Finding Strength in Slow Times: The Unwavering Resilience of Cam Models – The Cam Girl and the Coach

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Emma is an International Life Coach, friend and ally to those working within the adult industries. You can contact her here – www.imperfectly-you.com

 

Sarah’s story – 

I went from making $250 in an hour to $39 in an hour overnight.

In the business of online camming this is just the way the cookie crumbles.

One day you’re smashing your personal targets and the next there’s virtual tumbleweed blowing through your chat room. Not a soul willing to spend any money with you.

You’re doing the exact same thing you usually do, chatting to customers and giving off the energy that your customers usually LOVE.

When I’m experiencing periods of low income, sometimes it’s difficult to not think it’s my fault. Is it something that I’m doing wrong?

This isn’t like a 9 to 5 where if I’m having an off day I show up, do the bare minimum and still get paid the same.

If I don’t show up and give it my all – I don’t get paid, and sometimes even that isn’t enough. This is why I think that resilience is one of the key traits needed to work in this industry.

What can we do to help ourselves be more resilient during times like these?


Thoughts from the Coach – 

The more than likely reality is that things may be slow due to other reasons that are out of your control. The cam website may be sending less traffic your way, it’s a time of the month where customers haven’t been paid yet or there could be public holidays causing your usual customers to be spending time with their families instead of jerking off online.

Whatever the reason you will never truly know, but rest assured I’m 99.9% sure it’s not your fault.

So let’s discuss resilience….the ability to adapt, bounce back and recover from challenges and setbacks.

Resilient people tap into their strengths and support systems to work through problems. How could this apply when camming?

  1. Prioritize self care – When traffic is slow you may feel the need to work every hour under the sun. This can sometimes be at the cost of your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. It’s important to make time for yourself and avoid overworking by setting hours you are comfortable with and being strict with yourself by not working any longer than this. Engaging in activities that recharge you can also help such as exercise, hobbies, relaxation techniques, or spending time with friends/family.
  2. Set Boundaries – When your room is quiet you may be tempted to offer services, roleplays or situations that you wouldn’t usually consider. Although this may be tempting, if it’s not something you’re comfortable with, don’t do it. Determine what you are comfortable with regarding the content, interactions, and level of engagement you are willing to offer. Communicate these boundaries to your viewers and enforce them consistently. 
  3. Adaptability – If it’s slow on stream how else might you make extra income – can you sell content via mass messaging or other platforms? Perhaps you could drop your price per minute and offer much more PG content like dirty talk for only a fraction of the price.
  4. Social Support – https://www.reddit.com/r/CamGirlProblems/ & https://www.wecamgirls.com/ are great places to connect with other cam models. Having access to supportive relationships and resources in the adult industry can provide emotional, practical, and informational support during difficult times. These types of forums are a great place to ask for advice when times may be slow. Most models on these sites are more than happy to help a fellow model.


Remember – you are powerful, adaptive, creative and resilient! Wishing you a profitable week.

Life Coach Emma x

The Art of Authenticity: Cam Models and the Power of Personal Creativity – The Cam Girl and the Coach

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This is a blog post co-created by cam model Amelia and Life Coach Emma. We’ve created this blog to shed light on the daily encounters of a Cam Model and how looking at things from a coaching perspective may help you navigate the world between a sexy bad ass adult star and the person you are when the cameras are off.

Amelia Streams on a Premium chat site and Emma is an International Life Coach, friend and ally to those working within the adult industries. You can contact her here – www.imperfectly-you.com

 

Amelia’s story

‘I want to serenade you’ – says the customer in my chat room.

I automatically categorise him in my head as the over complimentary type of customer. We all get them in our chat rooms. ‘You’re stunning’ … ‘Wow an angel sits before me’…’I want to tenderly caress your neck’.

‘Oh really, well I’d love to hear you sing’ – I reply by making small chit chat thinking he’s talking sh*t and wasting my time talking to me without even sending a tip!

Nope – this customer was very serious.

He clicks exclusive and we are now in paid chat.

He turns his cam on and I am presented with his room. A makeshift music studio put together in his closet. Rows of cowboy boots and shirts lined up behind him. He’s sitting on a stool with headphones on, a guitar on his knee and a professional mic set up in front of him. The kind you see in recording studios. The customer is also fully clothed and giving me a thumbs up symbol.

I smile and nod ‘wow you really were serious – are you about to sing to me?!’

Now I’m the type of person that has to turn singing shows off on the TV because I find them so cringe – so my fake face of enthusiasm is really going to be put to the test here.

With no introduction, he strums his guitar and begins singing.

It’s a full blown country song, serenading me with lyrics about missing his love in Texas. I should have suspected, the cowboy boots in his closet/music studio were a dead giveaway of what I was about to hear. I’m swaying and clicking my fingers saying things like ‘fantastic’, ‘amazing’, ‘you’re so talented’. Anything to encourage his very brave performance.

