Camming, Performing and living with Chronic Illness

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Chronic illnesses are conditions that are discussed by many, and yet somehow also overlooked and misunderstood. Emotional and mental health are often forgotten as part of the treatment when someone lives with a chronic illness, yet it is one of the most impactful supports on someone’s health trajectory. Additionally, when there is a present mental health care provider, they may not specialize, understand, or implement one’s chronic illness into a discussion on emotions and behaviors. In the adult industry, chronic illness is experienced by many, but in a broader sense, some feel, “swept under the rug.” An anonymous cam performer shares: “I feel like its taboo. This field is about bodies and experiencing pleasure, and yet when it comes to someone who is visibly or invisibly ill, we can be forgotten or cast out because we don’t fit the mold.” When chronically ill and in a physical industry, it is imperative to find support, like-minded performers, and sites that promote appropriate visibility and care. Concerns of feeling ostracized, pushed to the margins, “less than” other performers, fetishized, or bullied are valid and real. It is imperative to understand that society works as it is intended to, which currently is for those that are able-bodied and in industries that aren’t considered “taboo.” It can be easy to throw in the towel and feel like support will never arrive, however, there are strong anti-ableism advocates, especially in the adult industry, who champion disabled bodies, their attraction, and their abilities. Lack of strength, body mass, libido, interest, and self-value/esteem can affect someone’s ability to feel successful in their work, relationships, and in the world. Chronic illnesses, when treated ineffectively or without mental health support, can lead to sexual dysfunctions that would affect all individuals, but especially those in the adult industry who rely on healthy functioning to complete their work and engage with others in their personal life. Thankfully, there are treatments, supports, and steps one can take to fight stigma, receive care, and feel like oneself again.

  1. Seek out support staff who are educated, informed, and champion their experience working with those both in the adult industry and those identifying as chronically ill.Although not all providers who label themselves as such will have the approach you are seeking, most providers label themselves with what they specialize in and should be able to follow through.
  2. If you feel discouraged, gaslit, diminished, or dismissed by a provider, if safe, let others know. Strengthen the community. Additionally, and most importantly, do not return to said provider unless absolutely necessary. The use of telehealth can provide increased equity and choice when seeking a new provider. Do not accept diminishment. The more times we feel let down or ignored, the less likely it is we will seek lifesaving care.
  3. Reach out to others in the adult industry with lived experience. Knowing you are not alone is a powerful feeling, and you may also end up with a new friend. Isolation can be common with chronic illness as many work from home or in more independent, controlled settings.
  4. Pursue mindfulness. Although mindfulness has been over-sold as a cure by many, don’t get caught up in the hype. Mindfulness is attuned presence and choosing to be the observer as opposed to the observed. Research shows building a new or different relationship with your pain can provide a sense of power, control, and hope, even when symptoms don’t subside considerably.
  5. Although it takes time and energy to do so, know that you and others with chronic illness are worth attention, time, care, and adaptive/accessible needs/tools/and skills. You are permitted to have access to that which provides comfort and makes life easier.

 

Although chronic illness can prove challenging and be a part of an intersectional, complex identity, know you are valid and deserving of appropriate, attuned, informed care. Be well!

From Rachael Wells, LMHC, EMDR-C/CIT, BC-TMH, RYT, QS

Stoptober Fundraising – Join The Band Wagon

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Firstly, I would like to put forward a huge congrats to the wonderful and amazing Leya Tanit. Her current fund raiser (although not unique) absolutely deserves your support. It’s nearing the end but also the time to join with the congratulations and show your appreciation by donating to an incredibly important cause.

October began with an announcement by Leya Tanit, the CEO of Pineapple Support.

“As someone who consistently promotes self/care, positive actions toward better mental health and well-being, it seemed fitting to hop on the #Stoptober band wagon and raise some funds to provide much needed mental health resources for persons working in the adult industry”.

Every single dollar donated can help someone in need and even the smallest amount makes a huge difference. If you’ve been helped, or know someone that would like to help, please pass on this important message.

Pineapple Support Fundraiser

The closing party weekend mid-month was always going to be the biggest challenge but in her words

“Well, I am pleased and extremely proud to say, I rose to the challenge. Indulging in the festivities while completely alcohol free. I have never consumed so much sparkling water, or visited the toilet so much during an event, but waking up the following mornings feeling fresh (and rather smug) definitely made it worthwhile”.

If you’ve got any ideas on raising funds and awareness of this incredible charity, please do get in touch as we’d love to hear from you!

Love from the Team x

When is Collaboration Better Than Competing?

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The answer is most likely, always!

Unless you are directly competing your skills against another for the purposes of sport or suchlike, we always make more progress when we work together. Sharing skills and knowledge in our everyday lives is so important to our evolution.

Throughout the ages, major breakthroughs have come about because an individual sought help with a problem. The saying ‘2 minds are better than one’, has never been truer in this case.

