Gaslit Warwounds – A Poem

Those things that cut you up
And spat you out
Those things that had you crying and screaming
On the bathroom floor
That had you talking motherfuckingshit
To your family
Taking for granted your friends
Those things that made you a hurricane
In a quiet living space
Those things that blew shit up
Ruffled feathers
Burnt bridges
Those things
That you believe
Made you a bad person
Actually made you brave
Actually made you courageous
Actually made you face who you are
And deal with your shit
Those things actually made you fearless
Fiery
A pioneer
Those things made you you
Don’t bad mouth those things.
Written By Liza Belle

Abuse – A poem

Sometimes
We compensate so damn hard for people doing awful things
Being awful
Because we can see their pain
We can see the suffering
That warped them
Twisted them
De-humanised them
So we stay.
We watch.
We tolerate
And accept.
But we shouldn’t.
We shouldn’t tolerate abuse.
It’s fucked up.

Written by Liza Belle

A Shadow Imprint – A Poem

“This anger is not mine…”
I finally understood.
It was the imprint of a shadow
On my soul
All that was left to honour the pain
Endured.
Spontaneous eruptions
Harming innocent bystanders,
Were rooted in the shadow
Cast over me from that time
In that place.
And now the shadow gathered and swarmed
Trapping me in a self-imposed prison;
A wall of smoke and mirrors
Surrounding me.
What was real?
I could not know.
Warped perception of reality, I ploughed forth into the world.
Wreaking havoc with my scars;
With my view-distorting Shadow Lenses.
I saw what it wanted me to see.
In my nightmares
In my dreams
In my life.
Detached.
Floating.
No sense of reality.
“No hold on real life.”
An out-of-body experience.
For years
It felt as if I were a bystander,
Watching an automation
Live my life.
To the point where I didn’t know my reflection.
Body and face, wracked with the shadow
The shadow poisoned me:
Poisoned my responses;
Poisoned my actions;
My reactions.
Self-hate and self-loathing poisoned my judgement
My judgement of myself.
It wasn’t me.
Surely it couldn’t be me
Acting like such a lunatic?!
But there was nothing I could do.
The shadow had taken my power.
The shadow was in control.
Until all that was left of me
Was a corpse.
Curled on the floor of the shower.
Empty.
Drowning.
Water, burning
Trying to feel something,
Anything.
So many forms of self-harm
To try and feel something.
To try to penetrate this numbness
This lack of ability to feel anything remotely deeply.
And still today it haunts me.
The shadow of my past.
But I’m learning to move through it.
To face the pain, at last.
I know it won’t be easy,
Lord knows it will be hard.
But I’ve adorned my strongest armour
And into battle, I will charge.
I will meet the shadows in combat
With love and with compassion
I will fight with all my might to heal
I will not turn away again.
Written by Liza Bella

The Gift Of Fear – A Poem

The gift of Fear
Is protection
What lies beneath Fear
Masked below Fear
Is deep, powerful Wisdom.
That is what comes
When we meet Fear
Without Fear.
Written by Liza Belle

Pondering Modern Life – A Poem

Am I old fashioned
For wanting to date one person at a time
Without wondering how many other people they’re seeing
At the same time?
Am I old fashioned
For wanting to feel special?
For wanting to feel seen?
For wanting to feel safe?
written by Liza Belle

5 Benefits of Therapy

Talk therapy is a safe space for open and honest dialogue between you and your therapist. While the overall goal is to identify and talk about issues causing your distress, therapy goes a bit deeper than that.

For a long time now, therapy has been a consistent guiding light for me. Therapy helped me transition from a life that felt overwhelming and unbearable to one that I enjoy living and thrive in – one where I know that I can overcome my anxiety even on my hardest days.

In working with your therapist to identify stressors in your life and understand their impact, you will also learn strategies and skills to manage your symptoms and move forward. If you’re on the fence about it or aren’t sure exactly why to go or what to say in therapy, I highly recommend giving it a try – or a few.

No matter what, we all could use an unbiased, non-judgmental, and knowledgeable person to talk to at times. So, if you ever feel lost on where to turn to, set up an appointment with a therapist. In doing this, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain, and the following five benefits of therapy will give you a clearer idea of what I mean.