This man was singing from the top of his lungs and was giving it his all. It was truly admirable in a way, even though he wasn’t the best singer by any means. After 7 minutes and $70 dollars later, he finished his set, and I asked him what song he was covering.

He tells me he wrote it himself and that he has many more like this. He’s also hoping that his friend is going to help him properly record them too. He gives me another thumbs up and logs off. That was it, no naked time or sex talk. He simply wanted me to be a witness to something he felt proud of.

It got me thinking that in a job (as an online cam girl) where we may be faking a certain personality some of the time we can feel slightly detached from who we really are. How can we reconnect with ourselves?

 

Thoughts from the Coach – 

Doing something creative as a human being is a real way to show authenticity and your personal identity. When we create things from our own thoughts, efforts and skills we feel proud, and as a Life Coach, authenticity is something that comes up time and time again when speaking with clients. Questions arise such as,

  • When do we feel truly authentic and ourselves?
  • What creative things do we really enjoy that bring us a sense of pride?
  • How can we make time for more of this in our lives?


Creativity serves as a catalyst for fostering authenticity by providing a means of self-expression and exploration. It can allow us to honour our personal voice, connect with our emotions and empower our individuality.

If you’re a sex worker like Amelia you’re probably pretty busy making content for your brand, live streaming or performing. Yes these activities may be creative but when did you last do something creative and fun truly for you?

Here is my invitation for you to do something creative just for yourself this week.

  • Go out dancing
  • Take that pottery class
  • Read that book you keep meaning to read
  • Paint/draw/photograph


Whatever feeds your soul.

Or be like the guy in his cowboy boot closet singing country music at the top of his lungs.

Be unapologetically you!

Emma x

 

Virtual Friends – The Benefits of Keeping in Touch

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It’s true that social media has plugged a big hole in our friendship circles and for some it’s been a real lifeline. The ability to reach out to all those people we know, whether casual acquaintances, or lifelong friends has created a whole new meaning to interaction. 

However, the majority of this contact is virtual, without any form of actual conversation taking place. For some, it can leave the feeling that none of these virtual friendships are real. The physical interactions such as talking and touching are key to maintaining a presence in the real world.

Using apps which offer video call options are great but can bring about unnecessary angst as we struggle to deal with the lack of touch and proper eye contact. Sometimes a simple phone call is easier as it allows us to concentrate on just listening and speaking. 

Showing interest in others is key to maintaining a great friendship. It demonstrates that you really do care about them. Being able to rely upon another person at any time is the absolute symbol of a long and lasting relationship. 

You may go for weeks, often months (and sometimes years) without any form of physical contact but you know when you meet back up in person, it’ll be like no time has passed at all.

Spending a little of your time every single day acknowledging events in your friend’s life and showing them a piece of yours, means a lot. It gives comfort and a little piece of security to those who may feel alone and perhaps lost in this world of ever-increasing Social Media activity. It provides some positive well-being and some reassurance that we are not alone.

Remember …..

‘Good friends are like stars, you don’t always see them, but you know they are there’. Confucius

‘Friendship is the comfort of knowing that even when you feel alone, you aren’t’.

How to ‘Man Up’ in Mental Health

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Being a 6’7 ex pro-athlete and on and off model, I have felt the full effects of society putting me into a box.

“You are too tall to have problems in life.”

“You are too good-looking to be depressed.”

“Man, you are living the dream.”

“I’d do anything to be you.”

I was the epitome of judging a book by its cover, and I let those people sway my thoughts about how I was supposed to live life.

What was happening inside my head and heart was the exact opposite of what those people perceived.
• Fear of failure
• Fear of being judged
• Thoughts of being inadequate
• Fear of not performing how women expected me to
• Constant anxiety from standing out

It wasn’t until I got C-PTSD from an abusive end to a relationship. Also, watching my father die from Parkinson’s, did I finally stopped worrying about what others thought and started acting for myself.

These are 5 takeaways from the lowest point in my life that helped me build myself up to the happiest version of myself to date.

1. Let your thoughts out
Society’s old views of how men should act, focus on us not showing any emotion, physically or verbally. I soon realized in my darkest moments that if I kept holding in my fears, I would never be able to overcome them.

There are many ways to take those thoughts swirling around your head and have them out in the open to digest in a new light.
• See a therapist weekly (here is a great article on how to email a therapist for the first time to help you start)
• Write daily in a journal
• Talk out loud to yourself when alone

2. Fail more often
Working on your personal growth is hard. By the time you are in your 20s and 30s, you have created this form of yourself from life lessons. This version of you kept you safe, guided you through puberty and now is all you know.

