How to ‘Man Up’ in Mental Health

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Being a 6’7 ex pro-athlete and on and off model, I have felt the full effects of society putting me into a box.

“You are too tall to have problems in life.”

“You are too good-looking to be depressed.”

“Man, you are living the dream.”

“I’d do anything to be you.”

I was the epitome of judging a book by its cover, and I let those people sway my thoughts about how I was supposed to live life.

What was happening inside my head and heart was the exact opposite of what those people perceived.
• Fear of failure
• Fear of being judged
• Thoughts of being inadequate
• Fear of not performing how women expected me to
• Constant anxiety from standing out

It wasn’t until I got C-PTSD from an abusive end to a relationship. Also, watching my father die from Parkinson’s, did I finally stopped worrying about what others thought and started acting for myself.

These are 5 takeaways from the lowest point in my life that helped me build myself up to the happiest version of myself to date.

1. Let your thoughts out
Society’s old views of how men should act, focus on us not showing any emotion, physically or verbally. I soon realized in my darkest moments that if I kept holding in my fears, I would never be able to overcome them.

There are many ways to take those thoughts swirling around your head and have them out in the open to digest in a new light.
• See a therapist weekly (here is a great article on how to email a therapist for the first time to help you start)
• Write daily in a journal
• Talk out loud to yourself when alone

2. Fail more often
Working on your personal growth is hard. By the time you are in your 20s and 30s, you have created this form of yourself from life lessons. This version of you kept you safe, guided you through puberty and now is all you know.

You can’t snap your fingers and re-train your brain to act differently. Instead, you need to fight that initial urge you have.

In the beginning, you will lose to the ‘old you’ far more than you win. And that’s ok!

Getting comfortable with failing is one of the main ways we learn and grow.

3. Get uncomfortable weekly
Constantly testing your comfort bubble will help your overall growth to combat anxiety, depression and other mental health struggles.

By choosing when you will get scared and most likely inducing the emotional pain, you can step away at any time it becomes too much to handle.

The more you poke, prod and test your comfort bubble, the easier it will be to handle other uncomfortable situations you can’t see coming.

4. Exercise often
Working on your fitness will help you feel more confident in your body, but not only that. Being physically healthy and in good shape does not get enough credit for our mental health.

Pushing yourself daily in the gym, CrossFit, spin class, or any other 60 minutes of sweat-inducing working out will constantly force you into those uncomfortable moments of potential anxiety-inducing pain.

Working out also positively affects the hormones and chemicals inside our bodies. Constantly leaving you in a better mood than when you showed up at the gym.

5. Learn how to sleep
“Learn” is the critical word in this section.

We all sleep at some point. Our bodies were made to shut down when we hit a critical point of exhaustion. That’s not the hard part.

What isn’t easy is getting constant sleep, night after night, that leaves you feeling well rested and repaired from the previous day.

All of these factors of everyday life can and most likely can or do affect your sleep.
• Money struggles
• Addiction to your phone/social media
• Drugs
• Alcohol
• Relationship issues
• Loss of loved ones
• Anxiety
• Depression

Here are some tips to start working at bettering your sleep
• Stop looking at your phone/tv/computer 30 minutes before your start your evening routine to go to bed.
• Track your sleep patterns with a sleep tracking device and app.
• Eat cleaner/healthier foods before bed that your stomach can digest more easily while asleep.
• Journal before hopping into bed. This will help de-clutter your mind if you have difficulty falling asleep..

Getting a good night’s sleep doesn’t happen to people who say, “I wish I could sleep better.” It occurs from trial and error and hard work.

It took me 35 years plus losing my father to finally start seeing things from a new angle in my life.

There is no blueprint to this and we are all different. So don’t be hard on yourself my friend, in time it will start looking brighter for you too.

Paul Marlow / Tall Paul
Paul is a mental health speaker & leading global Tall Men’s Fashion expert. Helping men 6’3+ feel confident in their bodies.
Learn more about Tall Paul

Protect Your Pineapples – Breast Cancer Awareness Month

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Whatever size fruit you have in your basket – Remember to perform a self-exam once a month.

October is breast cancer awareness month, that doesn’t just mean turning half your wardrobe pink, changing your company logo (oh the irony) and proudly pinning a pink ribbon to every outfit.

Breast cancer awareness is about remembering to give yourself a self-exam once a month, it means supporting women affected by it and it means being grateful for your own health.

Each year 1.4 million women are diagnosed with breast cancer, which includes 1 in every 8 women in the USA. But early detection can make a huge difference in beating breast cancer and we think that’s something worth raising awareness about!

So whether your mammaries are like melons or your chesticles are more like cherries we would like to help you get to know your breasts and detect if there is a possible problem.

To show your support and raise awareness we would like to ask you to join our competition. After your self-exam, take a photograph of yourself, covering your credentials with your choice of fruit and post it on social media. Remembering to tag @PineappleYSW #ProtectYourPineapples and link back to this blog to ensure as many women as possible join us and protect their pineapples.

Breast cancer is not always detectable by a lump or hard mass, sometimes the symptoms are visual.