Therapy helps with anxiety

Therapy is a highly valuable tool that helps treat patients with a wide range of issues and mental health conditions like depression, trauma, and OCD. And if I have not mentioned it straightforwardly enough yet, therapy is also a tool for dealing with the day-to-day challenges we all face as humans – something that anyone can benefit from.

That said, I want to touch on the most common mental health condition out there: anxiety. People who struggle with anxiety do not just experience moderate or high stress in understandable circumstances. Instead, people with anxiety feel unstable, irritable, or uneasy most of the time and for reasons they cannot always explain. This continuous state of fear can cause difficulty managing your emotions as anxiety begins to dictate your behaviors.

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The first way therapy helps people manage their anxiety is by identifying the factors and underlying causes contributing to it. From there, they come to understand their emotions better and reach a place of acceptance before developing techniques to ease anxiety and effectively deal with it.

Therapy can improve your relationships

By this, I do not mean that therapy is a great resource for dealing with social anxiety or recovering from a tough breakup, although it is. But while some therapists specialize in family, relationship, and marriage counselling, any form of therapy can improve your relationships in general.

As you likely already know but may not always apply, better communication is key to better relationships. For this reason, therapists focus on opening the lines of communication between two or more people.

However, even if it is just you attending therapy, your therapist can help you see other perspectives and find balance in the way you communicate with people you care for. For instance, you might have a hard time opening up and being assertive to get what you need from someone; or, it could be the other way around, and you don’t realize the impact your assertiveness has on someone else’s feelings.

While therapists help people cultivate more positive and long-lasting relationships, they can also help you learn how to manage relationships with people you don’t want to keep around. Even accepting that it is okay to let go of relationships that aren’t serving you is a pretty big first step that you can accomplish in therapy.

By learning more skills to gain perspective and communicate, therapy can help you navigate all your current relationships to find greater fulfillment.

Therapy can make you happier

I realize that this a broad statement because, let’s face it, happiness is an ambiguous word. Not only can happiness emotions range from contentment to immense joy, but the things that make us happy vary for all of us, too.

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No matter how you slice it, I think we can all agree that greater levels of self- acceptance and self-compassion make us happier. When you accept who you are, you will be more prone to take care of yourself and engage in healthy behaviors rather than succumb to negative self-talk. And the things you discuss with your therapist will help you find more self- awareness and understanding, which is always the first step before self-acceptance.

In other words, therapy is a great first step to a happier life. It is an opportunity to release your past, talk about your present, and foster more compassion for yourself moving forward.

Therapy can make you more productive

Have you ever noticed how you get more tasks accomplished or focus better when you are in a good mood?

We’ve established that therapy can make you feel happier, and the same chemicals, like serotonin, that your brain receives when you’re happy also signal you to learn more, work harder, and apply yourself.

My intention is not to say that you have to work harder to be happy or that what you are doing now is not good enough. Although, I won’t deny the fact that higher productivity is great for many reasons.

The more you strive for goals and succeed, the more accomplished, capable, and confident you will feel. Not to mention productivity gives your life a sense of direction. All of this can add up to a greater level of happiness, so if you think about it, happiness and productivity make up a positive and perpetual cycle.

Both happiness and productivity combined can help you advance in life, whether professionally or personally, and therapy is a way to identify your mental roadblocks so you can find effective solutions to overcome them. As you can see, therapy is not about directly helping people develop better wellbeing, but a tool that enables you to improve any areas of your life that contribute to your wellbeing.

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Therapy teaches healthy, lifelong coping skills

Last but certainly not least are the healthy coping skills you acquire from therapy. Coping is necessary to respond to all life’s challenges and problems. Sometimes all coping will feel like it is helping you to do is persevere. But if you continue to cope with consistency and efficacy using the tools you learn in therapy, you will ultimately move through and move on.

When your healthy coping mechanisms become habitual and take precedence over your unhealthy ones, you will feel more in control over your life. Keep in mind that nurturing skills and habits and achieving progress takes time, and so does therapy. It is normal if it takes a while to reap any of these benefits of therapy, which is one more reason not to wait any longer to try it.