Collaborating not only allows you to share and pass on your knowledge to another but also prompts thoughts and processes that may not have crossed your mind previously. When we keep those little nuggets of info to ourselves, it produces selfish thoughts and negative feelings towards those around us. Sharing information can actually provide us with really positive energy. It makes us feel good and empowers the mind so that we feel useful to others.

Empowerment allows success

People mistake the meaning of empowerment, thinking that it always means something negative, where one person has power over another. It is in fact a lot more personal than that. It is the process of becoming stronger and more confident, so that we can take control of our lives. It enables an individual to represent their own interests in a responsible and self-determined way, whilst being able to act on their own authority.

It is possible for one person to become overwhelmed with the feeling of power and allow it to manifest into something which is selfish and ugly. The trick is to follow the fundamentals.

  • Respect the decisions others make about their lives
  • Try to always make other people feel comfortable enough to discuss their own feelings
  • Always be respectful and non-judgemental
  • Focus on abilities and strengths rather than admonishing weaknesses
  • Provide support and encouragement

Skill sharing

Offering to share your knowledge with others will always show you in the best light possible. It provides a feeling of openness and helps you to engage with others. Positivity is catching and spreads warmth and happiness to all those involved.

One of the best things about the internet is the ability to pass on skills and understanding to many, many people, most of whom you will never know personally. Although we tend to work better when we receive individual praise, positive acknowledgements from complete strangers are an incredible boost to our self-esteem.

Every day is a new one where we can all acquire a new talent or learn a new skill. It motivates the mind and conquers boredom and inactivity. Sharing that interest with others is one of the best ways to build friendships and bond.

How to collaborate

Collaboration could be as simple as picking up the phone and asking someone how their day has been, or you might text them, just to say hello. Nowadays, most of these partnerships are based in the virtual world. There are video, network, community, internal and external collaborations, all of which lead to a sharing of knowledge and the ability to achieve a goal.

This kind of work style was first officially recognised in the 1950’s. It allowed projects to be managed by more than one individual, rather than the previous method using one project manager and a Gantt chart. Companies quickly realised that allowing employees to work in this manner produced an efficient workforce which promoted growth and innovation for the company.

As individuals, this relatively simple way of sharing thoughts, skills and processes with others brings about a positive attitude and renews the hunger for learning.

Enjoying sharing

There’s nothing better in life than sitting down and sharing a glass of wine, or a cup of coffee or even a good movie with your bestie. It’s what seems to make us whole as a species. It gives a warm glow inside, and it provides a form of stability that you cannot get from anywhere else. That shared experience will be remembered for a very long time and gives treasured moments to draw upon whenever we need a little fix of feeling warm.

Passing on knowledge can result in those same warm feelings. Knowing that we have helped someone, passed on vital information and allowed them to grow as a person even more, is an amazing feeling.

Knowledge really does mean power when you use it in the best way possible.

Always remember ‘Sharing is Caring’ and ‘Caring is Sharing’.

The Beauty of Being You

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Of all the things happening in the world every, single day, the one feature you should always be able to rely upon is yourself. You are the constant in this ever-changing landscape and without a doubt the best opportunity you have for self-improvement.

When you spend much of your time in front of a camera, whether it be on your phone, webcam or a video shoot, it’s really easy to start picking fault with every little detail. This can often come to the forefront for those performers and models who have created an alternative persona for work. The fear of your mask slipping and showing the real you to the outside world is ever present.

Much of this worry is due to the constructs that society places on labels and what they mean. Your family and friends may object to your chosen career, or they may have absolutely no idea what your job entails. The further away your work persona is from the real you, the harder it is to remain in control.

Disguise or Reveal?

It’s a strange concept to understand and get your head around but in real life men don’t really prefer blondes. You only have to scan the first page of any of the popular Cam and Adult sites out there to discover that the reality is actually further away than you imagine.

One of the most popular Cam girls ever is a red head, another has a bust size of 28A, whilst another wears glasses while on cam, even though she has near perfect eyesight. More and more the top girls on Cam are not conforming to the stereotypical blonde with big fake tits look.

Shedding Light on the Secret You

So, what does this mean for you? It definitely allows you the freedom to be more natural and not feel the need to hide behind a wig and a face full of makeup. It gives you permission to spend far less time honing your skills with your fake persona. You get to take advantage of improving other talents, such as interacting and conversing with others.

You don’t need to go out and buy lots of expensive items of clothing and underwear if you don’t want to. Just ensure you feel comfortable in what you wear. If you’ve never worn stockings and suspenders before, don’t start now as you won’t look natural on camera. There’s nothing worse than someone who is more concerned about what they are wearing, than what they are actually doing on cam or during a photoshoot.

Your Daily Aims

If at all possible, try and stay focused and make sure you keep in touch with your loved ones and friends. It’s crucial to your state of being, so that each day has a focus and meaning. You don’t need to speak to everyone, every single day, nor wait until the weekend before reaching out. Don’t wait for people to contact you first, remember some people find opening up a bit of a struggle. They are also the ones who truly appreciate that you were thinking about them and made contact.

