one yet – they will easily find another available escape that will blow their minds.

6. Saying no – deny like the sexiest sex worker dominant
There is so much power in saying no. By saying no to the client that drains your energy you are reserving it for yourself and the correct connection. By being picky and selective with whom you share yourself with – you not only create an exclusive brand but you also feel good about the people you do spend time with. They don’t drain you emotionally and you are at your best to drain them. No, that message doesn’t need to be responded to immediately. No, you don’t need to take that appointment. No, you don’t need to go online. These are all things you should want to do because you enjoy to do it with the people there. Not because you have to.

7. Ask for help –
As a provider you may feel as though you are the badass bitch that takes on so much. You continually give your time, your energy, you. You are a business though. What is a business if you do not expand and ask for help? It could even be the simplest of things such as cooking, cleaning or more elaborate like editing clips. If you are feeling like there is an aspect of your life that requires more energy, find help to ease it. When that is easier you can focus more on the other things that you truly enjoy.

8. Eliminate unnecessary work
Let’s make a list of all the things you are doing right now. Yes, including all the little things like posting to Twitter to checking emails for bookings. Now consider how often you do it. You say you do these things for work, but they’re just bad habits that break up your work day. Nobody needs to check their emails 10 times a day. That tweet you wanted to post, now lead to a 30-minute hole of you scrolling through your feed. You can be quite productive if you think slower and ask yourself: “why am I doing this?” That’ll lead you to eliminating little things, yes even that thing you do to track your productivity just so you feel good about yourself with checking off those boxes.

9. Take control of yourself – as your own sexy boss
Let’s revisit the reality that you are your own boss. Now let’s shift the perspective and take a look at you working for a boss that asks so much of you. You are working weekends, holidays, after hours in the middle of the night, in the middle of your dinner or lunch break. Would you continue to work for that company? Would you put up to the demands of that boss? Then why do you put up with your own shitty boss that is inside of your head?

10. Change environment to something that’ll inspire the sex
If you work for yourself, if you make your own schedule, do you change it up or do you feel as though you are stuck in your own hell hole of a cubicle that is your living room office? You are the creator of your own reality, so you can literally decide where you want to work…all the time. By changing your environment, you expose yourself to new inspirations, muses and connections. You constantly spice things up for others, spice up your surroundings for yourself.

11. Letting go of perfectionism – sex isn’t perfect
Nobody is a tougher critic than yourself. That image you work so hard to paint of yourself, the brand you are creating. Sure, it’s wonderful but by being so perfect you are creating unnecessary stress for yourself. By putting out what you can whenever you can, people can see your growth over time, follow your progress and celebrate your success. Realize, everyone starts somewhere. It may be difficult not to compare yourself to others, but nobody will be as good as you at being yourself.

12. Pursue passion – we all like passionate sex
Is this a passion of yours? Or is it something that you are doing currently to pay off school or something else? Keep that reason of why you are something at the forefront of your mind. When you pursue your passion, it shouldn’t be a dreaded work day but an excitement for what comes that day. Sex work isn’t your passion? Great, then don’t work yourself so hard that you burn yourself out for something that you didn’t even care for in the first place.

13. Hobby
Do you have a hobby outside of sex work? Something that has absolutely nothing to do with your work? Great, because you are not your work. The work doesn’t define you. You are a whole individual with other things in your life and work is just an avenue that allows you to live the life you dream of.

14. Take a vacation
You are your own boss. If you don’t advocate for your own vacation days, then who will?! Take as many as you’d like! The beauty of the work is that there will be work when you get back. As a sex worker, we do not get any sick days, maternity leave or holidays. So you have to create it for yourself. You’ve been focused on making all that money and what’s the point of money if you’re not going to enjoy any of it? After all, you deserve it bitch.