Writing by Paul Marlow

“Paul Marlow is a mental health advocate who writes mental health help content to inspire others to find daily actions to get better. You can see more at his site for Never Alone

Create Your Morning Routine For Mental Health Happiness To Start The Day

Does this sound familiar?

You have a busy workday tomorrow and are planning out how the day will go. Where is the first place you take away attention from?

Does it look something like this…

Wake-up
Order coffee from the Starbucks app Run out the door

In a total of seven minutes, you have broken your brain into a dead sprint after being in a coma for eight hours.

This doesn’t sound relaxing, does it? I promise you, if it doesn’t sound relaxing to you, your brain and mental health also don’t vibe with this morning routine.

Allowing yourself to wake up 45-60 minutes before you need to leave the house will give your brain the time to function fully by the time you step out the door. Positively helping anxiety, depression, stress or any other mental health struggles you might be struggling with.

Here are 10 tips to creating your morning routine

1. Alarm

Buying a stand-alone alarm clock will allow you to put your phone to charge in another room at night, or at least more than an arm’s length away. Wake up 60 minutes before you need to leave your place of living.

2. Don’t look at your phone

Leaving your phone on the charger until your whole routine is complete is one of the main goals for your morning routine. It may only be 15 minutes or last a full 60 minutes, but the idea is not

to allow the stress of social media, emails or anything else to spike your angst or derail your focus.

3. Make Your Bed

Starting each morning off with an easy win like making your bed will give you positive re- enforcement the first 3 minutes of being awake. It should take no longer than 30 seconds to make your bed, so why not give it a try?

4. Cold Shower

There are a few ways to add a cold shower to your routine.

  • The entire shower is streaming cold water (you are part of the 1% club)
  • In your last 30 seconds of a hot shower, you throw the tap too cold and ride it out till the

    end.
    There are multiple benefits to adding this to your routine, ranging from a for sure wakeup to mental and physiological benefits.

    5. Drink Hot Lemon Water

    Drinking hot lemon water as the first thing you digest in the day helps regulate natural bowel movements. Our gut’s health status can correlate with our mental health happiness.

    Make sure you put the lemon juice in a short glass of water and shoot it, or add it to a large glass of medium to hot water. The acidity of the lemon in concentrated doses will harm the enamel around your teeth.

    6. Meditate

    Being a newbie, the act of meditating can be overwhelming. You will spend a lot of time wondering if you are doing it right and thinking about not trying to think.

    For the first year of meditating during my morning routine, I would sit in the quiet of the morning with my eyes closed (sometimes open) and allow myself to take in the sounds around me while focusing on the moment.

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Take this addition to your morning routine with a bit of humility. If you can sit still for a few minutes without having the desire to check your phone, I call that a win.

7. Coffee or tea
You have made it 60% of the way; that’s a big win!

This is when you can add in the comfort area of what a morning routine meant to you in the past… make a strong cup of coffee. Go through the process slowly and methodically. The act can be very pleasing and a form of meditation.

8. Journal

Now that you have your cup of coffee ready bring out your dedicated morning journal. Buy yourself a journal you enjoy the look and feel of, and this will be dedicated to writing only in the mornings. A few tips to what to write about if you get stuck are…

  • Positive things that happened the day before
  • Negative things that I can change that happened the day before
  • What is on my schedule today
  • A particular emotional event that occurred the day before

    9. Breathing

    It’s best if I let Whim Hoff describe this. All I will say is that this has been a welcomed new addition of 10 minutes of my morning routine during the pandemic. Breath in deep, exhale even deeper and don’t rush yourself through the breathing routine.

    10. Affirmations

    The morning solitude has come to an end. To break the silence, say a few gratitudes out loud. Affirmations are a great way to re-enforce positive thoughts and visions in your life. A few examples of what affirmations can be…

  • I will not stress over things I cannot control.
  • I lovingly do everything I can to assist my body in maintaining health.
  • My life is full of amazing opportunities that are ready for me to step into.
  • I’m free to create the life I desire.
  • I have been given endless talents which I will begin to utilize today.

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Take these ten steps and craft your routine, perhaps moving some of them around or adding some other additions that speak to you.

There is no wrong way to do a morning routine. As long as you are allowing your brain to adapt to its functioning form slowly, then you are winning.