You can’t snap your fingers and re-train your brain to act differently. Instead, you need to fight that initial urge you have.

In the beginning, you will lose to the ‘old you’ far more than you win. And that’s ok!

Getting comfortable with failing is one of the main ways we learn and grow.

3. Get uncomfortable weekly
Constantly testing your comfort bubble will help your overall growth to combat anxiety, depression and other mental health struggles.

By choosing when you will get scared and most likely inducing the emotional pain, you can step away at any time it becomes too much to handle.

The more you poke, prod and test your comfort bubble, the easier it will be to handle other uncomfortable situations you can’t see coming.

4. Exercise often
Working on your fitness will help you feel more confident in your body, but not only that. Being physically healthy and in good shape does not get enough credit for our mental health.

Pushing yourself daily in the gym, CrossFit, spin class, or any other 60 minutes of sweat-inducing working out will constantly force you into those uncomfortable moments of potential anxiety-inducing pain.

Working out also positively affects the hormones and chemicals inside our bodies. Constantly leaving you in a better mood than when you showed up at the gym.

5. Learn how to sleep
“Learn” is the critical word in this section.

We all sleep at some point. Our bodies were made to shut down when we hit a critical point of exhaustion. That’s not the hard part.

What isn’t easy is getting constant sleep, night after night, that leaves you feeling well rested and repaired from the previous day.

All of these factors of everyday life can and most likely can or do affect your sleep.
• Money struggles
• Addiction to your phone/social media
• Drugs
• Alcohol
• Relationship issues
• Loss of loved ones
• Anxiety
• Depression

Here are some tips to start working at bettering your sleep
• Stop looking at your phone/tv/computer 30 minutes before your start your evening routine to go to bed.
• Track your sleep patterns with a sleep tracking device and app.
• Eat cleaner/healthier foods before bed that your stomach can digest more easily while asleep.
• Journal before hopping into bed. This will help de-clutter your mind if you have difficulty falling asleep..

Getting a good night’s sleep doesn’t happen to people who say, “I wish I could sleep better.” It occurs from trial and error and hard work.

It took me 35 years plus losing my father to finally start seeing things from a new angle in my life.

There is no blueprint to this and we are all different. So don’t be hard on yourself my friend, in time it will start looking brighter for you too.

Paul Marlow / Tall Paul
Paul is a mental health speaker & leading global Tall Men’s Fashion expert. Helping men 6’3+ feel confident in their bodies.
Learn more about Tall Paul

Surrender – A Poem

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To surrender
Is to dance
In the waves
Not knowing
When you might get knocked
Over
But trusting
That you’ll always
Be swept back up.
Trusting
That you will be swept
Onto warm soft sandy shores
When the time
Is right.
Written by Liza Belle

The Centre – A Poem

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Locate the calm within the storm.
Beneath the tumult of the waves
Breath face mind, still
As you pause
Count to ten
Allow the storm to pass
Find a moment of peace
And stillness
To return to your centre
To come back to yourself.
Written by Liza Belle

Moving Through It -A Poem

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We’re standing in a sea.
Everyday
Asked
To swim.
Through the trials
Of the tidal swell
That washes
Along the passage
Of our lives.
Heaved
And pulled
Sucked under
Flung above.
Over
And over.
We try
Not to struggle.
But when we’re in the thick of it
Breath
Snatched
From chest
Tossed
From one wave
To the next
Limbs
Exhausted
From arduous
Exertion,
It’s hard to see
A way out
A way
To stop struggling.
Written by Liza Belle

Putting the picture together – A Poem

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There’s no method
To the madness
When you’re flung
Headfirst
Into this thing
Called life.
I try in vain
To piece the puzzle
Patch
The picture
Of me
Together.
But I simply
Don’t know
Where to start.
Written by Liza Belle

Away – A Poem

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I leave
Because it’s easier
Than to stay
I run
Because it’s more bearable
Than to feel
I shut everyone out
Because it is less painful
Than to let them in
I close + push away
Because it is less agonising
Than to love
To stay
Is to bear witness
To stay
Is to let people in
To stay
Is to expose my heart
And put it on the line
To be shattered
Written by Liza Belle

Gaslit Warwounds – A Poem

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Those things that cut you up
And spat you out
Those things that had you crying and screaming
On the bathroom floor
That had you talking motherfuckingshit
To your family
Taking for granted your friends
Those things that made you a hurricane
In a quiet living space
Those things that blew shit up
Ruffled feathers
Burnt bridges
Those things
That you believe
Made you a bad person
Actually made you brave
Actually made you courageous
Actually made you face who you are
And deal with your shit
Those things actually made you fearless
Fiery
A pioneer
Those things made you you
Don’t bad mouth those things.
Written By Liza Belle