15. Be compassionate to yourself
Comparison is the biggest spirit killer. Seeing everyone else’s success is there to inspire you not make you self-doubt about your own skills and awesomeness. Be kind, even if you catch yourself doing any of the above things – it’s ok. You noticed it and now you know to how to pivot to a healthier relationship with yourself.
I wish for every sex worker to be successful and happy. There is so much money to go around, but play the game right so that you are able to continue making that money. When people say get a real job to sex workers…my mind is blown as they have no idea how much work sex workers actually do. We don’t have to prove anything to them. Do you and get that bag.

Miss Mae Ling is a Los Angeles based professional dominatrix. The high school cheerleader with the force of an Asian tiger mom. Her hobbies include ballet, yoga, circus training and traveling. You can find out more on her website www.missmaeling.com

Sleep Glorious Sleep

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With a busy schedule it is often very easy to forget about even the most basic method of self-care, sleep. Staying up late to meet deadlines, getting sucked into a new series on Netflix or just getting into a bad evening routine; missing out on much needed sleep can have detrimental effects on your mental and physical health.

The recommended amount of sleep for a healthy adult is at least seven hours, with most people not needing any more than eight hours in bed to be well rested. Keeping a routine can be extremely beneficial, going to bed and getting up at the same time every day, yes, this includes weekends. Being consistent reinforces your body’s sleep-wake cycle and makes Monday mornings a lot less painful.

5 Reasons Why Getting Enough Sleep Is Important

1) Boosts Immune Function
Studies have shown that even a small loss of sleep can reduce your immune functions. People who sleep less than 7 hrs a night are nearly 3 times more likely to develop a cold than those who sleep 8 hrs or more.

2) Stay At A Healthy Weight
lack of sleep has been shown to disrupt the daily fluctuations in appetite hormones. As a result, when you are sleep deprived you are prone to having a bigger appetite and eating more calories.
A poor night’s sleep can also triggers markers of inflammation in your body and cell damage.

3) Lower Your Risk Of Heart Disease
Studies have shown that people who do not get enough sleep are far more likely to experience heart issues than those individuals who get between 7 and 8 hours of sleep per night.

4) Improved Concentration & Bain Activity
A good night of sleep can maximize concentration, problem solving skills and productivity, while poor sleep has been shown to impair brain function. A short night of sleep can negatively impact some aspects of your brain function to the same degree as alcohol intoxication.

5) Reduce Stress and Improve Your Mood
Sleep and mood are closely connected; poor or inadequate sleep can cause irritability and stress, while healthy sleep can enhance well-being. During a study subjects who were limited to only 4.5 hours of sleep a night for one week reported feeling more stressed, angry, sad, and mentally exhausted.

–

Getting enough sleep isn’t only about total hours of sleep. It’s also important to get good-quality sleep on a regular schedule so you feel rested when you wake up.
If you often have trouble sleeping — or if you often still feel tired after sleeping — talk with your doctor.

Understanding You

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Sometimes we all have to stop for a moment and remember that the world is full of other people. We do not exist alone. The pandemic has forced some people into a world of isolation and loneliness which the world hasn’t seen for a very long time.

The more time we spend on our own the easier it is to forget that others are also potentially going through similar struggles both emotionally and physically. A simple “Hello”, or a brief “You ok?” message can mean the world to those in need of company.

Isolation cane very damaging as beneath it all humans are social creatures who require the presence of others, on an almost daily basis. Whilst we all like that time alone where we can treat ourselves to a candlelit bath, or movie with a glass of wine and a blanket, we do need to be with others.

Negative Effects Of Lockdown

Lockdown had so many effects on individuals and families. Some rediscovered the delights of what family and friends really mean. The internet was our saviour as video calls and messaging became ever present on a daily basis. However, others found the enforced closeness with family very hard to deal with.

Working from home became the norm. cats, dogs and children popping on work Zoom calls created internet sensations for some. Whereas those not used to this closeness found it very difficult to cope.

None more so, than those working int he adult sector. The income which their job provided and the interaction with other people was suddenly removed. This left a huge void financially and emotionally. The times spent alone seem to become more devoid of emotions as each day pass.