*I have created a free 10 step email course helping you craft yours and work through the tough areas in starting your morning routine

Writing by Paul Marlow

“Paul Marlow is a mental health advocate who writes mental health help content to inspire others to find daily actions to get better. You can see more at his site for Never Alone

Privacy Counts

The 5 most important things you must know about privacy before Camming

With so much innovation in the tech industry it’s hardly surprising that many companies are now offering you the chance to stream from any device and location. When all you need is Wi-Fi, there doesn’t seem to be anything stopping you broadcasting your cam life from anywhere, or is there?

The Law

Although the law in the UK (specifically England) states that it is not illegal to be naked in a public place, you can be prosecuted for causing another individual, alarm, or distress. Depending upon the place or circumstances, this could be termed as indecent exposure if harassment has also occurred. If it can be proved that you intentionally acted to cause upset and shock, this can become an offence.

Obviously, being naked doesn’t include acts of a sexual nature in a public place. The laws relating to this, in England and Wales, were changed in 2003. Whilst sexual activity in a public toilet is still an offence, sex in other public places is not. That is, unless it is witnessed or there is a reasonable chance at least 2 members of the public may see what’s happening.

Logos and Signs

This is an area where you are most likely to get caught out and whilst it may not involve a prison sentence, the inadvertent marketing of big brands, could land you in big trouble. The majority of large companies do not wish to see their brands associated with adult material in any way shape and form.

They have huge amounts of money at their disposal to sue and ensure convictions of anyone caught flouting these rules. If you are making money out of the broadcast, and get caught, not realising, or noticing branding in the background (or foreground) is not a defence in terms of the law. So, unless you have permission from the brand you must be extremely careful of what appears in your broadcast.

Easy enough when you are in the confines of your own space or studio but much more difficult to monitor when you are on the move, in a public place.

Location

If you decide to broadcast on your mobile device, somewhere other than the comforts of your room or studio, you should always check any local bye laws. Individual areas, such as towns, counties, or regions, may have laws specific to them.

Indeed, some properties, or areas have complete bans on photography or filming of any description and broadcasting via your cam, most likely falls into this category. You should make checks before you start broadcasting and where possible (and necessary) obtain permission beforehand. Though to be honest, you are unlikely to receive it for camming!

Background

It’s quite difficult to keep a track of everything going on in the background while you are camming as it’s normally live to air. You must however bear in mind it is your responsibility to ensure you are working within the bounds of the law. You may think it’s cool to start a cam session in front of a famous landmark (even with your clothes on) but it’s not! You need to remember that any live broadcast tells anyone watching exactly where you are, at that very moment. Any kind of privacy you may have built up for your adult profile will have been blown wide open.

For example, let’s imagine you are on a bus and you decide to have a quick cam session with one of your dedicated fans (who by the way is more than likely on his, or her smart phone). Just as the session starts the driver announces the next stop and immediately your exact location is given away.

Making a short video while you are on the bus, to post to your social media or fans site is fine but ALWAYS check the content before you post and preferably wait until you get home to do it.

Looking at your content on a big screen is always advisable and try not to focus on yourself, check out everything else in the shot. Just because you can’t see it on your smart phone, doesn’t mean it’s not there.

People

With the advent of facial recognition software, it’s even more important these days to ensure there are no random people in the background (or foreground for that matter). Identities can be located very quickly even with just a partial shot of a face. Most sites will insist that anyone in the shot is verified by them before appearing. Just because you are in a public place doesn’t mean the rules no longer apply.

If somebody comes into shot, you are going to have to either edit it or redo it, which is going to prove difficult if you are on live cam. You need to make absolutely sure that you are fully aware of what images you are broadcasting, at all times.

 

Above all, be CAREFUL, be SAFE and ALWAYS be AWARE.

Love Carla x

How to Overcome Cyberbullying as a Webcam Model by Penelope Banks

It doesn’t matter how good you are as a webcam model, some people just can’t help themselves. Some people are just mean. And we’ve all experienced it a time or two. So today I wanted to share a few things that have helped me and that you can do to overcome cyberbullying as a webcam model.