Some changes in your breasts are perfectly normal, but if you are worried, it is always best to visit your doctor.

What is it that you are feeling for?

When feeling for a lump, check from your armpit to your collarbone, down to the bottom of your rib cage. A cancerous lump feels different from a normal breast lump, it often feels hard and immovable and can be any shape or size.

Getting to know your breasts is really important and the best time to give yourself a self-exam is just after your period when things are most normal.

Remember, when breast cancer is found early, survival rates are incredibly high.

Be proactive in caring for our health, self-exam once a month, eat well, exercise regularly and help raise awareness #ProtectYourPineapples

Surrender – A Poem

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To surrender
Is to dance
In the waves
Not knowing
When you might get knocked
Over
But trusting
That you’ll always
Be swept back up.
Trusting
That you will be swept
Onto warm soft sandy shores
When the time
Is right.
Written by Liza Belle

The Centre – A Poem

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Locate the calm within the storm.
Beneath the tumult of the waves
Breath face mind, still
As you pause
Count to ten
Allow the storm to pass
Find a moment of peace
And stillness
To return to your centre
To come back to yourself.
Written by Liza Belle

Moving Through It -A Poem

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We’re standing in a sea.
Everyday
Asked
To swim.
Through the trials
Of the tidal swell
That washes
Along the passage
Of our lives.
Heaved
And pulled
Sucked under
Flung above.
Over
And over.
We try
Not to struggle.
But when we’re in the thick of it
Breath
Snatched
From chest
Tossed
From one wave
To the next
Limbs
Exhausted
From arduous
Exertion,
It’s hard to see
A way out
A way
To stop struggling.
Written by Liza Belle

Putting the picture together – A Poem

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There’s no method
To the madness
When you’re flung
Headfirst
Into this thing
Called life.
I try in vain
To piece the puzzle
Patch
The picture
Of me
Together.
But I simply
Don’t know
Where to start.
Written by Liza Belle

Away – A Poem

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I leave
Because it’s easier
Than to stay
I run
Because it’s more bearable
Than to feel
I shut everyone out
Because it is less painful
Than to let them in
I close + push away
Because it is less agonising
Than to love
To stay
Is to bear witness
To stay
Is to let people in
To stay
Is to expose my heart
And put it on the line
To be shattered
Written by Liza Belle

Gaslit Warwounds – A Poem

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Those things that cut you up
And spat you out
Those things that had you crying and screaming
On the bathroom floor
That had you talking motherfuckingshit
To your family
Taking for granted your friends
Those things that made you a hurricane
In a quiet living space
Those things that blew shit up
Ruffled feathers
Burnt bridges
Those things
That you believe
Made you a bad person
Actually made you brave
Actually made you courageous
Actually made you face who you are
And deal with your shit
Those things actually made you fearless
Fiery
A pioneer
Those things made you you
Don’t bad mouth those things.
Written By Liza Belle

Abuse – A poem

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Sometimes
We compensate so damn hard for people doing awful things
Being awful
Because we can see their pain
We can see the suffering
That warped them
Twisted them
De-humanised them
So we stay.
We watch.
We tolerate
And accept.
But we shouldn’t.
We shouldn’t tolerate abuse.
It’s fucked up.

Written by Liza Belle

A Shadow Imprint – A Poem

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“This anger is not mine…”
I finally understood.
It was the imprint of a shadow
On my soul
All that was left to honour the pain
Endured.
Spontaneous eruptions
Harming innocent bystanders,
Were rooted in the shadow
Cast over me from that time
In that place.
And now the shadow gathered and swarmed
Trapping me in a self-imposed prison;
A wall of smoke and mirrors
Surrounding me.
What was real?
I could not know.
Warped perception of reality, I ploughed forth into the world.
Wreaking havoc with my scars;
With my view-distorting Shadow Lenses.
I saw what it wanted me to see.
In my nightmares
In my dreams
In my life.
Detached.
Floating.
No sense of reality.
“No hold on real life.”
An out-of-body experience.
For years
It felt as if I were a bystander,
Watching an automation
Live my life.
To the point where I didn’t know my reflection.
Body and face, wracked with the shadow
The shadow poisoned me:
Poisoned my responses;
Poisoned my actions;
My reactions.
Self-hate and self-loathing poisoned my judgement
My judgement of myself.
It wasn’t me.
Surely it couldn’t be me
Acting like such a lunatic?!
But there was nothing I could do.
The shadow had taken my power.
The shadow was in control.
Until all that was left of me
Was a corpse.
Curled on the floor of the shower.
Empty.
Drowning.
Water, burning
Trying to feel something,
Anything.
So many forms of self-harm
To try and feel something.
To try to penetrate this numbness
This lack of ability to feel anything remotely deeply.
–
–
–
And still today it haunts me.
The shadow of my past.
But I’m learning to move through it.
To face the pain, at last.
I know it won’t be easy,
Lord knows it will be hard.
But I’ve adorned my strongest armour
And into battle, I will charge.
I will meet the shadows in combat
With love and with compassion
I will fight with all my might to heal
I will not turn away again.
Written by Liza Bella