The same applies to your fans and contacts on Cam, the more you stay in touch by messaging and sending them updates about your day, the more they’ll be likely to remain loyal. Don’t stress out when they are short of cash and can’t spend it on you, it costs nothing to send them a short message and will gain their loyalty in the long run!

Be Good to Yourself

Everyone has bad days from time to time and if you are having a particularly awful day, it’s not something you should really be sharing with anyone other than your nearest and dearest. These are the times when you need to unwind, relax and give yourself a treat. It doesn’t have to be something which costs money.

You could try some Yoga, or Breathing exercises, or perhaps reward yourself to a nice cup of hot chocolate and a good book. The time you take to care for you, is crucial to your wellbeing. It will enable acceptance of your whole being with or without faults. You’ll feel differently about creating improvements to your mind and body and no longer feel that you have to punish yourself for those tiny faults you previously perceived as mountainous.

Pineapple Supports

Pineapple offers all types of support groups and resources for improving your mental health and overall wellbeing. There is no stigma, and the team are there specifically for online, adult sex workers, worldwide. There are webinars covering specific areas and events which aim to bring like-minded people together.

Remember, you are loved, we are listening, and you are not alone!

Pineapple Support, The Cupcake Girls To Host Event for World Mental Health Day 2022

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Pineapple Support, the adult industry’s leading mental health nonprofit, will host an in-person event to celebrate World Mental Health Day 2022, in collaboration with The Cupcake Girls, a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting sex workers. The event is free and open to anyone working in the adult industry and will take place at The Cupcake Girls’ Las Vegas office on Monday, October 10th from 4pm to 7pm (PST).

Mental health professionals Monique Martihnez-Quiros and Michele Green will lead discussions about how best to navigate the adult industry, both professionally and mentally. Attendees will also be invited to discuss how the organization can strengthen its connection with the adult community. Food and refreshments will be provided and professional photographer Casey Jade will be offering free headshots for all who attend.

“Join us this World Mental Health Day to have your say on how we can do more to support the adult community in the future,” says Leya Tanit, Pineapple Support CEO and Founder. “We’re incredibly excited to partner with The Cupcake Girls on this event and we can’t wait to hear directly from you about how we can better support each other in our community.”

Tanit founded Pineapple Support in 2018, after a string of losses in the adult industry from depression and other mental illnesses. The organization, a qualified 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization in the United States, has so far connected over 8,000 adult performers to mental health services, including free and low-cost, therapy, counseling, and emotional support.

“After taking headshots with a professional photographer, we’ll sit down together for food, to have an intimate talk about what you feel is missing from the adult industry and what can be improved,” says Tanit. “We’ll also be welcoming questions about how our therapists can support you and your peers, as well as how we can support each other and create a stronger adult community on World Mental Health Day. This is your chance to have your say and influence the future of your industry.”

The World Mental Health Day event with The Cupcake Girls is free and open to anyone working in the adult industry and will take place at The Cupcake Girls’ Las Vegas office on Monday, October 10th from 4pm to 7pm (PST). For more information, location details and to reserve your place, please email kelly.boyett@thecupcakegirls.org.

Pineapple Support To Host ‘Interpersonal Effectiveness’ Support Group

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Pineapple Support, the adult industry’s leading mental health nonprofit, will host a free, online support group with a focus on dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) techniques that performers can use to improve interpersonal relationships. The seven-week support group, “DBT – Interpersonal Effectiveness” will be led by Pineapple therapist Sophia Graham and will begin on Thursday, October 6th at 2pm EST.

“This course invites you to reflect on the myths that hold you back in relationships and teaches you skills to be more assertive,” says Graham. “We will talk about how to prepare for difficult conversations by creating scripts and anticipating pushback. We’ll be using DBT techniques to develop the tools and strategies you can use to navigate all types of relationships in your life.”

“This course invites you to reflect on the myths that hold you back in relationships and teaches you skills to be more assertive”

Pineapple Support was founded by British performer Leya Tanit in 2018, after a string of losses in the adult industry from depression and other mental illnesses. The organization, which is a qualified 501(c)(3) tax-exempt organization in the United States, has so far connected over 8,000 adult performers to mental health services, including free and low-cost, therapy, counseling, and emotional support.

“Being able to approach difficult conversations with confidence, experience, and knowledge can be a real game changer,” says Tanit. “This support group is open to any performer that wants to learn some flexible and scientifically-supported DBT skills that will help you to have clearer communication and more fulfilling relationships.”

The seven-week “DBT – Interpersonal Effectiveness” support group begins on Thursday, October 6th from 2pm until 4pm EST. Sessions will last for around two hours and will take place online each Thursday at the same time until November 17th. For more information about this support group and to reserve a place, visit https://pineappleie.teachery.co/interpersonal-effectiveness-us.