 

How to Overcome Cyberbullying

Take a Deep Breath

The first thing that I recommend doing when someone is attempting to cyberbully you, is to take a deep breath. Instead of reacting, just take a nice big deep breath. I can’t tell you the number of people who have called me names, told me I’m ugly and I shouldn’t be a webcam model, or flat out tell me that I’m disgusting.

And comments like those can often be discouraging at times. But what you have to realize is that a lot of the time, these people are dealing with their own problems. They are usually unhappy with themselves and are projecting this onto you. So as much as you want to, try your very best not to take it personally and just take a deep breath.

 

Don’t Fight Back

When someone is attempting to bully you, don’t fight back. Don’t give them the satisfaction and the power to control your emotions. Especially while you’re working.

If someone comments on one of your posts or comes into your chat room with any kind of negativity, don’t let yourself get sucked into it. Don’t give any attention to it. You’re better than that. You know who you are and what your goals are and that’s all that matters.

 

Block Them

One of the great things about camming sites is that you can easily block someone if they are bullying your or harassing you. Which is what I always do. The first time someone says something even slightly negative in my room, I block them. And then I move on.

Unfortunately there are times when bullying can turn into harassment and blocking someone just doesn’t work. If this is the case, there are steps you can take to ensure that you are protected. You can use GEO blocking to block countries and you can work directly with a cyber specialist to help protect your privacy.

Talk to Someone

If you’re struggling to overcome cyberbullying, you can always reach out and talk to someone who is there to listen. Pineapple Support offers free or low-cost therapy to those working in the adult industry who are in need of emotional support.

 

Written by Penelope Banks

Penelope Banks is a webcam model, blogger, and model recruiter.

Twitter: @Akapbanks

5 Things You Must Know To Help Keep Your Private Life Private!

For anyone working in the adult industry, you may have already thought about the importance of ensuring your private life is kept private. It’s so easy to create profiles on social media and then forget that most of the time you aren’t only posting your life events to your friends and family.

One of the easiest ways to make absolutely sure, that you make the most out of your professional social media, without ruining your private life, is to have separate profiles for each. Your private profile should only be accessible to your friends and family and have no associations with your work life in the adult world.

1. Understanding Your Privacy Settings
In some cases you may feel it’s too late to consider operating a separate account for your social media profiles, or perhaps feel it is impossible. If this really is the case, then do make absolutely sure that you understand how to operate the privacy settings on each of your accounts. Privacy settings generally allow you to make choices as to who sees your pictures, posts and profile. On Facebook for example, you have the option of only allowing your friends, or your friends and their friends, or anyone (known as public).
If you can’t find the information you want about the privacy settings, then it’s a good idea to check out forums as you’ll probably find the answer you need there, sometimes with useful links to the right part of the site.

2. Think About Your Main Picture Content
Whilst you may love the picture someone took of you on your family holiday, it’s not really the best idea to use it on your professional social media pages, or indeed any work associated websites. There are numerous picture recognition software packages about now which can be used to trawl sites to find picture matches. That holiday pic you thought was so good, you would use it on your adult related website, will suddenly become linked to your family holiday snaps an banter on Insta!
It doesn’t mean you can only use professional photos, it simply means decide which you’re going to use it for and stick to it.

3. What About Background Pictorial Content?
Always check the background of any pics you use for your adult related work as it’s really easy to slip up and give away key locations, or even more personal information, such as a car registration for example. You should make sure you do not include and famous landmarks, or brands as many companies could be willing to sue you for bringing their brand into disrepute and it’s extremely unlikely you would ever win such a battle.

4. Always Think First Before Pressing Enter
A huge percentage of inappropriate posts happen because the person posting does not stop to think about the consequences of their actions.
NEVER post things in anger, whilst drunk (or under the influence), or as a direct response to something you do not agree with. NEVER make rude responses to anyone online, no matter how strongly you feel.

5. Always make sure you use some virus protection on your devices (Laptop, Phone, Desk Top PC).
They not only check for viruses but also for Trojans and other sneaky things which could invade your device and your life.

NEVER click on any link without checking first with the sender (even if you know the sender). You never know if their account has already been compromised. Call them up first and ask them if they sent you something before trusting it.

It’s ALWAYS better to be SAFE rather than SORRY!

Stay Safe
Love All
Carla Sez x