Sharing is Caring

A number of companies took this opportunity to create  forums and online groups for their workers to communicate with each other. Zoom meetings often started with a brief summary of your weekend activities, or nightly Netflix binge (without spoilers of course). This allows people to interact in a more personal way , giving them the chance to feel more connected to each other.

Time can be a great healer but it also gives us scope to really get to understand who we really are. Although difficult for some, being alone does give us the opportunity to discover and understand ourselves on a deeper level. Once we allow ourselves to accept the bad as well as the good, it’s much easier to work on the negative aspects.

Being Honest

Let’s be honest, if someone calls you lazy, or careless, our immediate reaction is one of defensiveness and feeling hurt. However, oftentimes in reality we know what they have said was true. Perhaps this is where the saying “you always hurt the one you love” comes from. It’s certainly relevant and in some ways designed to help is better ourselves.

Self improvement can only come if we are able to determine those things which do require some work or adjustments. A common way of dealing with this is to remember that there ae ma y people much worse off than we may be. Placing the focus on what the actual problem is can allow us to ascertain exactly how the issue fits into the grand scheme of things.

Kindness Patience and Tolerance

We do all need to take time for ourselves, indulge in our own inner beauty. If you are reading this I hope you are already thinking of the best parts of your soul and how you can improve other parts. Helping others and listening to what they are trying to say is key to seeing the beauty within. Being kind, patient and tolerant ae crucial assets which allows you to embrace life and everything that comes your way, good or bad.

It’s good to remember that;

Kindness is important

Patience is a virtue

Tolerance is essential

with love from,

Carla Sez

Camming, Performing and living with Chronic Illness

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Chronic illnesses are conditions that are discussed by many, and yet somehow also overlooked and misunderstood. Emotional and mental health are often forgotten as part of the treatment when someone lives with a chronic illness, yet it is one of the most impactful supports on someone’s health trajectory. Additionally, when there is a present mental health care provider, they may not specialize, understand, or implement one’s chronic illness into a discussion on emotions and behaviors. In the adult industry, chronic illness is experienced by many, but in a broader sense, some feel, “swept under the rug.” An anonymous cam performer shares: “I feel like its taboo. This field is about bodies and experiencing pleasure, and yet when it comes to someone who is visibly or invisibly ill, we can be forgotten or cast out because we don’t fit the mold.” When chronically ill and in a physical industry, it is imperative to find support, like-minded performers, and sites that promote appropriate visibility and care. Concerns of feeling ostracized, pushed to the margins, “less than” other performers, fetishized, or bullied are valid and real. It is imperative to understand that society works as it is intended to, which currently is for those that are able-bodied and in industries that aren’t considered “taboo.” It can be easy to throw in the towel and feel like support will never arrive, however, there are strong anti-ableism advocates, especially in the adult industry, who champion disabled bodies, their attraction, and their abilities. Lack of strength, body mass, libido, interest, and self-value/esteem can affect someone’s ability to feel successful in their work, relationships, and in the world. Chronic illnesses, when treated ineffectively or without mental health support, can lead to sexual dysfunctions that would affect all individuals, but especially those in the adult industry who rely on healthy functioning to complete their work and engage with others in their personal life. Thankfully, there are treatments, supports, and steps one can take to fight stigma, receive care, and feel like oneself again.

  1. Seek out support staff who are educated, informed, and champion their experience working with those both in the adult industry and those identifying as chronically ill.Although not all providers who label themselves as such will have the approach you are seeking, most providers label themselves with what they specialize in and should be able to follow through.
  2. If you feel discouraged, gaslit, diminished, or dismissed by a provider, if safe, let others know. Strengthen the community. Additionally, and most importantly, do not return to said provider unless absolutely necessary. The use of telehealth can provide increased equity and choice when seeking a new provider. Do not accept diminishment. The more times we feel let down or ignored, the less likely it is we will seek lifesaving care.
  3. Reach out to others in the adult industry with lived experience. Knowing you are not alone is a powerful feeling, and you may also end up with a new friend. Isolation can be common with chronic illness as many work from home or in more independent, controlled settings.
  4. Pursue mindfulness. Although mindfulness has been over-sold as a cure by many, don’t get caught up in the hype. Mindfulness is attuned presence and choosing to be the observer as opposed to the observed. Research shows building a new or different relationship with your pain can provide a sense of power, control, and hope, even when symptoms don’t subside considerably.
  5. Although it takes time and energy to do so, know that you and others with chronic illness are worth attention, time, care, and adaptive/accessible needs/tools/and skills. You are permitted to have access to that which provides comfort and makes life easier.

 

Although chronic illness can prove challenging and be a part of an intersectional, complex identity, know you are valid and deserving of appropriate, attuned, informed care. Be well!

From Rachael Wells, LMHC, EMDR-C/CIT, BC-TMH, RYT, QS

When is Collaboration Better Than Competing?

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The answer is most likely, always!

Unless you are directly competing your skills against another for the purposes of sport or suchlike, we always make more progress when we work together. Sharing skills and knowledge in our everyday lives is so important to our evolution.

Throughout the ages, major breakthroughs have come about because an individual sought help with a problem. The saying ‘2 minds are better than one’, has never been truer in this case.

Collaborating not only allows you to share and pass on your knowledge to another but also prompts thoughts and processes that may not have crossed your mind previously. When we keep those little nuggets of info to ourselves, it produces selfish thoughts and negative feelings towards those around us. Sharing information can actually provide us with really positive energy. It makes us feel good and empowers the mind so that we feel useful to others.

Empowerment allows success

People mistake the meaning of empowerment, thinking that it always means something negative, where one person has power over another. It is in fact a lot more personal than that. It is the process of becoming stronger and more confident, so that we can take control of our lives. It enables an individual to represent their own interests in a responsible and self-determined way, whilst being able to act on their own authority.

It is possible for one person to become overwhelmed with the feeling of power and allow it to manifest into something which is selfish and ugly. The trick is to follow the fundamentals.

  • Respect the decisions others make about their lives
  • Try to always make other people feel comfortable enough to discuss their own feelings
  • Always be respectful and non-judgemental
  • Focus on abilities and strengths rather than admonishing weaknesses
  • Provide support and encouragement

Skill sharing

Offering to share your knowledge with others will always show you in the best light possible. It provides a feeling of openness and helps you to engage with others. Positivity is catching and spreads warmth and happiness to all those involved.

One of the best things about the internet is the ability to pass on skills and understanding to many, many people, most of whom you will never know personally. Although we tend to work better when we receive individual praise, positive acknowledgements from complete strangers are an incredible boost to our self-esteem.

Every day is a new one where we can all acquire a new talent or learn a new skill. It motivates the mind and conquers boredom and inactivity. Sharing that interest with others is one of the best ways to build friendships and bond.

How to collaborate

Collaboration could be as simple as picking up the phone and asking someone how their day has been, or you might text them, just to say hello. Nowadays, most of these partnerships are based in the virtual world. There are video, network, community, internal and external collaborations, all of which lead to a sharing of knowledge and the ability to achieve a goal.

This kind of work style was first officially recognised in the 1950’s. It allowed projects to be managed by more than one individual, rather than the previous method using one project manager and a Gantt chart. Companies quickly realised that allowing employees to work in this manner produced an efficient workforce which promoted growth and innovation for the company.

As individuals, this relatively simple way of sharing thoughts, skills and processes with others brings about a positive attitude and renews the hunger for learning.

Enjoying sharing

There’s nothing better in life than sitting down and sharing a glass of wine, or a cup of coffee or even a good movie with your bestie. It’s what seems to make us whole as a species. It gives a warm glow inside, and it provides a form of stability that you cannot get from anywhere else. That shared experience will be remembered for a very long time and gives treasured moments to draw upon whenever we need a little fix of feeling warm.

Passing on knowledge can result in those same warm feelings. Knowing that we have helped someone, passed on vital information and allowed them to grow as a person even more, is an amazing feeling.

Knowledge really does mean power when you use it in the best way possible.

Always remember ‘Sharing is Caring’ and ‘Caring is Sharing’.